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Thank you Tammy for sharing the secrets of your success in business and relationship building. You have truly inspired me to take my business to the next level!

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Peaks and Valleys

Tammy Saltzman - Wednesday, May 18, 2011

"Peaks and Valleys are not just the good and bad times that happen to you. They are also how you feel inside and respond to outside events.” - Spencer Johnson

Tip 65 is on Peaks and Valleys. Today we are going to focus on the valleys. How do you handle the down times in your life. Do you relish the down time or resist? Do you "settle" because you are afraid of holding out? This past month I have really been challenged in the valley of my life and I am so proud to share with all of you that I have not lost my sense of humor, I am staying focused on all that I have and all that I am grateful for, and I have complete faith that the best is yet to come. It has not been easy to keep a smile on my face of late, but I am determined to do so.

This past month I have been dealing with the end of my marriage (an offer is now on the table). As happy as I am that I am getting divorced it is very sad to think that the marriage failed. I don't do failure well, but we can learn from our mistakes and move on. I could really express anger and even hatred towards my ex, but I don't. Instead I wish for him that he finds his own happiness. We all deserve to live in the peaks of life so why not wish others well. Why stoop to their level? Why be angry? Who does it serve? What purpose does it serve? I much prefer to rise to the top, to be above all of the anger and resentment.

I also ended my new relationship with Adam. As disappointed as I am, I feel so proud that I nipped things in the bud before they got out of hand. As soon as things no longer felt good, I was able to walk away without looking back and say good bye. Good bye to behavior I no longer am willing to tolerate. Good bye to condesending, disrespective, angry men. Good bye to men who don't think their behavior is rude. I wonder how they would feel if their daughters met men who spoke to them that way. Would they be rude? I am so looking for a man who is not angry, has nothing to prove, and knows how to treat a lady with respect and appreciation.

My web host has been having some issues that prevented me from sending out my Tip over the last few weeks. I have missed you all terribly and many of you have been worried about me. I am still here - no worries..., We have both had some time to research other options and work on the issues that exist - I am hoping that we have worked things out and we are starting over fresh and new. Loyalty is such a great trait. I could be loyal to a fault, but loyal I am nevertheless. When it is you that I am loyal to, you could bet your money on it. So did I freak out the last few weeks when my Tip could not go out? No, instead I used the down time to work on other things. Other things that can produce income, other things that could provide resources, other things that could provide fun.

This past weekend I got to spend time with my very loving and supportive family in New York. When I go home to visit it is like I never left. When you are with family it makes no difference whether you are in the valley or on the peak, they love you just the same. While I walk through the valley of my life right now they are there to offer support and guidance. They offer their advice and their opinions. My brothers are there for me through thick and thin. My aunt went out of her way to pick us up at the airport and she found a bed for me to sleep in. Joanie helped me identify what my "ideal" man would look like - thanks - that was a fun exercise and bonding time. Andy and his lovely new bride gave me faith in internet dating. LOL Watching my son bond with his cousins and create life long lasting memories made me feel way on top of the peak of life. I did good - I see it in my son's smile.

Not to many quotes this week. So good to catch up with you all today. I am home nursing bronchitis and laying low. Counting my blessings and feeling grateful for all that I have in my life and especially my family and my loyal readers. I love you all...,

"The path out of the valley appears when you choose to see things differently.” - Spencer Johnson

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Patience

Tammy Saltzman - Wednesday, March 02, 2011

“Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement, and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook which eventually leads to success." - Brian Adams

Tip 60 is on Patience. I have heard it said many times that we often teach what we need to learn the most. Going back to a Tip from last year called Patience is a Virtue I realized that I claimed to be a patient person. That claim might not really be totally true and it is time for me to come clean. The proverb, "Patience is a virtue", is one that I aspire to master in all areas of my life. I also notice that there are some things that I am more patient with than others. I was patient when going to school to earn first my bachelor's degree and then my law degree. I was patient when building my home and carefully selecting all of the furnishings. Yet, as I participate in these areas of my life, the day to day management style is one of I want what I want and I know what I want and when I want it I want it now or yesterday if at all possible. So St. Francis de Sales said it right when he said, "Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself."

