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Thank you Tammy for sharing the secrets of your success in business and relationship building. You have truly inspired me to take my business to the next level!

- Dick Sundel, Full Service House Sitting LLC

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Tammy's Tips

Are You Resourceful?

Tammy Saltzman - Wednesday, April 13, 2011
“If you're the type of person who has to fulfill your dreams, you've gotta be resourceful to make sure you can do it." - Vin Diesel

Tip 64 asks the question Are You Resourceful? Just this week my new friend Sonia complimented me by saying that she thought I was resourceful.  She did not realize it as she said it, but I thought that was the nicest compliment anyone has ever given me. I liked it so much I am dedicating this Tip to Being Someone Who Is Resourceful. So once again I ask you, Are You Resourceful? Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word Resourceful as, "full of resource; able to deal creatively and effectively with problems, difficulties, etc". I LOVE that definition!!! I am resourceful. I am a problem solver, a brainstormer, a masterminder and a coach. I own it and I am thrilled. This is not something that you are when you just are getting started in the business world. It takes experience and age to really become someone who is resourceful. The more we experience and learn in life, the more resourceful we become. Many of us also, have a special way of looking at things, at tackling problems head on, and that makes us appear resourceful to others.

Growing up, the person I most admired was my stepmom, Martha. No matter what it was, no matter what the question, no matter what I needed, she was my go to person. When all else failed I always knew Martha would have the answer or know where to find the answer. I used to say, "Martha is the most resourceful person I know." Now many many years later to be called resourceful in my own right is really too good to be true. It is always interesting how life comes full circle. Thank you Sonia for saying this is now a quality that you see in me and admire. My friend Dic also expressed this compliment to me indirectly by sending Carol my way. Carol just opened her own appellate practice in town and Dic referred her to me as someone who was well connected and could introduce her around. "She's a good person for you to know." WOW!!! Thank you Dic !! I emulate you - because it was not too long ago that you were my go to guy in all things legal. You were always a great resource for me and it is my pleasure to now return the favor. For Carol to succeed she must be resourceful and be around resourceful people. I love this quote by Gary Ryan Blair, "You cannot afford to wait for perfect conditions. Goal setting is often a matter of balancing timing against available resources. Opportunities are easily lost while waiting for perfect conditions."

Resourceful people know how to get things done. They know who to call. They know where to go. Resourceful people know how to solve problems, come up with solutions, overcome obstacles and know how to think outside the box. The best part of being resourceful is knowing when you don't know and knowing where to look for it. I may not always have the answer, but I know who I can call who might be able to help. You have to stop and laugh when you hear this quote by Scott Adams, "There is nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot."  I also think resourceful people make the best networkers. They know how to bring key people together, how to make the right introductions and how to give more than they promise so they are always over delivering. Resourceful people know how to put the right team of people together to get any job done. They also know how to analyze production, motivate others, and create a true team spirit.

How can you be resourceful today? Do you have a project that you have been putting off because you don't have all the answers? Who would have all the answers or at least some of them. Who would you need to call to answer some of the tough questions. Believe it or not, sometimes your competition turns out to be the best resource. Who better to ask than someone who has been there and done that. Who would turn down a call from someone saying that you admire them and would like to learn more about how they have been so successful? Resourceful people know how to get information out of people and how to make them feel good about divulging. Resourceful people are always appreciative of their resources. Don't let obstacles stop you. Remember this quote by Daniel J. Boorstin, "The courage to imagine the otherwise is our greatest resource, adding color and suspense to all our life." 

Feel free to call me if there is a project that you are working on that needs completion. I am happy to work with you in getting the project outlined and putting a personal action plan into place. For those of you feel you can manage on your own I am attaching a copy of my personal action plan for your own use (FORM). Good luck being resourceful or gathering other resourceful people into your lives.

“Remember you will not always win. Some days, the most resourceful individuals will taste defeat. But there is, in this case, always tomorrow - after you have done your best to achieve success today." - Maxwell Maltz
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Do What You Love..., Love What You Do

Tammy Saltzman - Wednesday, March 16, 2011
“If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you."  - T. Alan Armstrong

Tip 61 is on Do What You Love..., Love What You Do. How many of us really get to do what we love every single day of our lives? One of my first secrets to success that I share with students is, "They should follow their own dreams not their parent's dreams." It amazes me how many adults that I meet that are looking for motivation and can't seem to find it becuase they really don't love what they're doing. How excited and motivated can any one person be if they are not passionate about their work or their projects in life. When there is passion there is motivation. Oprah Winfrey has said many times, "Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you." Think about that. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths and dream your biggest dreams. If you could be doing anything you wanted to do what would it be?  Here is a great quote from Julia Cameron, "What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us."

