Tammy's Tips

"If you have intergrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters." - Alan Simpson

Tip 76 asks the question: "Who Are You?" This is a great follow up after last week's question "Where Have You Been?" So I ask all of you, "Who Are You?" I really love this anonymous quote, "Character is what you are in the dark." I have often said that "Character is who is looking back at you when you look in the mirror." Character is also the legacy that you leave to your children. It is who you are 20 or 30 years from now when someone meets one of your children and the person says, Wow, I knew your mother when..., What they say and how they view you is the character of what you have left behind. Every single decision, every single choice, and every single business dealing reflects upon who we are and how we are perceived by others. How do you want to be perceived?

Salman Rushdie once said, "Our lives teach us who we are." Our character is built with every experience and every issue that comes our way. After closing my title company a friend came to me about a closing my office handled that was missing doc stamps and now the county was calling her to collect. The bill was $2400 and I took that money out of my personal checking account to make sure she had nothing to worry about and I had nothing out there that could potentially tarnish my good reputation. The damage she could have caused me had I not done the right thing was not worth the money out of pocket. When my title company first opened I was offered all kinds of title work if I passed cash under the table. Tempting yes, but, NO THANKS. I really don't need my children to come visit me in prison.That is not the legacy I want to leave to my children. Many years ago when I was just starting out in law I had my first commercial contract. I called another lawyer that I knew to ask for some guidance and was told to figure it out for myself. Pretty nasty and still 12 years later I am still talking about and never once sent her a referral. That lesson taught me to always share my wealth (knowledge, referrals, forms, employees, advice) with others, there IS enough to go around, and always always always help and mentor those just starting out. Lessons in character appear every single day in many different ways. What do you want others to say about you 12 years later.

So who are you? Are you someone who is there to help a friend out that is in need? My dear friend Laura told me to call George at South County when I was having trouble getting all my observations for Family Law Mediation Certification. She said, "tell him you are my friend." I did just as she suggested and got right in. That is what good friends are all about. Another friend named Laura just lost her job. She works in the event planning industry. She is looking for something in hospitality or corporate event planning. I am attaching her resume because that is the kind of friend I am. When it comes to friends there are sometimes challenges and when you truly believe in someone nothing and I do mean nothing can sway me. I am a very loyal friend and a friend for life. My dear friend Marni just opened a virtual paralegal service, anyone out there that can use her expert services please call her at 561-716-1111 or go to  www.expertlegalassistance.com. Friends are there for each other. They help each other out, give each other advice and listen to the same story over and over again just because. Remember, "To have good friends you must be a good friend."

Who are you in the office? Are you an employee that just gets by hoping not to be found out. Are you someone who takes home office supplies or makes personal calls on company time? Trust me when I tell you, you are not fooling anyone but yourself. Successful people - the ones who climb to the top - they don't hide out and they go above and beyond their duties to impress anyone and everyone to climb the ladder of success. Let's hope they work for the right employers. What kind of boss are you? Do you do the right thing? Take care of your employees? Make them feel needed and appreciated? A true sign of a good employer is when the employees who leave still say great things about you. They are crying on their way out because they loved working for you. They actually do keep in touch. Only you can answer these questions. Remember this quote by Theodore Roosevelt, "Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike."

My life has not been easy the last 2 years, but I have not broken. I just keep going because that is who I am. Character is what defines you when the chips are really down and life is not going your way.  Friedrich Nietzche said it best, "What someone is, begins to be revealed when his talent abates, when he stops showing us what he can do." Just this week on the news I saw a homeless mother and her child looking for shelter in the Florida cold snap. My heart broke to think she is out there with no place to sleep. Here I have this big house with empty beds and it just doesn't seem right. I called my friend Cindy who works with her church to help foster small families when they become homeless. Please send me a single mom. I need to help - I need to do the right thing. Next week I will be meeting with the church officials and hopefully soon I can reach out to a single mom in need. That is the kind of person that I am and the kind of person that I want to teach my son to be. This is my legacy.