So when I was in college I knew exactly what classes I wanted to take and what time I needed to take those classes. I did not dilly dally and was never a big fan of dropping or switching classes. I was focused and assured and moved full steam ahead with the decisions I made and the direction I was headed. I never changed my major and everything from the LSAT to the Bar exam was timed in perfect harmony toward the end goal. Undergrad took 7 years part time while I worked full time and law school was another 3 years, so many would say that I did exhibit patience. Barbara Johnson really explains it well, "Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears." If I could I would have finished college in 3 years instead of 7, but I did what I could and patiently waited for the credits to add up so I could graduate. I really lose patience when others around me are not as focused. Both my stepsons took a semester off from college in 2010 to "figure things out" and are now on their own 6 year college plan and not sure of what they want to do with their lives so they are majoring in business. Our children always try our patience.

When I decorated my house I never took my mom or a friend for a second opinion. I knew what I liked and what I didn't like. Sometimes I would take something home to select a fabric or carpet and just to make sure the colors worked, but I was decisive and matter of fact. My home is beautiful and as I look around I have a real sense of pride. Not everyone is like that though. Some people we all know can never make a decision. They hem and they haw and they ask everyone and their brother what they think before they ever make a decision. I have no patience for people like that. I am the same way with shoes and clothes. I either like it or I don't. There is a Chinese Proverb that says, "All good things come to those who wait." Wait for what though and why do we have to wait for all good things? Why can't we have all good things now!!! The late George Jackson once said, "Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice."

In business we need to practice patience every single day. Patience with our partners, our bosses and our employees. Our coworkers are always trying our patience and let's face it we spend more time with them than we do with our own families. You have heard me say so many times that the client/customer is always right and boy do you need to have a lot of patience when it comes to making sure the customer is always happy. I like this quote by Lord Chesterfield, "Patience is a most necessary qualification for business; many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request." I so believe this to be true. I have found that when a client has been unhappy in the past if I take the time to really listen and hear their point of view it is enough to calm the waters down once again. I think that Sir Isaac Newton probably said it best, "If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent." WOW I find that profound.

I am now learning that I have little patience for the dating game. I used to be quite good at it back in the day before I was married. Now my time is limited and my needs are very different. I love the institution of marriage and like having a partner in life. I have no patience for the games and they getting to know you stage - even though it is a lot of fun. Again, I know what I like and I know what I want and this is not a dress rehearsal. My grandma, Redmama, used to say, "Men are like buses another one comes by every few minutes." The problem is who has time to inspect bus after bus after bus. We all know that relationships aren't easy and in the end if it is meant to be it will be. So all I could do is relax, be patient and enjoy the ride. Here is another great quote, "The secret of patience is doing something else in the meanwhile." That is all fine and good, but when you do meet someone that you really like you want it more and you want it now. Patience in areas of the heart is never easy.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. An the point is to live everything. Live the questions." - Rainer Maria Rilke

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Being Careful

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, February 01, 2011

“Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nuture your dreams." - Lao Tzu

Tip 56 is on Being Careful. Are you someone who tends to be careful and cautious or are you someone that jumps in with both feet and throws caution to the wind? There is a good arguement for both perspectives. Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word careful as follows, "acting or working in a thoughtful, painstaking way; cautious, wary, or guarded." And the word carefree as, "free from troubles or worry." I do believe that there is a time to be careful and a time to be carefree. Feeling carefree is a gift that we should all enjoy whenever we can and it is usually a reward that we get from being careful. Ben Franklin once said, "Distrust and caution are the parents of security." It is only when we feels most secure that we can throw caution to the wind and enjoy a carefree moment.