Do you know the answer to the question? Are you in touch with your dreams? What was it you wanted to be when you were young? For me, I always wanted to be a lawyer or the President of the United States of America. For me it was never a teacher or a nurse like many young girls yearn to be. I love this anonymous quote, "Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it." Your ultimate dream may take time and may take patience. I did not go to school to get my undergraduate degree until I was 26 years old. It took me 8 long years of full-time employment and part-time schooling, then 3 years of law school. It took an very long time, but time passed and eventually my dream came to fruition. I practiced real estate law for 9 years and then started coaching other lawyers on how to build their book of business. My goals transformed into a dream of speaking and training and coaching.  My dream is still getting refined because what I love more than anything is speaking to students. How cool is that to be so sure of what it is that makes you happy that makes you feel "used up" as George Bernard Shaw would tell us. Be careful, this quote by Walter Chrysler says it all, "I feel sorry for the person who can't get genuinely excited about his work. Not only will be never be satisfied, but he will never achieve anything worthwhile."

The feeling one gets from doing what they love is euphoric. Packed with chills, goose bumps and what I refer to as the "work orgasm." There is no motivation needed when you really love what you do. Mondays are exciting and full of new possibilities. TGIF means "Thank God I Feel" - and I will rest so that I can be productive again on Monday. When we do what we love we are always telling others about what we do and sharing our joy and our passion. We try to recruit everyone and want everyone to be as content as we are. WOW!!! Earl Nightingale said it best, "The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path to its fulfillment." I will remind you again, "this is not a dress rehearsal." Stop waiting for the kids to leave or your husband to retire to go back to school or to begin a new career. You are never too old and it is never too late.

It is a life sentence to go to a job everyday that does not bring you joy. I am not saying that you should go out and quit your job, but sit down and mastermind a plan for yourself. If you need help speak with a mentor or significant other to see what would need to happen to have your dream come true. I am always available for coaching sessions as well. Here is another great anonymous quote, "Many things will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart... PURSUE THOSE."  Let me give you a perfect example.  I was getting my nails done last Friday and the nail technician, Erica, was complaining about how much she disliked her jobs. She works full time for a restaraunt in their catering department and then 2 days doing nails. Neither job is her dream job so they both seems like chores to her. There is no passion and no joy. I asked her if she could do anything she wanted what would that be. She did not even think about it before she blurted out she would do something in animal rescue. When she described her dream job her whole demeanor changed. She got this huge smile on her face, her eyes lit up, she sat up straight and she was so excited. I encouraged her to look into her dream. Do work on Sunday doing animal rescue to get some experience. Get on the dog rescue lists of persons willing to take in animals. She may not be able to quit her other jobs right away, but perhaps down the road she can come up with an exit strategy. Confucius once said, "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life."

“Dont' ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman   
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Guerrilla Goal Getting

Tammy Saltzman - Wednesday, March 09, 2011

“The world has a habit of making room for the person whose words and actions show that they know where they're going." - Napoleon Hill

Tip 61 is on Guerrilla Goal Getting. Guerrilla Goal Getting is a concept and subsequent workshop that I created that has turned into a huge success. Think about the word Guerrilla and the definition from my favorite dictionary, Webster's New World College Dictionary, "warfare carried on by guerrillas; any member of a small defensive force of irregular soldiers, usually volunteers, making surprise raids especially behind the lines of an invading enemy army; of or by guerrillas, characteristic of guerrillas; undercover, clandestine or radical, subversive."  I just love this definition and I think that many of you would agree that sometimes it might take some Guerrilla action to get things accomplished - to actually reach our goals - to ultimately achieve our dreams. WOW!!! Mark Twain once said, "The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is found in their perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit."

So, Guerrilla Goal Getting is a group of focused, determined and committed participants whose purpose is to set goals, communicate those goals to the other participants (Guerrillas), and devise a plan with the help of the group to achieve those goals. Now read the quote again from above, "The world has a habit of making room for the person whose words and actions show that they know where they're going." That quote is worth repeating twice because I am a firm believer that if you speak a new reality you will manifest a new reality. As soon as you can get clear on what your goal is and communicate that goal to others the world starts to shift and provide for you what you need to make that goal a reality. Lawrence J. Peter once said, "If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else." The power of Guerrilla Goal Getting starts with writing down your goals, but then continues with the ability to communicate those goals to others who are totally committed to having you achieve your goals. You now have a team or an army or board members who are there to help you reach your goals.

