Tammy's Tips

“I am only one, but I am one.  I cannot do everything, but I can do something.  And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do."  - Edward Everett Hale

“The Entrepreneur - They can set aside their assurance for a 40-hour week; they leave the safe cover of tenure and security... and charge across the perilous fields of change and opportunity.  If they succeed, their profits will not come from what they take from their fellow citizens, but from the value they freely place on the gift of their imagination." - George Gilder

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding out own place in the world, we all know when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends." - Anonymous 

Tip 46 is on What is the Meaning of Loyalty?  Do you consider yourself a loyal person? Webster's New World College Dictionary defines Loyalty as "quality, state, or instance of being loyal; faithfulness or faithful adherence to a person, government, cause, duty etc.," I consider myself a very loyal person.  I am loyal to my family, my friends and my clients.  I can keep a confidence and listen patiently when someone else needs to speak, rant or even rave.  I can take great pleasure in others accomplishments and wish them well without envy. I am someone who can be counted on to do what I say and say what I do.  I don't keep secrets and I don't play games.  One thing is certain, loyalty is a very important attribute when looking to develop strong relationships with others.  Elton John said it best,"And I'm afraid, in this day and age, trust, which I count on so, you know, I love loyalty.  I love trust."

Recently, my dear friend Kellie left a message on my voicemail saying, "You have turned out to be one of the most loyal friends I have ever had."  It made me feel so appreciated and trusted with something as special as a friendship.  My loyalty with friends starts with understanding other peoples strengths and their weaknesses.  No one is perfect and I would rather accept people for who they are and for who they are not so I am not constantly disappointed.  I want my friends to be successful and whenever I can offer a testimonial or a referral I am quick to do so.  To have loyal friends you must first be a loyal friend.  I have spoken of my close friends in many other quotes and the are my loyal friends because I am loyal to them.  Jonathan Brown said, "Call it loyalty, call it what you want, but I suppose I've got people up here who I'm really tight with, we've made a lot of great bonds over the last few years and I've got people in my corner I can trust."

In my new position with Ellis, Ged & Bodden I am developing new relationships and creating new alliances.  My loyalty to my clients starts with professionalism and excellent customer service.  I like to go the extra mile and see who I can network together and who I can send referrals to.  I am of the firm belief that the more I can give the more I will get.  I am committed to the success of my clients and feel certain that the more successful they become the more successful I will become.  I am also very loyal to the firm.  I feel grateful for the opportunity and everyday I enjoy what I am doing.  Michael Jordan said it best, "The game is my life, it demands loyalty and responsibility, and it gives me back fulfillment and peace."

When it comes to family loyalty is a must.  You have heard it before, but I will say it again,"You can choose your friends, but not your family." I was brought up in a family that always forgave and forgot. There were never family rifts that kept us apart even though there were some heated debates over the years.  I also came from a blended family so I learned that the word "step" was not acceptable.  It was only natural to love my step children as if they were my own.  Now that I am getting divorced I have assured them all I am not divorcing them.  In fact, 2 of them still live here at home with me even though their father moved out months ago.  This year is my first Thanksgiving as a single mom and I have my son this year.  My brother really wanted me to fly up to New Jersey, but the flight was too expensive and I had to say no.  Two days ago he called me with his wife on the line to tell me they would like to offer to pay for my son's ticket if that would help.  Well I am on my way to NJ for Thanksgiving after the most generous gift from my family.  Talk about loyalty!!!  They reminded me of a time when they were first married and I flew them both down for a long get away weekend.  Now years later they are able to help me out financially when I need it the most.  Woodrow Wilson once said, "Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice."  And for sure what goes around comes around.

I can't end this quote without talking a little about marriage and the loyalty between spouses. I am not sure what has happened to society, but I think divorce has become too easy an option for couples who are going through hard times.  The saying, "When times get tough, the tough get going" does not mean packing up your things and moving out. Marriage has become disposable without even an effort at trying to make things work. What happened to, "Until death do us part"?  Even though my marriage is over I would have made every effort to repair the damage and make the marriage work for the sake of the children, for the sake of the future, for the sake of the dreams we once shared that will no longer become a reality.  Divorce is not fun or easy even though it is sometimes necessary. Napoleon Hill once said, "Lack of loyalty is one of the major causes of failure in every walk of life." I encourage all of you out there who are on the brink of divorce to not give up too quickly.  Make sure that you try your hardest before giving up.