As a lawyer it is really my job to look for all the things that can go wrong. It is our job as attorneys to let our clients know what is their worst case scenario. We are trained to look at the upside and weight it against the downside. It is our job to make sure that the client knows the worst possible outcome of each decision they make so that they can make an educated decision. I try hard not to be this pessimistic in my real world, but when a client pays you to play the devils advocate it is our ethical responsibility to perform. Ralph Waldo Emerson will remind us, "A man is usually more careful of his money that he is of his principles."

In business we are always cautious. Buying businesses, taking in partners, hiring employees, and securing vendors. It's a risky business out there and checking out the reputation of the people we do business with makes perfect sense. With today's technology everyone's information is just a click away on Google. The Better Business Buereau and Daily Business Review have all their records available on line. Court records and deeds are all public documents that are now available on line at most court houses throughout the United States. When is comes to financial matters we need to be as careful as possible. Not only do we consult our lawyers, but we now consult our CPA's, financial planners, and our estate planners. Unfortunately, no matter how careful we are are many of life's lessons end up costing us money. Do your best to try and learn the expensive lessons from the mistakes of others. Remember this by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Every step of life shows much caution is required." I think that is another way of saying the older we get the more jaded we become.

As a parent I am always cautioning my children to be careful. We start when they are very young. Don't touch the stove, look both ways when you cross. Be careful!! We are worried for our children and don't want them to get hurt. Even as adults our parents are worried and still tell us to be careful. Adam's mom Joan just told him to be careful when he told her all about me this past week. I have heard the same advice as well from my well meaning friends and family. Joan doesn't know me and my friends don't know Adam, but everyone says the same thing, "We are so happy for you. Go slow, be careful." When it comes to matters of the heart it is so much harder to be careful. The excitement and the hope take over and just sweep you off your feet. Aren't we all looking for ever lasting love?? Bertrand Russell once said, "Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness." Yet e.e.cummings reminds us, "Be of love a little more careful than of anything." I would like to think that what he meant was that once you find love be careful with it, preserve it and cherish it so that you don't lose it. Sorry Joan, it's too late - if it doesn't work out it will probably hurt, but if it does work out - G-d bless and thank you Lisa.

“It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution." - Alvin Toffler

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Appreciation

Tammy Saltzman - Monday, January 31, 2011

“None of us got where we are solely by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. We got here because somebody - a parent, a teacher, an Ivy League crony or a few nuns - bent down and helped us pick up our boots."- Thurgood Marshall

Tip 54 is on Appreciation. Specifically appreciation of other people in your life that really made a difference. Many people come and go into our lives everyday, but every now and then we are moved by the acts of others. Look back and see who is it that really impacted your life in one way or the other. The impact could even be bad, but what we actually learned was good. Have we said "thank you" to the people that have made some lasting impression? I started thinking about this as I prepared for the International Speech Contest tomorrow at Toastmasters. I am doing my speech about my dad and all the lessons that I have learned from him and how much I appreciate all that I learned. I can't call my dad to say thank you, but I can honor his memory by keeping his name (Saltzman) and using all that I learned from him for good. I love this quote by John F. Kennedy, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

As I started to think about all my appreciation I have for my dad, I started realizing that in the last few days I have been very appreciative. My dear friend Monty invited me to one of his infamous wine dinners. The food and wine was delicious, the company delightful, and a good time was had by all. Another dear friend Lisa set me up on a blind date Saturday night. The date happened to be one of the best blind dates I ever had, but regardless, I was so appreciative that she thought of me and passed my number along. I tried to express my appreciation by sending Monty an email the next morning and texting Lisa some of the details from my Saturday night date. Remember, Mark Kay Ash once said, "Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don't keep it a secret." As far as love is concerned, Alexander Smith reminds us, "Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition." Hence, the great date with Adam.

You are always hearing me talk about how much I love my job and the firm that I work for, Ellis, Ged & Bodden, P.A. Yes, I am constantly appreciating my working situation, but it means nothing if I don't communicate it to the people I work for and the people I work with. I am always telling my boss how much I love my job and how much fun I have every single day. I truly believe this quote by William James, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." And if there is ever a time that you don't appreciate your job, please remember this quote by Oscar Wilde, "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." And if you are a business owner that happens to have great employees, remember they too want to be appreciated. Sam Walton, founder of Walmart, really said it best, "Appreciate everything your associates do for the business. Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well timed, sincere words of praise. They're absolutely free and worth a fortune."

