Tammy Saltzman - Wednesday, March 02, 2011
“Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement, and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook which eventually leads to success." - Brian Adams
Tip 60 is on Patience. I have heard it said many times that we often teach what we need to learn the most. Going back to a Tip from last year called Patience is a Virtue I realized that I claimed to be a patient person. That claim might not really be totally true and it is time for me to come clean. The proverb, "Patience is a virtue", is one that I aspire to master in all areas of my life. I also notice that there are some things that I am more patient with than others. I was patient when going to school to earn first my bachelor's degree and then my law degree. I was patient when building my home and carefully selecting all of the furnishings. Yet, as I participate in these areas of my life, the day to day management style is one of I want what I want and I know what I want and when I want it I want it now or yesterday if at all possible. So St. Francis de Sales said it right when he said, "Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself."
So when I was in college I knew exactly what classes I wanted to take and what time I needed to take those classes. I did not dilly dally and was never a big fan of dropping or switching classes. I was focused and assured and moved full steam ahead with the decisions I made and the direction I was headed. I never changed my major and everything from the LSAT to the Bar exam was timed in perfect harmony toward the end goal. Undergrad took 7 years part time while I worked full time and law school was another 3 years, so many would say that I did exhibit patience. Barbara Johnson really explains it well, "Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears." If I could I would have finished college in 3 years instead of 7, but I did what I could and patiently waited for the credits to add up so I could graduate. I really lose patience when others around me are not as focused. Both my stepsons took a semester off from college in 2010 to "figure things out" and are now on their own 6 year college plan and not sure of what they want to do with their lives so they are majoring in business. Our children always try our patience.
When I decorated my house I never took my mom or a friend for a second opinion. I knew what I liked and what I didn't like. Sometimes I would take something home to select a fabric or carpet and just to make sure the colors worked, but I was decisive and matter of fact. My home is beautiful and as I look around I have a real sense of pride. Not everyone is like that though. Some people we all know can never make a decision. They hem and they haw and they ask everyone and their brother what they think before they ever make a decision. I have no patience for people like that. I am the same way with shoes and clothes. I either like it or I don't. There is a Chinese Proverb that says, "All good things come to those who wait." Wait for what though and why do we have to wait for all good things? Why can't we have all good things now!!! The late George Jackson once said, "Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice."
In business we need to practice patience every single day. Patience with our partners, our bosses and our employees. Our coworkers are always trying our patience and let's face it we spend more time with them than we do with our own families. You have heard me say so many times that the client/customer is always right and boy do you need to have a lot of patience when it comes to making sure the customer is always happy. I like this quote by Lord Chesterfield, "Patience is a most necessary qualification for business; many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request." I so believe this to be true. I have found that when a client has been unhappy in the past if I take the time to really listen and hear their point of view it is enough to calm the waters down once again. I think that Sir Isaac Newton probably said it best, "If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent." WOW I find that profound.
I am now learning that I have little patience for the dating game. I used to be quite good at it back in the day before I was married. Now my time is limited and my needs are very different. I love the institution of marriage and like having a partner in life. I have no patience for the games and they getting to know you stage - even though it is a lot of fun. Again, I know what I like and I know what I want and this is not a dress rehearsal. My grandma, Redmama, used to say, "Men are like buses another one comes by every few minutes." The problem is who has time to inspect bus after bus after bus. We all know that relationships aren't easy and in the end if it is meant to be it will be. So all I could do is relax, be patient and enjoy the ride. Here is another great quote, "The secret of patience is doing something else in the meanwhile." That is all fine and good, but when you do meet someone that you really like you want it more and you want it now. Patience in areas of the heart is never easy.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. An the point is to live everything. Live the questions." - Rainer Maria Rilke
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, February 08, 2011
“Your greatness is measured by your kindness; your education and intellect by your modesty; your ignorance is betrayed by your suspicions and prejudices, and your real caliber is measured by the consideration and tolerance you have for others." - William J. H. Boetcker
Tip 57 is on Consideration. The word consideration can be used in a multitude of ways. Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word consideration as follows: "the act of considering; careful thought or attention; deliberation; thoughful or sympathetic regard for others; something that is, or should be considered; a thought or opinion produced by consideration; regard, esteem, importance; a recompense, as for services rendered, fee, compensation; something of value given in exchange for something of value given or done by another, inducement for a contract." WOW!!! For purposes of this Tip we are going to focus on consideration of others - more specifically, thoughful or sympathetic regard for others.