“If we are together nothing is impossible.  If we are divided all will fail."
 - Winston Churchill

Tip 40 is on Partnership At Its Finest.  The best partnerships are like marriage and the best marriages are like a strong partnership.  Finding the right partner is business or marriage is not easy, but when the connection is right anything is possible.  When looking for the right partner it is important especially in business to look for those who are strong where you are weak.  Great partners know how to leverage the strengths of their partnership for maximum results.  Great partners appreciate one another, rely on each other and help to motivate the other.

There are all kinds of partnerships.  Aristotle once said, "Friendship is essentially a partnership."  Think about the friends you have; some of them are funny and some of them are resourceful.  There are friends that will help you move and friends that you can call at 3:00 am.  There are friends for all occasions and we learn to love our friends for who they are and for who they are not.  Partnerships operate in the same way.  Not everyone can be like you, act like you or do something the way you would do it.  So we learn to tolerate each other, to have empathy for one another and to accept each others weaknesses.

I have a partnership with my children.  Although I am the leader of the pack so to speak, I have created a partnership with them.  I try not to dictate or control them because I want them to make their own decisions and learn from their own successes and failures.  I can't do it for them - there is no short cut to growing up.  I believe in the 3 R's of raising children. Create the Rules for the partnership, Reward your children for following the Rules and create Ramifications in they don't.  Just like in a partnership there is always a partnership agreement.  Joyce Maynard has said, "It's not only children who grow.  Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we can with ours.  I can't tell my children to reach for the sun.  All I can do is reach for it myself."  So with children as with partners we must set a good example and walk our talk.

Of course there are the formal business partners.  This could either be the best partnership in the world or the worst.  I have seen marriages end and friendships combust when they go into business together.  One of the best partnerships in business I can think of is Bill Gates and Paul Allen.  Together they built the largest computer company in the world.  They were able to work together in a cohesive way that promoted each of their strengths to make Microsoft a huge success.  They were also able to create partnerships with IBM which really catapulted them to a new level.  Bill Gates himself has been quoted as saying, "Our success has really been based on partnerships from the very beginning." Their success was based on mutual respect and appreciation of the other.  You have heard me say before, "No one who reaches the top got their by themselves."  We all needs partnerships, alliances and joint efforts to help us make our dreams a reality.

Last but definitely not least is the marriage partnership.  This is a partnership intended to last a lifetime.  Spending a lifetime with one other person will take much hard work and persistence.  One of my favorite marriage quotes by Barbara De Angelis is, "Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb.  It isn't something you get.  It's something you do.  It's the way you love your partner every day."  Successful marriages like any partnership thrive on appreciation, mutual respect, good communication and trust. (For any of you local here in sunny South Florida, my friend Tim Kellis is offering a FREE marriage workshop - see information listed below).

“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.  Thoughts are things!  And powerful things at that, when mixed with definiteness of purpose, and burning desire, can be translated into riches."  - Napoleon Hill 

Tip 37 is on Thinking Outside The Box.  This concept comes easier to some than it does to others.  Thinking outside the box often requires creativity and is much more powerful when done in a mastermind format with several other professionals all there to help contribute and ask pertinent questions.  This quote by Brian Tracy says it nicely, "A major stimulant to creative thinking is focused questions.  There is something about a well-worded question that often penetrates to the heart of the matter and triggers new ideas and insights."  I have always found that a good martini opens up my creative mind (lol).   

In my new position with Ellis, Ged & Bodden, P.A. I am in completely new territory.  In the past I was only soliciting realtors and mortgage brokers for title work.  While I am always still interested in title work, now the firm I work for handles not only Real Estate, but Personal Injury, PIP Claims, Estate Planning, Asset Protection and Immigration as well.  Everywhere I go have so many more opportunities to network and meet new people.  I am enjoying working with the medical profession and see endless possibilities for working and networking together.  Vince Lombardi once said, "We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible." Having confidence and being able to adapt to new situations is part of having the ability to think outside the box.  How can I get a stream of referrals going back and forth between all of my contacts.  I am certain with a little outside the box thinking, asking the opinions of others and brainstorming with my Tuesday morning Guerrilla Goal Getting group doors will begin to open and the sun will shine.