The Guerrilla Goal Getting group meets once per week to talk about their goals. They will report their progress and admit their defeats. The group will then brainstorm and mastermind together to come up with ideas, suggestions, and solutions to overcoming obstacles, dealing with setbacks, resolving issues that may never have gotten resolved if not for the team of Guerrillas. I love this quote by Henry Ford, "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal." Obstacles are always less scary when you have a team of people committed to helping you overcome that obstacle. The group was not started to be a referral group, but it amazes me how many referrals actually get passed on a weekly basis. The support from the members of the group is astounding - we all support each others' charities, business functions and speaking engagements. We all helped Toby win the Delray Beach Chamber weight loss contest, we all attended the ballet when Chim invited us, and when Leslie and Sue did a talk at the library we all were there to offer our support. Love this quote by Oliver North, "Our purpose is not to complain about the steepness of the climb, but to help each other on the way that is often difficult and sometimes perilous, And in the end, all that we do should not be done to glorify ourselves, but to serve others."

So how are you doing with your goals for 2011? At the end of last year did you look to see what you wanted to accomplish for the new year? Do you have a goal in mind that you are hoping to achieve? Diana S. Hunt reminds us that, "Goals are dreams with deadlines." And Larry Elder reminds us, "A goal without a plan is just a wish." The end of the first quarter is coming on March 31. This is a great time to evaluate your progress and perhaps reshape your plan if necessary. Setting goals is one of the best things that you can do for yourself. Successful people do not just arrive - they have worked long and hard in the past to get to where they are today. I love this quote by Beverly Sills, "There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."  Remember, this is not a dress rehearsal. This is your life and no one is going to knock on your door and hand you your dream on a silver platter.  Each and every one of us is responsible for reaching our own goals and achieving our own dreams. The time is now.

I am attaching an annual goal planning sheet for your to get started with (CLICK HERE). Each one of your goals should have its own personal action plan. Please feel free to call and schedule a one hour coaching session if you need help of any kind. Because I am so committed to having all of you achieve your dreams, for Goal Setting purposes only I am offering my coaching at half price !!!! Only $175.00 per hour if you need my assistance to creating a plan to have your dreams come true. Please feel free to call the toll free number listed at the top of this email. The time is now, as Anthony Robbins said, "How am I going to live today in order to create the tomorrow I'm committed to?" Let me help you set up a plan for today so you can make your dreams a reality. Take a minute to think about what it is that you want to accomplish this year. Another way of looking at it is - close your eyes, take a few deep breathes, think about if you could do anything that you dreamed of doing what would that be? T.S. Eliot said this best, "Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."  My own personal dream is to reach out to students of all ages. This is what I am passionate about. I want to take my Keynote: 10 Achievement Attributes for Success in College and Beyond into the college and university market and speak to students and parents at Orientation and Career Day activities. So the question becomes, what is it I need to do to make this happen? My dream will never become a reality unless I start to speak my dream to others and come up with an action plan to make it happen.

Be prepared to hit roadblocks, obstacles and adversities. It is not "if" they happen, but "when" they happen. I promise you success is not always easy. We only hear about people and businesses once they actually become successful. The road to success is long and bumpy and it is only the strong, the survivors, and the heroines who come back from defeat time after time to follow their dream and persevere. Jack Penn once said, "One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks." This is the power of the Guerrilla Goal Getting group. Please contact me if you are interested in joining a Guerrilla Goal Getting group here in South Florida. There are 2 groups up and running and another 2 in formation. If you want to start a group in your area please contact me for more information on how to get started. I will provide the manuals and the roadmap for starting and maintaining a successful group in your area.

“Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success." - Vincent van Gogh

 

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Patience

Tammy Saltzman - Wednesday, March 02, 2011

“Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement, and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook which eventually leads to success."        - Brian Adams 

Tip 60 is on Patience. I have heard it said many times that we often teach what we need to learn the most. Going back to a Tip from last year called Patience is a Virtue I realized that I claimed to be a patient person. That claim might not really be totally true and it is time for me to come clean. The proverb, "Patience is a virtue", is one that I aspire to master in all areas of my life. I also notice that there are some things that I am more patient with than others. I was patient when going to school to earn first my bachelor's degree and then my law degree. I was patient when building my home and carefully selecting all of the furnishings. Yet, as I participate in these areas of my life, the day to day management style is one of I want what I want and I know what I want and when I want it I want it now or yesterday if at all possible. So St. Francis de Sales said it right when he said, "Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself."