So, as I was sitting here writing my Tip my son's tutor came in to provide me with the weekly progress report for Brandon. Greg Yodowitz, like most teachers is under paid and under appreciated. Teachers are responsible for our children's futures. Teachers never get enough appreciation. Mr. Yodowitz, we love you, thanks for making a difference in Brandon's education. Dan Rather said it best, "The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometime poking you with a sharp stick called truth." So really, please act immediately to this anonymous quote, "If you can read this, go thank a teacher." If you live in the Boca Raton area and are looking for a good tutor see Mr. Yodowitz's contact information below.

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." Fredierick Keonig

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Happy Happy Joy Joy

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, December 28, 2010

“Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering invovled, not in the victory itself." - Mahatma Gandi

Tip 52 is on Happy Happy Joy Joy!!! Tis the season to be joyful and what a great quote to start this tip with. This is the time of year we are usually setting our new goals for the next year and making resolutions. I recommend that you all take some time to look back over the past year and look for the Happy Happy Joy Joy that you all experienced. Look at all of your accomplishments, all the new connections you made and friendships that you formed. Look at all the things that others did for you this year and all the things that you did for others. WOW - what a year it has been. Please pat yourself right now on the back, yes right now, and feel the joy from accomplishing all that you accomplished. I love this anonymous quote, "Joy springs from within; no one makes you joyous; you choose joyfulness."

When I look back at the last year I can honestly say that things did not really turn out for me as I had expected. Never in a million years did I think I would be getting divorced. I can sit at home and cry over all the lost dreams and sulk about how lonely I am without someone to kiss on New Years. But there is no joy in that!! Marianne Williamson, whom I love, once said, "Joy is what happens when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things are. Joy is not necessarily what happens when things unfold according to our plans." How true that is, we are busy making plans and they don't always work out exactly as we planned. So instead of focusing on how my marriage did not work out, I would rather focus on the good. Spending last year at home with my soon to be ex was horrible. We were invited to my friend Lisa's and at the last minute my ex threw a fit and didn't want to go. Not wanting to leave him alone, I stayed home too. He went to bed mad, I was sad and lonely, and the rest is history. I am certain, no matter what, that this year will be better than that. Not one part of me wishes that I could go back to that. I would rather celebrate that this year it is so much better to be alone than with someone that you can't stand.

I also want to celebrate my new job with Ellis, Ged & Bodden. How great is it to create your dream job? Wow - I work with great people, the firm has a great reputation, my providers are wonderful and I am having fun every single day. Phil Jackson said, "Winning is important to me, but what brings me real joy is the experience of being fully engaged in whatever I'm doing." Giving 110% is what it is all about. Doing a great job, going the extra mile, showing up fully engaged and having fun. Remember this anonymous quote, "Enjoy life, This is not a dress rehearsal." If you don't love what you do every day make it your mission for next year to find a job that makes you happy. Life is way too short to be miserable every day. This is also a great time of year to thank others for their service. Saying thank you in any way is better than not saying thank you at all. It does not take big bonuses or large presents to let someone know that you appreciate all they do. I decided to get chocolates for the support staff that helps me most at the office. Starbucks cards for my stylist, manicurist and postman. The smile on their faces was worth the small amount of money I spent and boy did it make me feel good to say thank you. Remember this important quote by Robert Murray McCheyne, "Joy is increased by spreading it to others." And this quote by Neal Donald Walch, "Release the joy inside of another, and you release the joy that is inside you."