"The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can' fight back." - Abigail van Buren (Dear Abby)

"If you can dream it, you can achieve it." - Carole Zucker

Tip 75 starts off 2012 with the answer to the question I have been hearing a lot, "Where Have You Been?" I must admit having loyal fans who miss my weekly Tips is really motivating and clear confirmation to me that I need to get back out there and start communicating again. I will attempt to answer the question for those of you who are curious, but the real question for 2012 is not "Where Have you Been?" BUT "Where Are You Going? So after the one paragraph of catch up and gossip stay tuned for the real TIPS on how to get what you really want this year!!

So, I ended my part time employment with the law firm I was working for after several issues came up that we did not agree on. Stay tuned to see if this resolves itself in the next couple of weeks. The gift that came from this experience was (1) I was reminded of why I opened my own practice years ago - so I would never have to work for someone else, and (2) what a great employer I was. I treated my staff right and they were very loyal to me and the company. I made sure they all knew that if it weren't for them, I could never be so successful. Great lesson!! After 2 1/2 years of being separated from my husband, I have been diligently working on finalizing my Marital Settlement Agreement. Once again in an effort to reinvent myself and create an income producing opportunity to help provide financial independence, I took the Florida Family Law Mediation Course, submitted my application, and created Choice Mediations, LLC. Spent Thanksgiving in New York with my family (1st holiday without my son) which made me feel loved and appreciated. Even got to see my nephew Allen in a play. And finally, I celebrated my 50th birthday by heading to the British Virgin Isles to go sailing with my dear friend Captain Mark aboard his 37 foot catamaran for 5 days (photos on FaceBook). My son just went back to school this week, so I am back dishing out all my secret Tips to help you all have the best life ever!!

So, the question remains, "Where Are You Going?" This questions always means the most as we start a new year. You all know how I stress the importance of setting goals for the year. It is so important to write down your goals. So I ask you?? How may of you have written down your goals for this year? How do you know where you are going if you don't have a road map? The number one most important thing that you can do for yourself right now..., before you even read the rest of this email ..., is to at least write down ONE thing you want to accomplish this year. Think about it for a minute. What is the one thing YOU would like to accomplish this year?? Now write it down !!! You can write it anywhere, but for your convenience I am attaching Annual Goal Planning Forms and a Personal Action Plan Form. My number one goal for this year is to be the HEALTHIEST 50 year old that I can be. So for me; I needed to quit smoking those occasional cigarettes; find a work out regimen that works for me; and to eat healthier.

Remember, your goals need to be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely. Specifics for me would be no more cigarettes, lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks, work out at least 30 minutes per day, eat breakfast every morning. In order to help me achieve my Ultimate Goal of being healthier I am now breaking that down into mini segments of what I need to do in order to achieve my ultimate goal. The next best thing that you can now do after writing this all down is to tell at least ONE other person. Once you speak the goal out loud it takes on a life of its own. Once you start telling other people about what your goals are they start giving you their opinions, ideas and advice. BEWARE of the negative people in your life who never have anything positive to say. BEWARE of the jealous people in your life who wish they had your will power or don't want you to be happier or more successful than they are. BEWARE of the little voice in your own head that doubts your own ability to succeed. You CAN do it and you CAN achieve success even it is one small success at a time. FOCUS on what you do accomplish not what you don't. So, if you worked out for 30 minutes yesterday, but did not fit it in today - don't focus on what you did not do focus on what you did do. To me - 30 minutes yesterday was way better that last year which was ZERO !!! Re-commit to get back on track tomorrow OR revise your goal to work out 3-4 times a week instead of every day. It is better to readjust the goal than to give up entirely. We will all experience set backs and roadblocks. This is just an opportunity to learn something, try another way, and to think outside the box. Set backs and roadblocks are a reason to get together with your board of directors and get their input.

FOCUSING on what you HAVE accomplished promotes good feelings. Good feelings promote renewed motivation. Renewed motivation gives you the energy you need to keep moving forward towards your goal. It's one of the fabulous cycles of life that feeds upon itself. Small rewards are a great way to help you stay focused. Small rewards could be a glass of wine or piece of chocolate. It could be one hour to yourself to indulge in a good book. What ever it is that makes you feel good reward yourself for every accomplishment. Every single accomplishment is one step closer and one more thing you have done. When all else fails make sure you whip out this wonderful anonymous quote on NEVER GIVE UP !!!