So are you someone who is considerate of others? In order to be considerate of others we must be thoughtful of another or be able to sympathize with them. Didn't Confucius once say, "Do not judge me until you walk a mile in my shoes."? When I became a full time step mother and someone from the outside would criticize me, especially the in-laws, I would say, you try raising 3 children who don't belong to you and see how easy it is. People can easily cast stones or pass judgment without first being empathetic and considerate of the person they are judging. I am a firm believe in trying to really imagine what it would be like to be in that person's shoes - how would I react to their circumstances, how would I communicate and what would I say? Confucius also said, "Consideration for others is the basic of a good life, a good society."
Consideration is very important in business. Owners of companies always need to be considerate of their staff as well as considerate of their vendors. Let's also not forget how important it is to be considerate of the patrons that bring income to the business. I am sure if you are a business owner you have heard the saying, "The customer is always right." That sounds like red carpet consideration or said a different way, conderation at its finest. Even when we are faced with an unhappy client sometimes all it takes is a little consideration of the client's woes and they immediately feel appreciated. We all want to feel appreciated and when we are considerate of others they cannot help but feel appreciated. I have always found that instead of asking someone to do something for me it always sounded better asking someone for help to do something. When your staff see that you too are willing to pitch in and help they are much more likely to fully participate and embrace the team spirit. Margaret Chase Smith said,"Every human being is entitled to courtesy and consideration. Constructive criticism is not only to be expected but sought."
Sometimes we form strong opinions and stand strong in our positions. Consideration of others sometimes means hearing other peoples' opinions and trying them on, like a sweater, before completely dismissing their point of view. I am someone who is very strong in their opinions and I can often bump heads with someone who is also strong in their opposing position. We can argue till the cows fly over the moon and it doesn't mean that I am right and they are wrong. It also does not mean that I am wrong and they are right. All it means is that we have opposing views and we are each entitled to our own beliefs. We can agree to disagree. Better yet, how about agreeing to sleep on it for a day or too. Perhaps a little more research is needed. Perhaps speaking to a few other people can help to clarify some issues. I love this quote by Benjamin Franklin, "For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged, by better information or fuller consideration, to change opinions, even on important subjects, which I once though right but found to be otherwise." So even sometimes, we may change our minds after careful consideration. Wow - how awesome is that.
Consideration in family relationships is always important too. Remember this quote by Bryant H. McGill, "Courteousness is consideration for others; politeness is the method used to deliver such considerations." Children must have consideration for their parents and parents need to have consideration for their children. Most important is in marriages - it is so very important to have consideration for your spouse. Failing to have consideration could destroy any marriage. So children must be taught to respect their parents, tell the truth, and follow the rules of the household. Parents worry and regardless of how old you are you are still your mother's baby. So remember to call your mom when she is sitting home waiting for you. Just a small little effort can make a mom feel appreciated because you are being considerate. Same goes for parents and their children. Do not expose your children to things or people that are not good for them, tell your children the truth - they know when you are lying, be respective of their needs and wants so when your daughter invites you to the school dance know that it is really important to her. Consideration of a spouse is a must and I am sure that the happiest and longest marriages are built on mutual trust, respect and consideration.
When we go back and look at The Ten Commandments - they are basic human rules for a harmonious existence. Those commandments set out rules for everyone to follow so that the people of the world can co-exist together. These ten simple rules are so basic that every single person can follow them if they so desire. Just imagine...., everyone on earth following the ten commandments, everyone living in harmony, everyone being considerate of each other. I love this quote by Dwight D. Eisenhower, "Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace."
“A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference." - Winnie the Pooh
Tammy Saltzman - Monday, January 24, 2011
“We tell lies when we are afraid...afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger." _ Tad Williams
Tip 54 is on Honesty. My favorite, Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word honesty as, "the state or quality of being honest; a refraining from lying, cheating or stealing; a being truthful, trustworthy, or upright; sincereity, fairness, straightforwardness." Are you someone who always tells the truth? Or are you someone who tells white lies? Are you someone that justifies telling little white lies to save someone's feelings? Take a good long look at what others would say about you. Are you someone who can be trusted or not? That is a huge question!!! The answer means everything and says everything about your reputation out there in the real world. I am brutely honest to a fault. This proverb totally describes me, "If you truly want honesty, don't ask the questions you don't really want the answers to." Yes, sometimes the truth does hurt, but I would much rather cause a small hurt by telling the truth then causing a huge ongoing hurt because I lied.