Be careful not to be jealous of others. Bask in the happiness of others. Everyone is entitled to a little happiness, even though you yourself may not be at the happiest time of your life. I am so happy for my friends who have someone special to share this holiday season with and I am sure that they too would be happy for me if the shoe was on the other foot. This is a great quote from Robert A. Heinlein, "One of the sanest, surest, and most generous joys of life comes from being happy over the good fortune of others." This is not an easy task, but it is the most selfless of things one can aspire to be. I just love this quote from Maya Angelou, "When you wish someone joy, you wish them peace, love, prosperity... all good things." Go out there and share your joy. Wish the friends and family in your life good things. Share in their happiness and bask in their rays of joy. There is enough joy to go around in the world. Remember this quote always by Henry Ward Beecher, "The sun does not shine for a few trees and flowers, but for the wide world's joy."

I want to wish all of you out there, my very loyal readers, a very happy and healthy new year. As always I wish for you all that you wish for and I am always here to help you along your path to finding your true dreams and aspirations and helping you to achieve them. Live your truth and let others live their truths. Say thank you to those you love and appreciate. Thank you to all my loyal readers for reading my weekly tips, sending me your feedback, and for sending me so many numerous offers for writing, speaking and entertaining. I am looking forward to much success in the new year for all of us.

“What I know for sure is that you feel real JOY in direct proportion to how connected you are to living your truth." - Oprah Winfrey

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Living In The Muck

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, October 05, 2010

“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we attain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly; it is adversity that gives everything its value."
- Thomas Payne

Tip 42 is on Living In The Muck. Living in the muck is never easy. When I am in the muck of it I just want to stay in bed and never leave. Sometimes I wish I could stick my head in the sand and pretend it will all go away. Stuff happens all the time that I just don't want to deal with. Can't someone swoop down and save me from all this muck!!! After a day or two of that even I am sick of myself. It's okay to have a "pity party" but that can only last for a short time. No one is going to come down and save me. It's up to us to pick ourselves up, wipe ourselves off and move on. It's up to us to get over it and get on with it. There is no use feeling sorry for yourself, I think it's a complete waste of energy. So what do you do?

Albert Einstein once said, "In the middle of every difficulty comes opportunity."Another way of saying, "When one door closes another opens." We may not always see the opportunity right away. It may take time for us to learn the lessons we need to learn from each and every experience. The lesson will eventually show itself, the opportunity will be there waiting. So the first thing that we can do when we enter difficult times is to ask ourselves, "What is the lesson I need to learn from this?" If we don't learn the lesson then chances are it could happen again. It's okay to ask others what they think the lesson is. You would be amazed at the wealth of information other people can offer.

There is no one that I know who has a perfect life free from Peaks and Valleys! We all experience setbacks and disappointments. It's how we handle the down times that really sets us apart from all the rest. Remember the saying, "The cream always rises to the top." Truly strong people always survive and learn from their mistakes and come out better for it. It's up to each one of us to be in control of our own destiny. Spencer Johnson, MD, wrote a great book called Peaks and Valleys, Making Good and Bad Times Work For You - At Work and In Your Life. This is a great read and a charming story. One of the things the books says is, "Peaks and Valleys are not just the good and the bad times that happen to you. They are also how you feel inside and respond to outside events."So we must try to make the most of our down times too. Even Neil Young said, "As you go through life, you've got to see the valleys as well as the peaks."

When we are in these down times it is the time for reflection and introspection. Maybe we need the down times to learn the lessons so that we can come back stronger the next time. Maybe we need the downtimes so that we can really appreciate the good times. You all know how much I promote the gratitude list. Whenever I am feeling in the muck of it I always try to remember all the things that I am so very grateful for. Once I start feeling grateful that feeling of "poor me" seems to disappear. Looking at those who are less fortunate really helps to put things in perspective. Henry Ford once said, "Failure is an opportunity to begin again more intelligently."

Let's remember no matter what, that every single person who ever made it to the top of a peak had spent many a day in the valley. We need the valleys to help us get to our peaks in life. When we learn from our mistakes the future is brighter and safer. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." So when you experience your next dark time and you feel like you are drowning in the muck look out and see if you can see the stars. If there weren't any valleys there would be no peaks. Remember this on your journey as you try to reach out for the peaks in your own life.

“Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory."
- George S. Patton

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Patience Is A Virtue

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, September 28, 2010

“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience." - Anonymous

Tip 41 is on Patience Is A Virtue. I consider myself a patient person most of the time. My children often test my patience as does stupidity. Webster's New World College Dictionary defines Patience as, "the state, quality or fact of being patient; the will or ability to wait or endure without complaint; steadiness, endurance or perseverance in the performance of a task." In life there are many obstacles that test our patience. Last Friday was the day of tests for me.

The day started off having to pick up my son early from school so that we could head to the airport for a weekend wedding in NY. When I got to the school and the office called his class they were in the middle of a test. Please wait 15 minutes until the test is finished. Ben Franklin once said, "He that can have patience, can have what he will."  Then I headed off to pick up copies that needed to be delivered in Fort Lauderdale. Since I was heading to the Fort Lauderdale airport I thought kill two birds with one stone and save myself a trip on Monday. Well, the copies weren't ready and there was no time to waste. As I headed South on I95 the sky opened up and the rain began. Not just rain though, torrential downpours. Everyone slowed to a snails pace and minute by minute we made our way to the airport. As we arrived, we were rushed to board quickly before the storm reached the airport. The pilot was trying to avoid an additional delay until the storm passed over. As we arrived in the NY area we started circling and circling only to be told that we were not able to land because all the VIP delegates from the United Nation summit were gearing up to leave on their private jets and JFK was now closed until further notice. Off to Hartford, CT to refuel and sit andwait. Our plane was 3 hours late arriving at JFK. I had just spent 6 1/2 hours in closed quarters with my 9 year old son who was hungry, cranky and tired. I did try to make the best of it. My poor brother was waiting at the airport for my arrival. Several passengers missed connecting flights. We make plans and G-d laughs. As Alexandre Dumas Pere once said,"All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope."

I have often had my patience tested on the road. Here in Florida we have numerous elderly who can barely see over the steering wheel. I have observed that men seem to have less patience than women when it comes to driving. Mac McClearly said, "Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead."  Think about that for a moment and it really is quite funny and so true. I am always saying to myself, move over and let me pass. It will take a lot though for me to lose my cool. I often say, "Patience is ability to count down from ten before you blast off."

When I feel that feeling come over me I try to take a few deep breaths. Saint Augustine has said, "Patience is the companion of wisdom."  I consider myself wise so I try to focus on things I am grateful for which brings me into another space. An example would be that my son and I were on an adventure. I was grateful I had gotten him McDonald's on the way to the airport. I was grateful we had an extra seat between us. I was grateful that the DSD, PSP and I-Touch were all fully charged. And finally, I was grateful that NY was my final destination and I wasn't missing a connecting flight. When I focused on all that I was grateful for I was able to breath a little easier and be more playful with my son. I was very happy when we finally got off that plane. We are always tested in life and it is how we react to certain situations that really determine who we are as human beings. It's easy to be patient when everything is going your way. Your true character comes out though when things run amuck.

So how will you react next time your patience is tested? How will you show up? Remember that Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy once said, "The two most powerful warriors are patience and time." How will you react the next time your kids ask you one million questions relentlessly after a long day at the office? How will you react the next time you go into a restaurant and the waitress takes 20 minutes to come to your table? How will you react when someone cuts you off on the highway? Try to look at the positive side of things. Your kids are so brilliant for asking so many questions. Rejoice in their curiosity!! Perhaps your waitress was washing her hands so that she would serve your food in a sanitary manner. The person who cuts you off is doing you a favor by helping you to avoid an accident that could have come your way had they not cut you off. Who knows if any of it is true, but it sure beats playing the victim. Getting angry and wondering why do these things always happen to you is a total waste of time. Maybe things keep happening to you so that you finally learn the lesson of patience. I will end with one of my favorite quotes of all time...,

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions." - Rainer Maria Rilke

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Partnership At Its Finest

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, September 21, 2010

“If we are together nothing is impossible. If we are divided all will fail."
- Winston Churchill

Tip 40 is on Partnership At Its Finest. The best partnerships are like marriage and the best marriages are like a strong partnership. Finding the right partner is business or marriage is not easy, but when the connection is right anything is possible. When looking for the right partner it is important especially in business to look for those who are strong where you are weak. Great partners know how to leverage the strengths of their partnership for maximum results. Great partners appreciate one another, rely on each other and help to motivate the other.