So when I was in college I knew exactly what classes I wanted to take and what time I needed to take those classes. I did not dilly dally and was never a big fan of dropping or switching classes. I was focused and assured and moved full steam ahead with the decisions I made and the direction I was headed. I never changed my major and everything from the LSAT to the Bar exam was timed in perfect harmony toward the end goal. Undergrad took 7 years part time while I worked full time and law school was another 3 years, so many would say that I did exhibit patience. Barbara Johnson really explains it well, "Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears." If I could I would have finished college in 3 years instead of 7, but I did what I could and patiently waited for the credits to add up so I could graduate. I really lose patience when others around me are not as focused. Both my stepsons took a semester off from college in 2010 to "figure things out" and are now on their own 6 year college plan and not sure of what they want to do with their lives so they are majoring in business. Our children always try our patience.

When I decorated my house I never took my mom or a friend for a second opinion. I knew what I liked and what I didn't like. Sometimes I would take something home to select a fabric or carpet and just to make sure the colors worked, but I was decisive and matter of fact. My home is beautiful and as I look around I have a real sense of pride. Not everyone is like that though.  Some people we all know can never make a decision. They hem and they haw and they ask everyone and their brother what they think before they ever make a decision. I have no patience for people like that. I am the same way with shoes and clothes. I either like it or I don't. There is a Chinese Proverb that says, "All good things come to those who wait." Wait for what though and why do we have to wait for all good things?  Why can't we have all good things now!!! The late George Jackson once said, "Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice." 

In business we need to practice patience every single day. Patience with our partners, our bosses and our employees. Our coworkers are always trying our patience and let's face it we spend more time with them than we do with our own families. You have heard me say so many times that the client/customer is always right and boy do you need to have a lot of patience when it comes to making sure the customer is always happy. I like this quote by Lord Chesterfield, "Patience is a most necessary qualification for business; many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request."  I so believe this to be true. I have found that when a client has been unhappy in the past if I take the time to really listen and hear their point of view it is enough to calm the waters down once again. I think that Sir Isaac Newton probably said it best, "If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent." WOW I find that profound.

I am now learning that I have little patience for the dating game. I used to be quite good at it back in the day before I was married. Now my time is limited and my needs are very different. I love  the institution of marriage and like having a partner in life. I have no patience for the games and they getting to know you stage - even though it is a lot of fun. Again, I know what I like and I know what I want and this is not a dress rehearsal. My grandma, Redmama,  used to say, "Men are like buses another one comes by every few minutes." The problem is who has time to inspect bus after bus after bus. We all know that relationships aren't easy and in the end if it is meant to be it will be. So all I could do is relax, be patient and enjoy the ride. Here is another great quote, "The secret of patience is doing something else in the meanwhile." That is all fine and good, but when you do meet someone that you really like you want it more and you want it now. Patience in areas of the heart is never easy.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. An the point is to live everything. Live the questions." - Rainer Maria Rilke
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Mentors

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, February 22, 2011

“Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction." - John Crosby

Tip 59 is on Mentors.  If you are someone who is lucky enough to have found good mentors in your life then you are a very lucky person. Mentors have the ability to change a persons reality. Sometimes, even when you don't believe in yourself a good mentor who does believe in you can swoop in and save the day. It was my mother who first told me I could anything I set my mind to, but it was my Papa Joe who really believed in me.  He would look at me with these knowing looks and tell me, "Kid, I have faith in you.  I know that you could do it." I always went to Papa Joe when I needed advice and guidance and he was always quick to offer me support. He even offered to pay my home mortgage during my first year in law school because he believed in me and wanted to contribute. My Aunt Jackie paid for all my books during law school - she too was so proud of me and wanted to show her support. On graduation day - I was the one who earned the JD degree, but I could not have done it without the emotional and financial support of my grandparents, parents and extended family.

Successful people quickly realize that there is no express train to the top of the ladder. It takes hard work and the quick advice of many mentors along the way. Navigating the road to success does not come without roadblocks, obstacles and set backs. Many of the mistakes we make cost us money, business, and sometimes even relationships. Finding the right mentors to help guide you through can sometimes make all the difference. James A. Autry once said, "Make something of yourself. Try your best to get to the top, if that's where you want to go, but know that the more people you try to take with you, the faster you'll get there, and the longer you'll stay there." Once you are at the top giving that knowledge to others helps groom the next generation for success. Marsha Blackburn said it best, "Everyone has a transferable commodity - knowledge. Sharing your unique expertise and making introductions for someone creates a lasting legacy."

My very dear friend Richie was my very first business mentor. He really taught me everything he knew about selling.  He taught me the art of selling. Drawing them in, filling a need, and even getting to the close. The skills that he taught me 30 years ago are still with me every single day. It has made me a better lawyer, a better speaker, and a better mentor.  Helping others to be the best that they can be has been very rewarding. Benjamin Disraeli has said, "The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches but to reveal to him his own." I have mentored many over the years especially the daughters of my dear friends who were thinking of law school. I am quick to forward resumes and letters of recommendation. Anything I can do to help someone else achieve their own dreams brings me enormous pleasure. Remember this quote by Winston Churchill, "We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give."