Often times we need to think outside the box when dealing with other people.  I think our siblings set up their own boundaries and we must learn to tread softly.  Sometimes it is our children that we must learn how to think outside the box to communicate with them.  Of course, what works for one child may not always work on the second child.  I have identical twin stepsons whom  I raised since they were 9 years old and they are as different as two people could be.  How I deal with one is not how I deal with the other.  Dealing with your adult children (my twins are now 21) can bring it's own trials and tribulations.  Not every child will follow the traditional path.  I didn't - I went to college at 26 part time for 8 years until finally the day came when I graduated.  I went to law school at 34 and started practicing when I was 37.  I love this quote from Edward de Bono, "Traditional thinking is all about "what is" Future thinking will also need to be about what can be."  

The possibilities are endless for each and everyone of us if we could just dream the impossible dream.  Think like Donald Trump, "I like thinking big.  If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big."  Every single big project always breaks down into many small projects.  Take one issue at a time, thinking outside the box, the issue will be resolved and on to the next issue.  Before you know it your project has been completed and your dreams have come true.  Congrats!!  

"If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them.  Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever." - The Crow (1994)

“Unless your heart, your soul and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless.  Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness." - Anonymous

Tip 29 is on Thou Shalt Not Tell A Lie.   Honesty is one of the most important personality attributes one person can possess.  I decided long ago that it was much easier to tell the truth than to tell a lie.  My mom used to always say, "Tammy, it takes a lifetime to build an excellent reputation and 15 seconds to destroy it."  Think about that statement for just one minute.  How many times have you been put in an awkward position and forced to either say a truth that could be harmful to someone else or tell a lie.  It is so much easier to tell the truth as a rule in life so that you don't have to remember who it is you lied to and about what it is that you lied about.  Mark Twain once said, "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."

Some of us justify lying because sometimes it's just easier to tell a small white lie than hurt someone's feelings.  There is an old Yiddish proverb that says, "A half truth is a whole lie."  So even when we are trying to spare someone's feelings isn't it better to tell the truth than even a small white lie?  So your good friend asks you if you like their new haircut and you say yes to spare that person's feelings.  Wouldn't it be just as easy to say, "I've seen you look better," or "I liked your last haircut a lot better." Albert Einstein once said,"Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters."  I think as a rule of thumb telling the truth is always best.

Sometimes we lie to cover up our mistakes or failures.  My grandmother used to always say,"People lie when they are ashamed of their own behavior."  It makes perfect sense to think that if you were proud of your behavior you would have no reason to lie.  Once you become known as someone who lies it is very hard to get others to trust what you say.  My daughter has had a huge problem with telling the truth.  It is not that she is a dishonest person it is just that she is a people pleaser and is always trying to please everyone else instead of being true to herself.  We see this a lot in young adults who find peer pressure too hard to handle.  Often young adults go along with the crowd to fit in, doing things they might not agree with, but wanting to be liked.  These are the first opportunities in life to be true to yourself and your own beliefs.  It is not easy to trust what my daughter says, but she is working on being honest with herself and with others.

Many of us out there embellish our stories and create a facade that we want others to believe.  Usually, others can see right through these facades and that person becomes known as a phony.  People roll their eyes when these people talk because everything they share seems too good to be true.  No one in the world is doing great all of the time.  People who live their lives trying to impress others all of the time usually start to believe their own lies.  Austin O'Malley once said, "Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color blind."

I have lived my life true to myself and true to the world.  My adult children who have known me for 11 years will all attest that they have never ever heard me tell a lie.  That is something I am very proud of.  My younger son Brandon, I try to teach him that when he lies, even if I don't catch him in a lie God always knows when he lies.  Michael Levy summed it up nicely, "You can bend it..., You can twist it...But even God cannot change the truth." Think about all of this as you measure what is your own moral compass. Who do you want to be in this world?  How is it that you want to show up?