There are all kinds of partnerships. Aristotle once said, "Friendship is essentially a partnership."  Think about the friends you have; some of them are funny and some of them are resourceful. There are friends that will help you move and friends that you can call at 3:00 am. There are friends for all occasions and we learn to love our friends for who they are and for who they are not. Partnerships operate in the same way. Not everyone can be like you, act like you or do something the way you would do it. So we learn to tolerate each other, to have empathy for one another and to accept each others weaknesses.

I have a partnership with my children. Although I am the leader of the pack so to speak, I have created a partnership with them. I try not to dictate or control them because I want them to make their own decisions and learn from their own successes and failures. I can't do it for them - there is no short cut to growing up. I believe in the 3 R's of raising children. Create the Rules for the partnership, Reward your children for following the Rules and create Ramifications in they don't. Just like in a partnership there is always a partnership agreement. Joyce Maynard has said, "It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we can with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it myself."  So with children as with partners we must set a good example and walk our talk.

Of course there are the formal business partners. This could either be the best partnership in the world or the worst. I have seen marriages end and friendships combust when they go into business together. One of the best partnerships in business I can think of is Bill Gates and Paul Allen. Together they built the largest computer company in the world. They were able to work together in a cohesive way that promoted each of their strengths to make Microsoft a huge success. They were also able to create partnerships with IBM which really catapulted them to a new level. Bill Gates himself has been quoted as saying, "Our success has really been based on partnerships from the very beginning." Their success was based on mutual respect and appreciation of the other. You have heard me say before, "No one who reaches the top got their by themselves."  We all needs partnerships, alliances and joint efforts to help us make our dreams a reality.

Last but definitely not least is the marriage partnership. This is a partnership intended to last a lifetime. Spending a lifetime with one other person will take much hard work and persistence. One of my favorite marriage quotes by Barbara De Angelis is, "Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day."  Successful marriages like any partnership thrive on appreciation, mutual respect, good communication and trust. (For any of you local here in sunny South Florida, my friend Tim Kellis is offering a FREE marriage workshop - see information listed below).

“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership." - Ann Landers

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Forgiveness

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, September 14, 2010

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free." - Catherine Ponder

Tip 39 is on Forgiveness. Forgiveness is a very difficult subject. When we are hurt it is sometimes so very hard to forgive. Yet, most people will tell you that forgiveness sets you free. How do you forgive? How do you forgive and forget? I have found a place within myself to achieve forgiveness, but there is no way that I can forget. My Aunt Joan used to always say, "You hurt me once shame on you, you hurt me twice shame on me." I think that although I have found the ability to forgive and I never been able to forget. John F. Kennedy once said, "Forgive your enemies, but don't forget their names."

We learn forgiveness from our parents. We would inevitably do something wrong and even though there was a consequence to our actions our parents still loved us unconditionally (or I hope at least that was your experience). I see that I have learned the lesson well because I unconditionally love my children. I may not always like their choices or agree with there decisions, but I do love them no matter what. Actually, forgiving my parents after years of holding onto old resentments really was the culmination and highlight of all my inner work thus far. Coming to the realization that my parents did the best they could and loved me as much as they were possibly capable of loving allowed me to remove a huge burden I had been carrying around for years. Forgiving my parents allowed for me to start having healthier relationships. Paul Boese once said, "Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."