In business we always need good mentors. I often encourage others to seek out their biggest competitor to ask them for their secrets to success. You would be surprised how much your competition is willing to share with you. Andy Rooney said it best, "I've learned that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am." Only once in my whole career, did another female lawyer tell me to use my brain when I asked for some help with my first commercial real estate contract. I though she was beyond rude and I never once sent her a referral, but I learned the importance of mentoring others. I love this Japanese proverb, "Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher." If someone you know needs a little help, please don't tell them to use their brain. They are calling you and asking for help because their brain cannot yet comprehend the material.

As parents it is important to act as a mentor to your children.  Forget the do as I say not as I do stuff. That won't work in today's society and the best way to teach our children is through example. Walk your talk and tow the line. Earvin "Magic" Johnson once said, "All kids need a little help, a little hope, and someone who believes in them."  Be a parent not a friend when necessary and most importantly teach your children respect and appreciation. Two very valuable moral qualities that will help them to search out mentors in their lives, appreciate those mentors, and then hopefully if they learned how to share, share those lessons with others.  Remember this anonymous quote, "A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because some else thought they could."

“One of the things I keep learning is that the secret of being happy is doing things for other people." - Dick Gregory
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The Power of Intention

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, February 15, 2011
“The winners in life think constantly in terms of I can, I will, and I am.  Losers, on the other hand, concentrate their waking thoughts on what they should have or would have done, or what they can't do." - Denis Waitley 

Tip 56 is on The Power of Intention.  This is by far one of my favorite topics because I truly am a firm believer in something my mom once told me, she said, "Tammy if you can think it than you can do it."  What an incredible adventure life becomes when you believe that all things are possible and that you are capable of achieving all of your dreams if you just set your mind to do so.  I love the power of positive affirmations and practice the daily ritual of keeping pleasant notes around my home and in my car reminding me of all things possible. Some of my favorites: "Things always work out for me, " "I have abundance mentality," "G-d will always provide for me and my family," "Let go and let g-d." Think about the things that you say every single day to yourself.  Are they good positive reminders of all things possible or are they negative? Are you someone who looks at the glass half full or half empty? Do you believe in miracles? These are great thought provoking questions to really get you thinking. Wayne Dyer has often said, "The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind."

When I started looking for a job last year I had in mind the exact job that I wanted to create. I wanted to work 25 hours a week so that I could be home everyday at 3:00 pm for my son. I wanted to work from home and wanted the support of my employers for my speaking and coaching business. I wanted certain expenses covered - I had really outlined almost everything even prior to making one phone call. I called Ronda Ellis, Esquire and the rest is history. My power of intention was so strong that I created my dream job, with my dream employer, Ellis, Ged & Bodden, P.A. working with the greatest people and happy every single day. Another great Wayne Dyer quote, "Happiness is something that you are, and it comes from the way you think." Only I know what will make me happy, only I know what my true desires are. James Allen said it best, "A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life."

We must all have a master plan, goals to reach and dreams we hope one day to achieve. Only you know in your heart the road you should take or they path you should follow. I love this quote by Mark Victor Hansen, "You control your future, your destiny. What you think about comes about. By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands - your own." Don't let life just happen to you - make it happen.  This is not a dress rehearsal. Writing down your goals could perhaps be the one greatest gift you could give yourself.  The second would be sharing your goals with at least one committed listener who supports you and what you hope to achieve. Johann Wolfgang von Gothe said it best, "The moment one definitely commits oneself, the providence moves too. All sort of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred...unforeseen incidents, meeting, and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way."  The power of intention is a force to be reckoned with and all things are possible if we desire them to be possible.

Whether it is business or personal goals you hope to achieve Napoleon Hill tells us, "Hold a picture of yourself long and steadily enough in your mind's eye, and you will be drawn to it." Since my separation I have been saying that there was someone out there looking for me. I knew that all I had to do was wait and be patient. I knew in my heart that he would find me if I believed that he would. When I least expected it, my girlfriend Lisa called to fix me up with Adam. Deepak Chopra said it best, "Intentions compressed into words enfold magical power."  I am a firm believer in magical power and things happening for a reason. Who knows if my thoughts are what attracted Adam into my life or not, but why not believe. Wayne Dyer has taught us, "The power of intention is the power to manifest, to create, to live a life of unlimited abundance, and to attract into your life the right people at the right moments."  My dear friend Adiel would confirm, all she had to do was whisper her intention to find gainful employment and everyone she loves rallied around her to help her, guide her, and support her intentions. Sometime all it takes is a whisper - G-d is always listening even when it's just a whisper.

"Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is."  - Mary Anne Radmacher
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Consideration

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, February 08, 2011

“Your greatness is measured by your kindness; your education and intellect by your modesty; your ignorance is betrayed by your suspicions and prejudices, and your real caliber is measured by the consideration and tolerance you have for others." - William J. H. Boetcker

Tip 57 is on Consideration. The word consideration can be used in a multitude of ways. Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word consideration as follows: "the act of considering; careful thought or attention; deliberation; thoughful or sympathetic regard for others; something that is, or should be considered; a thought or opinion produced by consideration; regard, esteem, importance; a recompense, as for services rendered, fee, compensation; something of value given in exchange for something of value given or done by another, inducement for a contract." WOW!!! For purposes of this Tip we are going to focus on consideration of others - more specifically, thoughful or sympathetic regard for others.

So are you someone who is considerate of others? In order to be considerate of others we must be thoughtful of another or be able to sympathize with them. Didn't Confucius once say, "Do not judge me until you walk a mile in my shoes."? When I became a full time step mother and someone from the outside would criticize me, especially the in-laws, I would say, you try raising 3 children who don't belong to you and see how easy it is. People can easily cast stones or pass judgment without first being empathetic and considerate of the person they are judging. I am a firm believe in trying to really imagine what it would be like to be in that person's shoes - how would I react to their circumstances, how would I communicate and what would I say? Confucius also said, "Consideration for others is the basic of a good life, a good society."

Consideration is very important in business. Owners of companies always need to be considerate of their staff as well as considerate of their vendors.  Let's also not forget how important it is to be considerate of the patrons that bring income to the business. I am sure if you are a business owner you have heard the saying, "The customer is always right." That sounds like red carpet consideration or said a different way, conderation at its finest. Even when we are faced with an unhappy client sometimes all it takes is a little consideration of the client's woes and they immediately feel appreciated. We all want to feel appreciated and when we are considerate of others they cannot help but feel appreciated. I have always found that instead of asking someone to do something for me it always sounded better asking someone for help to do something. When your staff see that you too are willing to pitch in and help they are much more likely to fully participate and embrace the team spirit.  Margaret Chase Smith said,"Every human being is entitled to courtesy and consideration. Constructive criticism is not only to be expected but sought."

Sometimes we form strong opinions and stand strong in our positions. Consideration of others sometimes means hearing other peoples' opinions and trying them on, like a sweater, before completely dismissing their point of view. I am someone who is very strong in their opinions and I can often bump heads with someone who is also strong in their opposing position.  We can argue till the cows fly over the moon and it doesn't mean that I am right and they are wrong.  It also does not mean that I am wrong and they are right.  All it means is that we have opposing views and we are each entitled to our own beliefs. We can agree to disagree. Better yet, how about agreeing to sleep on it for a day or too.  Perhaps a little more research is needed. Perhaps speaking to a few other people can help to clarify some issues. I love this quote by Benjamin Franklin, "For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged, by better information or fuller consideration, to change opinions, even on important subjects, which I once though right but found to be otherwise." So even sometimes, we may change our minds after careful consideration. Wow - how awesome is that.

Consideration in family relationships is always important too. Remember this quote by Bryant H. McGill, "Courteousness is consideration for others; politeness is the method used to deliver such considerations." Children must have consideration for their parents and parents need to have consideration for their children. Most important is in marriages - it is so very important to have consideration for your spouse. Failing to have consideration could destroy any marriage. So children must be taught to respect their parents, tell the truth, and follow the rules of the household. Parents worry and regardless of how old you are you are still your mother's baby. So remember to call your mom when she is sitting home waiting for you. Just a small little effort can make a mom feel appreciated because you are being considerate.  Same goes for parents and their children. Do not expose your children to things or people that are not good for them, tell your children the truth - they know when you are lying, be respective of their needs and wants so when your daughter invites you to the school dance know that it is really important to her. Consideration of a spouse is a must and I am sure that the happiest and longest marriages are built on mutual trust, respect and consideration.

When we go back and look at The Ten Commandments - they are basic human rules for a harmonious existence. Those commandments set out rules for everyone to follow so that the people of the world can co-exist together.  These ten simple rules are so basic that every single person can follow them if they so desire. Just imagine...., everyone on earth following the ten commandments, everyone living in harmony, everyone being considerate of each other. I love this quote by Dwight D. Eisenhower, "Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace."