This anonymous quote says it all, "Once a liar, always a liar." Once someone lies to you, how could you ever ever ever trust them again. Every single time they say anything to you after they are caught lying, you can't help but wonder if they are lying again. My mom used to always say, "It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation and 15 seconds to destroy it." It is in those 15 seconds that you decide to tell a lie instead of telling the truth. Most of the time when we lie it is because it is easier, or so we think, to tell the lie. So instead of saying, I'm tired tonight and not in the mood to go out to dinner - we say sorry my kid is sick. I am not sure why some of us think it is easier to lie because now days later when you speak with that friend you need to remember that you told them the kid was sick and the lying continues when they ask you how your kid is feeling. I love this Spencer Johnson quote, "Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people." Integrity also means not looking for loopholes to justify your lies.
Many years ago when I took the original EST Training, I was 15 years old, and I decided right there and then to never ever tell a lie again. I decided that I wanted to be someone who others could trust. I wanted to have a reputation of honor and integrity. William Shakespeare said it best, "Honest is the best policy. If I lose mine honor, I lose myself." It is so much easier to just tell the truth and deal with the ramifications at the time. It takes so much more effort to lie. Here is another great quote, this time by Mark Twain, "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."
White lies never hurt anyone..., How many times have you heard that. It might not hurt the person you are lying to, but it definitely hurts you. You become known as someone who doesn't tell the truth. You are someone who tells white lies. I love this quote by Austin O'Malley, "Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color blind." We make excuses for our small white lies and justify our actions by saying we are saving another person's feelings. Remember this yiddish proverb, "A half truth is a whole lie." It is never easier to just tell a small white lie.
We have all heard this quote before, "Actions speak louder than words." How about, "Children learn from example." Think about this. Your children will grow up and emulate you as best as they can. How do you want your children to view you? They know the truth - they are always an earshot away. They know in their hearts whether you are a parent who tells the truth or not. Think about this quote from Roy L. Smith, "We are apt to forget that children watch examples better that they listen to preaching." And here is another great quote to remember from Clarence Businton Kelland, "My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it." Keep this in mind next time you are on the phone or at a store or you have company over and your children are there to watch, to hear and to learn from your example. Be the kind of parent that sets a good example for your children. Teach them to tell the truth! Always remember this quote by William Shakespeare, "No legacy is so rich as honesty."
“To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; to be credible we must be truthful." - Edward R. Murrow
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, January 11, 2011
“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." -Anonymous
"He who burns his bridges better be a damn good swimmer." - Proverb
Tip 53 is on Burning Bridges. To burn or not to burn is the question? Are you someone who burns bridges or you someone who never burns a bridge. I am sure that we have already talked about this topic once before, but we can all think about this topic again. For me, I am a firm believer in never burning bridges. I have come to learn in my life that you just never know when you might need to cross that bridge again and if you burn it you can never go back. Of course, there are always circumstances that might warrant such drastic action, but those are far and few.
So, why burn the bridge in the first place? There could be many reasons to burn a bridge, but we should exam the reasons. Make a list of all the people in your life that you have cut off - never to be spoken to again. Jot a note beside each name to see why you have decided to burn that bridge. If someone wronged you: slept with your spouse, stole money from your accounts, etc., you are justified. "If you hurt me once shame on you, but if you hurt me twice shame on me." We can cut those people out that lie, cheat and steal. Who needs their bad karma around us? You can also eliminate people who treat others with no respect. I once had a friend that I met through another couple. We would go out together as couples for dinner. Every single time we went out this friend would be nasty to the restaraunt personnel, rude to the valet and then spend most of the night emasculating her husband. FInally, after about 5-6 dinners with this couple I refused to go out with them anymore. Believe it or not when she asked why I told her the truth.
A lot of times we burn bridges because we don't get our way and we get angry. Elliott Larson said it best, "Anger always comes from frustrated expectations." Hearing the word "no" can really set a lot of people off and then we say or do things out of anger that has the potential to burn the bridge even if it's not what we intended. This often happens with the people we love most - like our children. This past week one of my children was finally moving out and getting his own place. He is 21 years old and when his dad and I got married he was 9 and he and his siblings came to live with me. This past year he has been living with me even though his dad has not. When I asked him to move out because things were not really working out for me he got angry and told me I am not his mother, never will be his mother, and never ever to call him again. He is lucky I love him unconditionally or I may have allowed him to burn that bridge. Unfortunately, he took advantage and didn't really appreciate the opportunity I provided living home with me. He felt entitled. I love this quote by Marian Wright Edelman, "Don't feel entitled to anything you didn't sweat and struggle for." And here is a great quote from William James, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." Regardless, be careful of cutting people of your life just because you couldn't get your way.
Sometimes we burn bridges in business. The most common mistake is burning a relationship with one of our customers. Trust me when I tell you there is no amount of money in the world that you could pay to counteract bad press from even one other person out there carrying a vendetta. The price you would need to pay to make the customer happy and satisfied is so much less than the damage one unhappy customer is capable of doing. Always, always, always try to go the extra mile to satifisy even the most difficult of customers. Sometimes it's not fair and the customer is not right, but it is so much better to have a happy customer than to have an unhappy one. In business, the customer is always, always, always right. Remember this quote by Dennis Wholey, "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegitarian." Life isn't always fair and sometimes we need to come out of pocket to make someone happy.