We have all had experiences where someone has done us wrong, stabbed us in the back, betrayed a confidence or was not there for us when we needed them. In a spiritual sense I always try to remember that our hand always faces in and that most people are always looking out for themselves. It is rare to meet someone who will ALWAYS put your needs in front of their own. So we get hurt, enraged and disappointed and then go on with our lives getting to be right about our feelings, justifying to others why we are no longer speaking to that person and quite often deep inside we miss them. Remember this quote by Mahatma Ghandi, "The weak never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." This is a great quote and one that I reflect on often. I do consider myself a strong person and therefore, I too can forgive.

Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation or acceptance. It does not mean that we want that person back in our lives again. It just means that we want to move on. We want to unburden the load we have been carrying around and let go of the anger that we feel. It is our choice to forgive and we don't necessarily even have to tell the other person that we are forgiving them. However, Oscar Wilde has said, "Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much." and Isaac Friedmann said, "Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge."

Either way I can personally attest to the fact that forgiveness can set you free. It can also be a game that you play. I believe, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." There have been many times that I have met people who needed some TLC or what I refer to as killing them with kindness. I am also firm believer in never ever stooping to someone else's level. I always want to come out on top with my integrity in check smelling like a rose. And when all else fails, take pity on your opponent.

“Forgiveness will not be possible until compassion is born in your heart." - Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master

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The Power of Nice

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, August 24, 2010

"If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever." - The Crow (1994)

Tip 36 is on The Power of Nice!! This Tip is written in memory of Dr. David Golinger, know that you touched the lives of many and you were truly loved. May you rest in peace and may the rest of us learn the lesson from the power of being nice. Dr. Dave was a nice guy. Person after person stood up today to talk about Dr. Dave - there wasn't a dry eye in the chapel and it was standing room only. I left there honored to have known him because he touched me too. Just last Monday I was in his office and he was quick to offer his help in my new position with Ellis, Ged & Bodden, P.A. and quick to show me the most beautiful pictures of his gorgeous family.

Dr. Dave's loyal office manager who worked with him day in and day out for 10 years talked of how every single morning he would start the day off by telling a joke. He always wanted to make them laugh. Not only his staff, but his patients too. He told his jokes over and over and over again. Each time like it was the first time and his patients always laughed. They all looked forward to seeing him again. They all sent their friends and family to see Dr. Dave because he was always smiling and always joking. Dr. Dave was above all such a nice guy!!

His best friend and old partner spoke with great respect of the man who only wanted to strike out on his own. He spoke with great respect of Dr. Dave's deepest desires to work hard and play hard. He always wanted to have fun and make sure everyone else around him was having fun too. He was always in a good mood and had endless energy. He was a nice guy and he will be missed. He thanked all the old friends who had flown in to pay their last respects to such a good friend. There were so many friends over the years who thought Dr. Dave was such a nice guy!!

His partner and the love of his life Kendra could barely talk. She was still in such shock. I met Dr. Dave through Kendra. She was in awe of the room and the amount of people that had turned out to pay their last respects. As she looked out over the sea of faces - some familiar and some not - she knew right then and there how very lucky she was to have shared her life with someone so special. He was one of a kind he was such a nice guy.The most important thing that Kendra said to us today was to make sure that you tell your partners, parents and your children how much you love them every single day. Make sure that you say good bye. Good bye dear friend, Dr. Dave. You have taught us "One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching." Anonymous

So what would it look like to be such a "nice guy" every single day? How much effort would it take? For me it would take waving to my neighbors in the wee hours of the morning as I walk my dogs and before my first cup of coffee (hmm). It would take getting out of the car at the bus stop to actually converse with the other parents (hmm). It would take saying a big friendly hello every morning to the girls at Dunkin Donuts and the list goes on. I am friendly most of the time, but there are some times that I could be friendlier. I am going to work on being nicer to everyone every single day. I am going to smile more and be more grateful of all that I do have every single day. I will tell my children how much I love them (I love you guys!!!) and I will always hold a special place in my heart for Dr. Dave who taught me the power of nice.

"Every man dies. Not every man really lives." - William Ross Wallace

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