The great thing you could do to assure your success is find at least ONE accountability partner. An accountability partner could be anyone (I do not recommend a spouse) who is going to motivate you, support you in reaching your goal, and kick you in the %$# when you need it the most. The best accountability partners also have a goal they are hoping to reach and in turn you can help them with their goal by being their accountability partner. It does not need to be the same goal, although finding a workout buddy for me would be ideal. If your goal is starting a new business, you might want to find 3-4 accountability partners who might act as if they were your board of directors. The more people on the board the more perspectives, ideas and brainstorming occurs. Accountability partners act as your board of directors and you act as theirs.

I want to wish all of you much luck in the coming year. I am available for one on one coaching and planning. In addition to setting goals, I can help with marketing and retention plans. Corporate workshops and keynote speeches are also available. I am committed to your success this year. Stay tuned for more updates on my new business venture as a family mediator. Wishing you and yours a very happy, healthy and successful New Year!! I wish for all of you everything that you wish for!!

"If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else." - Yogi Berra

Tip 74 is on Family. What is your meaning of the word "family"? Family means different things to different people. Some people consider family their little unit of members. Mother, father, brothers and sisters. Others consider family to extend outward to include grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Still others think the people they work with are like family and there are even those that consider their pets family too. None of the definitions are right or wrong, they just reflect your viewpoint on the topic. My personal definition of family which I explain to my 10 year old son; "family is who we are related to by blood, by marriage, and by choice." I think that covers all of the above. I do know one thing, the world would be a very lonely place without people in our lives that we share a mutual unconditional love with. I love this M*A*S*H quote by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford, "I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich."

My fondest memories of growing up on Long Island are of the times that I spent with my family. Not just my parents and brothers, but all 7 of my first cousins and my aunts, uncles and grandparents. Dr. Joyce Brothers confirmed this when she said, "When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses." The happy memories I have growing up with all my cousins around me makes me travel back to New York on a regular basis so that my son can have these great bonding memories with his first cousins too. This is a great quote by George Bernard Shaw, "What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories." These memories are what bonds a family - it's the glue that keeps it together. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my family. Although, if they are reading this - it would be really nice if you made a small effort to come and visit me in Florida from time to time. LOL  xxoxx

Family, as we once knew it, has changed dramatically now that more than 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Many men and women go on to marry again and begin to introduce new members into the family dynamics. We now have step parents and step siblings that through marriage become our family too. My grandfather passed away when I was 3 and my grandmother remarried when I was 5. My grandfather had 3 children and they became my aunts and uncles and their children my cousins. We NEVER said the word STEP in my family and even though my grandparents are gone, we are all still very close. Desmond Tutu once said, "You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." I feel beyond lucky to be able to call them my family. This experience gave me the tools to be a great stepmother to my future ex-husband's children. I am divorcing him, but not my stepchildren.

Family by choice is one of my favorites. When you love someone unconditionally, what happens when they are divorced from your family? Do you divorce them too? There may be some family members you are happy to be rid of and others that you are happy to keep. I like this anonymous quote, "Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts." My son recently asked me, "Is Aunt Marcy still my Aunt?" His father's brother just recently divorced Aunt Marcy and my son was naturally confused. I explained to him that Aunt Marcy is still your Aunt because that is what we choose. Family by choice is precious in all aspects. My best friend Ilana is like a sister to me. I never had a sister so I choose Ilana. When my son was born Ilana was right beside me in the hospital and she was named his Godmother. From that day forward, she became Aunt Ilana - she is family by choice. The definition of family is taking on new meaning in today's world with the economy struggling. Single moms are cohabitating, older children moving back in with their parents sometimes out of need and sometimes to care for the parents. Sharing expenses, lowering expenses, helping with child rearing. Every day I hope that my friend Alys and I become roommates - helping to raise our children together. Remember, "It takes a village to raise a child."