“A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference." - Winnie the Pooh
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Being Careful

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, February 01, 2011
“Be careful what you water your dreams with.  Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nuture your dreams." - Lao Tzu

Tip 56 is on Being Careful. Are you someone who tends to be careful and cautious or are you someone that jumps in with both feet and throws caution to the wind?  There is a good arguement for both perspectives.  Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word careful as follows, "acting or working in a thoughtful, painstaking way; cautious, wary, or guarded."  And the word carefree as, "free from troubles or worry." I do believe that there is a time to be careful and a time to be carefree. Feeling carefree is a gift that we should all enjoy whenever we can and it is usually a reward that we get from being careful. Ben Franklin once said, "Distrust and caution are the parents of security." It is only when we feels most secure that we can throw caution to the wind and enjoy a carefree moment.

As a lawyer it is really my job to look for all the things that can go wrong. It is our job as attorneys to let our clients know what is their worst case scenario. We are trained to look at the upside and weight it against the downside. It is our job to make sure that the client knows the worst possible outcome of each decision they make so that they can make an educated decision. I try hard not to be this pessimistic in my real world, but when a client pays you to play the devils advocate it is our ethical responsibility to perform. Ralph Waldo Emerson will remind us, "A man is usually more careful of his money that he is of his principles."

In business we are always cautious.  Buying businesses, taking in partners, hiring employees, and securing vendors. It's a risky business out there and checking out the reputation of the people we do business with makes perfect sense. With today's technology everyone's information is just a click away on Google. The Better Business Buereau and Daily Business Review have all their records available on line. Court records and deeds are all public documents that are now available on line at most court houses throughout the United States. When is comes to financial matters we need to be as careful as possible. Not only do we consult our lawyers, but we now consult our CPA's, financial planners, and our estate planners. Unfortunately, no matter how careful we are are many of life's lessons end up costing us money. Do your best to try and learn the expensive lessons from the mistakes of others. Remember this by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Every step of life shows much caution is required." I think that is another way of saying the older we get the more jaded we become.

As a parent I am always cautioning my children to be careful. We start when they are very young. Don't touch the stove, look both ways when you cross.  Be careful!! We are worried for our children and don't want them to get hurt. Even as adults our parents are worried and still tell us to be careful. Adam's mom Joan just told him to be careful when he told her all about me this past week. I have heard the same advice as well from my well meaning friends and family. Joan doesn't know me and my friends don't know Adam, but everyone says the same thing, "We are so happy for you. Go slow, be careful." When it comes to matters of the heart it is so much harder to be careful. The excitement and the hope take over and just sweep you off your feet.  Aren't we all looking for ever lasting love?? Bertrand Russell once said, "Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness." Yet e.e.cummings reminds us, "Be of love a little more careful than of anything." I would like to think that what he meant was that once you find love be careful with it, preserve it and cherish it so that you don't lose it. Sorry Joan, it's too late - if it doesn't work out it will probably hurt, but if it does work out - G-d bless and thank you Lisa.

“It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution." - Alvin  Toffler 
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Appreciation

Tammy Saltzman - Monday, January 31, 2011

“None of us got where we are solely by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps.  We got here because somebody - a parent, a teacher, an Ivy League crony or a few nuns - bent down and helped us pick up our boots."- Thurgood Marshall

Tip 54 is on Appreciation. Specifically appreciation of other people in your life that really made a difference.  Many people come and go into our lives everyday, but every now and then we are moved by the acts of others. Look back and see who is it that really impacted your life in one way or the other. The impact could even be bad, but what we actually learned was good. Have we said "thank you" to the people that have made some lasting impression?  I started thinking about this as I prepared for the International Speech Contest tomorrow at Toastmasters.  I am doing my speech about my dad and all the lessons that I have learned from him and how much I appreciate all that I learned. I can't call my dad to say thank you, but I can honor his memory by keeping his name (Saltzman) and using all that I learned from him for good. I love this quote by John F. Kennedy, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

As I started to think about all my appreciation I have for my dad, I started realizing that in the last few days I have been very appreciative. My dear friend Monty invited me to one of his infamous wine dinners.  The food and wine was delicious, the company delightful, and a good time was had by all. Another dear friend Lisa set me up on a blind date Saturday night. The date happened to be one of the best blind dates I ever had, but regardless, I was so appreciative that she thought of me and passed my number along. I tried to express my appreciation by sending Monty an email the next morning and texting Lisa some of the details from my Saturday night date. Remember, Mark Kay Ash once said, "Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don't keep it a secret." As far as love is concerned, Alexander Smith reminds us, "Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition." Hence, the great date with Adam.