When it comes to the workplace, consider yourself very lucky if you truly feel these people are like family. There is much competition and back stabbing that goes along with work relationships. Bosses are often unappreciative and are only concerned with what have you done for me lately. I have often felt used, demoralized and under appreciated when working for others. When I opened my own law firm and title company I made a promise to myself to always make my employees feel appreciated. What better way to motivate someone than to treat them with respect and appreciation. Most of the relationships I have had during my working years have not gone the distance after one of us parted ways, but there are a few still intact that made the work experience worthwhile.I would hope that your work relationships are more like this quote from Dr. Phil McGraw, "There is an interconnectedness among members that bonds the family, much like mountain climbers who rope themselves together when climbing a mountain, so that if someone should slip or need support, he's held up by the others until he regains his footing." This is a great definition of team work.

"In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by the numbers of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit." - Marge Kennedy 

“It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation and 15 seconds to destroy it." - Carole Zucker

Tip 72 is on The 15 Second Reputation. My mom, Carole Zucker, used to always tell me to guard my reputation. She explained that it takes years of telling the truth and doing the right thing to earn a good reputation in society. She also explained that no matter how good your reputation; one lie, one mean spirited word, one drunken night, could destroy it all for ever. The high school slut is still the slut at the 10, 20 and 30 year reunion. How sad is that !!! So once your reputation is tarnished there is almost no chance of repairing it (Unless you are Charlie Sheen). Ralph Waldo Emerson is quick to remind us, "No change in our circumstances can repair a defect of character." It's those defects in our character that ultimately destroys our reputations. The defects are there no matter how rich or how smart we are. I love this quote by Abraham Lincoln, "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but "HOW" they handle adversity says a lot about their character. Clearly, we will all keep waking up to a new day, but it's how you greet the day that really matters.  Are you someone who welcomes the new day or dreads the new day. Mark Twain once said, "A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation." I am a firm believer that you really see a persons character when they are down and out. Tony Robbins has said, "Surmounting difficulty is the crucible that forms character." Do you look at the glass half full or half empty? I am always looking for the lessons in life, but they are not always apparent. Here is another great quote by Fredrich Nietzsche, "Character is determined more by the lack of certain experiences than by those one has had."

On the other hand, experiences is what give us lessons from which to learn. We hope to learn from each of our mistakes and sometimes even the mistakes of others. These life experiences help us make wiser choices, advise others in similar situations and most importantly, it allows us to really experience empathy. Empathy is defined by Webster's New World College Dictionary as "ability to share is another's emotions or feelings." The only way for this to be real you must have had to experience it yourself. When my mom died at such a young age I was certain that I had learned empathy for the loss of a loved one and I would now be able to there for my close friends when they too would eventually experience this great loss. Eleanor Roosevelt reminded us, "People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." Being honest all the time is not easy. Sometimes it is so much easier to just lie. It is those of us out there that are truly committed to living life honestly and courageously that have nothing to hide who can hold their heads up high.

When we think of our reputations, I know that I am hoping others speak of me with respect. Our reputations are really based on what others are saying about us when we are not in the room. It does not matter how much money you have or how smart you are, our character is there for the world to see. Bruce Lee once said, "Knowledge will give you power, but character respect." I am aiming in my life for the respect. There are many things that will affect our reputations and determine how much respect we get in the world. Integrity, Communication, Responsibility and Commitment and how we handle them will affect our reputations. Zig Ziglar often reminds us, "The foundation stones for balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty." We will talk more about Integrity next week.

As you start your day tomorrow I want you to think of this quote by Albert Einstein, "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character." It is always a good idea to start the day on a positive note. Life is not always easy bit it is how we handle this life that will reflect on the type of person that we are and ultimately our reputations.

"The man who makes everything that leads to happiness upon himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living happily. This is the man of moderation, the man of manly character and of wisdom." - Plato

Tip 71 is on Gratitude.  I am beyond grateful that today I get to present to you my 71st Tip. How awesome is that? Everyone has heard many times "Count your blessings" well I am here to tell you that counting your blessings is the true key to all happiness in life. Spending time wishing for, hoping for, or waiting for something to happen so that you can be happy is really such a waste of precious time and energy. I am always reminding people, "This is not a dress rehearsal" so why wait to be happy. Why spend time complaining about things we don't have or scores we need to settle? Who really cares? Why not focus on what we do have and be grateful for everything in our life today just as it is NOW. I just love this quote by Epictetus, "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has."

The moment I start feeling sorry for myself, which I refer to as my "Pity Party" I immediately go into grateful mode. I grab my journal or any piece of paper will do and start writing down all the things for which I am grateful. The list is often the same list from the last time, but nevertheless, I go through the motions and write down my list. Gerald Good reminds us, "If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily." I am grateful for so many things and I much prefer to focus on that. Focusing on the things that I am grateful for brightens my mood, improves my day and gives me this feeling of overall contentment. What are you grateful for? Believe it or not, I am even grateful for my ex-husband. I was blessed with a wonderful son and 3 incredible step children. He provided financially for us allowing me to open my own law firm and title company. I can go on, but I am hoping that you get my point. I would rather focus my energy on all the things that he did good rather than spend my time focusing on all that he did bad. Brain Tracy reminds us, "Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation." 

Expressing gratitude to others is one of the best things you can do to brighten your day. William Arthur Ward once said, "Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." Last Friday I spoke for Women's Executive Network and as the members went around the room introducing themselves they complimented the next person before handing over the microphone. Smiles quickly spread around the room with everyone receiving a compliment. Try giving 3 compliments today to anyone around you. Compliment them on anything - their service, their shoes, their hairstyle. Watch as their face lights up and the warm feelings spread through you. In business, complimenting and rewarding your staff for a job well done is the best way to motivate them to work harder for you and go the extra mile. Gratitude and appreciation of others gives them wind beneath their wings. Try it at home with your kids and your spouse. You can read Whale Done if you want some great reading on how to raise children with compliments instead of criticism. Remember this quote by John F. Kennedy, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

 Who are you grateful for? When was the last time that you told them how grateful you were?  Albert Schweitzer said it best, "At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." I am always so grateful for Richie, my best friend and first real business mentor. How about being grateful for those out there that are grateful for us? Dr. Abraham Fischler, someone I admire and respect, is always complimenting me on my Tips and forwarding them to others. I am grateful for him in my life and always love hearing from him. Just this week I got a beautiful card from, Cindy,  a business contact and now good friend, just thanking me for all that I do and the kind of person I am. I am grateful for her in my life too. Let those people in your life know how grateful you are for them - it will make their day. Hazrat Inayet Khan said, "A person however learned and qualified in his life's work in whom gratitude is absent, is devoid of that beauty of character which makes personality fragrant."

The Jewish New Year is upon us and it is a great time of to be grateful for all that we have so that next week we can repent. We are also coming to the end of the 3rd quarter of 2011 and there is much we have already accomplished this year to be grateful for. The good news is that we still have 3 months of the year left to run out and finish whatever is left on our plate that we had hoped to complete before the end of the year. Allow me to motivate you through this great quote from Anthony Robbins, "When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears."  I wish you all abundance in the coming months. L'Shanah Tovah for those celebrating the holiday.

"Gratitude is the least of the virtues, but ingratitude is the worst of vices." Thomas Fuller 

“It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for them. To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it when it is discovered shows infirmity of character." - Dale E. Turner

Tip 70 is on Making Amends. We have discussed burning bridges more than once so today let's tackle making amends. Let's face it we all screw up at one time or another. We make poor choices, impulsive decisions, think with the wrong head, forget where our loyalties lie, gossip about someone we care about and the list goes on and on. The most important thing about making mistakes is our ability to admit that we have made them and learn from them. John Powell said it best, "The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing." 

So once we admit we have made the mistake what do we do next? Somehow we try to make things right. It sounds easy right? It is not always as easy as it sounds. Making amends may not always be received as we had hoped, especially if we hurt this person we are trying to make amends with more than once. My mom used to always say, "Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice shame on me." So depending on how bad the mistake was or how often you have made the same or similar mistakes will determine how easy it is to actually make amends.

Our children often say and do things that hurt and disappoint us. Most, if not all, children lie while they are growing up. I have found it much easier to forgive my children for their mistakes because of my unconditional love. Recently I had an issue with one of my adult sons and was very hurt and expressed my hurt to my son. He did not take it too seriously and really made no effort to mend the bridge that he had burned. He needed me to rescue him from a bad situation last week and I gave tough love my best shot and said NO. It was not easy, but it is a lesson that he needs to learn. I hope in the upcoming weeks he goes to work on mending our bridge so that the next time he needs me I will be there for him.