You are always hearing me talk about how much I love my job and the firm that I work for, Ellis, Ged & Bodden, P.A. Yes, I am constantly appreciating my working situation, but it means nothing if I don't communicate it to the people I work for and the people I work with.  I am always telling my boss how much I love my job and how much fun I have every single day. I truly believe this quote by William James, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." And if there is ever a time that you don't appreciate your job, please remember this quote by Oscar Wilde, "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." And if you are a business owner that happens to have great employees, remember they too want to be appreciated.  Sam Walton, founder of Walmart, really said it best, "Appreciate everything your associates do for the business. Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well timed, sincere words of praise.  They're absolutely free and worth a fortune."

So, as I was sitting here writing my Tip my son's tutor came in to provide me with the weekly progress report for Brandon.  Greg Yodowitz, like most teachers is under paid and under appreciated.  Teachers are responsible for our children's futures.  Teachers never get enough appreciation.  Mr. Yodowitz, we love you, thanks for making a difference in Brandon's education. Dan Rather said it best, "The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometime poking you with a sharp stick called truth."  So really, please act immediately to this anonymous quote, "If you can read this, go thank a teacher." If you live in the Boca Raton area and are looking for a good tutor see Mr. Yodowitz's contact information below.

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." Fredierick Keonig
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Honesty

Tammy Saltzman - Monday, January 24, 2011

“We tell lies when we are afraid...afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.  But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger." _ Tad Williams

Tip 54 is on Honesty. My favorite, Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word honesty as, "the state or quality of being honest; a refraining from lying, cheating or stealing; a being truthful, trustworthy, or upright; sincereity, fairness, straightforwardness." Are you someone who always tells the truth? Or are you someone who tells white lies? Are you someone that justifies telling little white lies to save someone's feelings? Take a good long look at what others would say about you.  Are you someone who can be trusted or not?  That is a huge question!!! The answer means everything and says everything about your reputation out there in the real world.  I am brutely honest to a fault. This proverb totally describes me, "If you truly want honesty, don't ask the questions you don't really want the answers to." Yes, sometimes the truth does hurt, but I would much rather cause a small hurt by telling the truth then causing a huge ongoing hurt because I lied.

This anonymous quote says it all, "Once a liar, always a liar." Once someone lies to you, how could you ever ever ever trust them again. Every single time they say anything to you after they are caught lying, you can't help but wonder if they are lying again. My mom used to always say, "It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation and 15 seconds to destroy it." It is in those 15 seconds that you decide to tell a lie instead of telling the truth. Most of the time when we lie it is because it is easier, or so we think, to tell the lie. So instead of saying, I'm tired tonight and not in the mood to go out to dinner - we say sorry my kid is sick. I am not sure why some of us think it is easier to lie because now days later when you speak with that friend you need to remember that you told them the kid was sick and the lying continues when they ask you how your kid is feeling. I love this Spencer Johnson quote, "Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people." Integrity also means not looking for loopholes to justify your lies.

Many years ago when I took the original EST Training, I was 15 years old, and I decided right there and then to never ever tell a lie again. I decided that I wanted to be someone who others could trust. I wanted to have a reputation of honor and integrity. William Shakespeare said it best, "Honest is the best policy. If I lose mine honor, I lose myself." It is so much easier to just tell the truth and deal with the ramifications at the time. It takes so much more effort to lie. Here is another great quote, this time by Mark Twain, "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."

White lies never hurt anyone..., How many times have you heard that. It might not hurt the person you are lying to, but it definitely hurts you.  You become known as someone who doesn't tell the truth.  You are someone who tells white lies. I love this quote by Austin O'Malley, "Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color blind." We make excuses for our small white lies and justify our actions by saying we are saving another person's feelings.  Remember this yiddish proverb, "A half truth is a whole lie." It is never easier to just tell a small white lie.

We have all heard this quote before, "Actions speak louder than words." How about, "Children learn from example."  Think about this.  Your children will grow up and emulate you as best as they can. How do you want your children to view you? They know the truth - they are always an earshot away.  They know in their hearts whether you are a parent who tells the truth or not. Think about this quote from Roy L. Smith, "We are apt to forget that children watch examples better that they listen to preaching." And here is another great quote to remember from Clarence Businton Kelland, "My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."  Keep this in mind next time you are on the phone or at a store or you have company over and your children are there to watch, to hear and to learn from your example. Be the kind of parent that sets a good example for your children.  Teach them to tell the truth! Always remember this quote by William Shakespeare, "No legacy is so rich as honesty."
 

“To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; to be credible we must be truthful." - Edward R. Murrow
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