When someone lies and cheats you it may takes years for amends to be made because there is a level of trust that is no longer there. We all know that the foundation of every relationship is based on mutual trust and respect. Without trust and respect there is nothing and trust and respect is so hard to earn back once it has been burned. Again I will quote my mom who used to always say, "It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation and 15 seconds to destroy it." Once I was accused of spreading some gossip about a very dear friend of mine. No matter how much I denied the accusation the bridge was burned and this friend cut me off. I spent years and I do mean years sending her birthday and holiday cards with long letters to her and her husband begging their forgiveness. I never gave up and she was always close to me in my heart. Finally, one day we ran into each other by accident and we both began to cry. We cried for the lost years, for the hurt feelings, for our love of one another, and for the blessing that fate had brought us back together again.

So, we all make mistakes. Phyllis Theroux reminds us, "Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom." When we learn from our mistakes it always makes us wiser.  And Eli Siegel will affirm, "If a mistake is not a stepping stone, it is a mistake." So each mistake we make gets us closer to our truth. Each mistake is a stepping stone making us wiser for the future. To teach us what NOT TO DO in new situations and new relationships. When we look at our mistakes in this way then we can look at our mistakes as the Universe's way of teaching us new things and getting us ready for what lies ahead. I love this anonymous quote, "Never say, "oops" Always say "Ah, interesting."  

I wish you all good luck this week in making amends for the mistakes you have made. I hope for you that you all find many happy endings and good lumber to rebuild. Remember, it may take time (even years), but if you are sincere and you really do care then never give up. "When there is a will there is a way." - Anonymous

“You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." - Mary Pickford

“A mediocre teacher tells. A good teacher explains. A superior teacher demonstrates. A great teacher inspires." - William Arthur

Tip 53 is on Back To School. There is so much to look forward to during this time of the year. For so many of us, this is a time of beginning. Beginning a new school year as students, and as teachers, etc..., Here in Florida this time of year represents the beginning of "season" and the onset of traffic and crowded restaurants as the snow birds start to drift down. It is the beginning of the Jewish New Year and the beginning of fall when the leaves begin to change colors and the forest animals get ready for winter. It is also the end of summer vacation and the end of camp until next year. For me it is the end of my summer hiatus - my break from my weekly tips. I am so glad to be back - I hope you all had an awesome summer.

As school begins for my ten year old son, Brandon, I am relieved to get back into the "school routine." As classes begin we are challenged with getting to know a new teacher and the new teacher getting to know us. I think we can all agree that a teacher can either make or break us. In the 6 years that my son has been going to school my number one priority has been to make sure he feels good about himself. My goal is to provide my son with confidence. He may not get all A's, but he will always feel good about doing his best, trying his hardest, and knowing he can do anything if he sets his mind to it. What is your priority when it comes to learning?

Are you starting a new job or training for a new position?  What is your priority? We are always learning new things and given new challenges. How do you react to this new information? Do you take on learning with zest? Or is a burden? My daughter is being challenged to teach a High School AP Economics class. She is taking on the challenge even though the challenge is daunting. If you are required to take continuing education for your license is this something you enjoy and look forward to? I know that my interest level sitting in a CLE (Continuing Legal Education) has a lot to do with the topic and the teacher? I think the presentation of the material has a lot to do with how excited we are to learn. I know that my son is always aiming to please the teacher - so if he gets a teachers that he can never please or one that could not care less - he will not have a very good year.

Are you a professor, a teacher,  or the leader of a team at work? How is it that you teach or lead? Do you lead by example and allow for others to shine? What about if you are a boss and have employees that work hard for you. Do you compliment and reward them? Do you appreciate all of their hard work? The best way to motivate a student, team or employee is to compliment them on a job well done and reward them as often as possible with small acts of appreciation. Stroking the ego is the best way to get more from someone. This is the way to motivate someone. Think about the opposite - complaints, negativity, avoidance and lack of appreciation all deflate the efforts and motivation of those who are doing their best to please.

Today when you go home to your family - compliment them or appreciate them for one thing that they do. Watch as a smile beams across their face(s). Try that at your office as well - if you are trying to get more out of a person - try complimenting them on all the things they do right. See what happens when you offer suggestions on areas they can improve. When you start with a compliment the defenses go down. Students will react the same exact way. Start to compliment them on everything they are doing right and they will do their best to act better in all areas just to receive the compliments. Also a great way to deter turn over in your company. Compliment and appreciate your employees and watch how hard they will work for you. When I owned my title company everyone got a gorgeous COACH bag for their one year anniversary. Everyone looked forward to this day and we always made a big deal about it. It was my way of saying thank you for giving me one year of your life. I could never have done it without you. This motivated my staff and encourage loyalty. I took care of them so they took care of me. Every year they were rewarded and many of them stayed for many many years.

Not too many quotes today. Just getting my feet wet again with this weeks Tip. I hope all of you had a great summer and I look forward to spending time with you every week as I deliver to you with much love my weekly Tip.

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." -Anonymous
"He who burns his bridges better be a damn good swimmer." - Proverb

"Peaks and Valleys are not just the good and bad times that happen to you. They are also how you feel inside and respond to outside events.” - Spencer Johnson

Tip 65 is on Peaks and Valleys. Today we are going to focus on the valleys. How do you handle the down times in your life. Do you relish the down time or resist? Do you "settle" because you are afraid of holding out? This past month I have really been challenged in the valley of my life and I am so proud to share with all of you that I have not lost my sense of humor, I am staying focused on all that I have and all that I am grateful for, and I have complete faith that the best is yet to come. It has not been easy to keep a smile on my face of late, but I am determined to do so.

This past month I have been dealing with the end of my marriage (an offer is now on the table). As happy as I am that I am getting divorced it is very sad to think that the marriage failed. I don't do failure well, but we can learn from our mistakes and move on. I could really express anger and even hatred towards my ex, but I don't. Instead I wish for him that he finds his own happiness. We all deserve to live in the peaks of life so why not wish others well. Why stoop to their level? Why be angry? Who does it serve? What purpose does it serve? I much prefer to rise to the top, to be above all of the anger and resentment.

I also ended my new relationship with Adam. As disappointed as I am, I feel so proud that I nipped things in the bud before they got out of hand. As soon as things no longer felt good, I was able to walk away without looking back and say good bye. Good bye to behavior I no longer am willing to tolerate. Good bye to condesending, disrespective, angry men. Good bye to men who don't think their behavior is rude. I wonder how they would feel if their daughters met men who spoke to them that way. Would they be rude? I am so looking for a man who is not angry, has nothing to prove, and knows how to treat a lady with respect and appreciation.

My web host has been having some issues that prevented me from sending out my Tip over the last few weeks. I have missed you all terribly and many of you have been worried about me. I am still here - no worries..., We have both had some time to research other options and work on the issues that exist - I am hoping that we have worked things out and we are starting over fresh and new. Loyalty is such a great trait. I could be loyal to a fault, but loyal I am nevertheless. When it is you that I am loyal to, you could bet your money on it.  So did I freak out the last few weeks when my Tip could not go out? No, instead I used the down time to work on other things. Other things that can produce income, other things that could provide resources, other things that could provide fun.

This past weekend I got to spend time with my very loving and supportive family in New York. When I go home to visit it is like I never left. When you are with family it makes no difference whether you are in the valley or on the peak, they love you just the same. While I walk through the valley of my life right now they are there to offer support and guidance. They offer their advice and their opinions. My brothers are there for me through thick and thin. My aunt went out of her way to pick us up at the airport and she found a bed for me to sleep in. Joanie helped me identify what my "ideal" man would look like - thanks - that was a fun exercise and bonding time. Andy and his lovely new bride gave me faith in internet dating. LOL Watching my son bond with his cousins and create life long lasting memories made me feel way on top of the peak of life. I did good - I see it in my son's smile.

Not to many quotes this week. So good to catch up with you all today. I am home nursing bronchitis and laying low. Counting my blessings and feeling grateful for all that I have in my life and especially my family and my loyal readers. I love you all...,

"The path out of the valley appears when you choose to see things differently.”  - Spencer Johnson