“Maturity is: The ability to stock with a job until it's finished; The abilility to do a job without being supervised; The ability to carry money without spending it; and The ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even." - Abigail Van Buren
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, October 26, 2010
“Mental toughness is many things and rather difficult to explain. Its qualities are sacrifice and self-denial. Also, most importantly, it is combined with a perfectly disciplined will that refuses to give in. It's a state of mind - you could call it 'character in action'." - Vince Lombardi
Tip 45 is on True Motivation. Even me, the queen of motivation, the "Achievement Avatar," sometimes has trouble staying motivated. Why is it that we sometimes lose steam? What does it really take to stay truly motivated through thick and thin, no matter what? Most people will tell you that true motivation comes from doing what you love. If you are passionate about what you are doing then you are always motivated. I believe this to be true, it is important to do what you love, but even then there are times that we all lack motivation.
Right now in my life I am doing 2 things that I really love and having a great time doing both. By day I am working for a law firm doing relationship development for Ellis, Ged Bodden, P.A. I love my job and the people I work for and the people I work with. I love the providers that I meet with everyday and every opportunity I get I tell the partners how much fun I am having and I love my job. This month I had a lot of cancelled appointments. That will really put a damper in your day, your week and even your month. Not only do you lose the appointment you had scheduled, but you lose another appointment slot to reschedule the missed appointment. Overcoming that type of obstacle and staying motivated is not easy. Dr. Robert Shueller once said, "Tough times never last, but tough people do." So every day I must put on my happy face and go out there and conquer the world. My other job as a professional speaker, trainer and coach has its ups and downs like anything else even though speaking is my most favorite thing to do in the world. Going through a divorce this year really threw me off kilter and it's not easy to motivate others when you are not feeling very motivated.
I see doctors all day every day. I meet all kinds of doctors and see all kinds of practices. Some of the doctors complain they don't have enough business but are not really motivated to implement any suggestions as to how they can improve their situation. Are they resigned? Do they lack motivation? Perhaps it is in the attitude. If you have a positive attitude and believe that all of your small efforts could make the difference then perhaps that is what will motivate you!! Tommy Lasorda said, "The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination."
Recently, one of my sons moved home from Gainsville after completing his AA degree from Sante Fe College. He took a semester off and is working in a bar. He sleeps until 11:00 eats, drinks, smokes and then goes to the gym. He then comes home eats, drinks, smokes and goes to work. What kind of life is this for a 21 year old man with the world at his feet? What would it take to motivate this wonderful young man? He needs a plan - he needs a dream - he needs something to reach for so that he is motivated. Martin Luther King once said, "How quickly 'not now' becomes never." Taking a semester off worries me like it would any other parent. My son loves NCIS and for years has commented that he would love that line of work. Do you encourage your son to look into the NAVY?? Why not? Especially, if NCIS is what he is passionate about!! Mary Tyler Moore has said, "Having a dream is what keeps you alive. Overcoming the challenges makes life worth living." I will support my son in any decision he makes but encourage him to live life to the fullest. As James Dean once said, "Dream as if you'll live forever, and live as if you'll die today."
There is always one person in our lives that can give us support when we need it. There is always one person who is always chipper and motivates us to push ahead. For me that person is Colleen Sullivan, my friend, my coach and my sounding board. Find that one person that can be there for you and kick you when you need it to move forward and keep trying. On tomorrow's call at 2:00 please bring with you your Tips for staying motivated.
“We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, September 28, 2010
“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience." - Anonymous
Tip 41 is on Patience Is A Virtue. I consider myself a patient person most of the time. My children often test my patience as does stupidity. Webster's New World College Dictionary defines Patience as, "the state, quality or fact of being patient; the will or ability to wait or endure without complaint; steadiness, endurance or perseverance in the performance of a task." In life there are many obstacles that test our patience. Last Friday was the day of tests for me.
The day started off having to pick up my son early from school so that we could head to the airport for a weekend wedding in NY. When I got to the school and the office called his class they were in the middle of a test. Please wait 15 minutes until the test is finished. Ben Franklin once said, "He that can have patience, can have what he will." Then I headed off to pick up copies that needed to be delivered in Fort Lauderdale. Since I was heading to the Fort Lauderdale airport I thought kill two birds with one stone and save myself a trip on Monday. Well, the copies weren't ready and there was no time to waste. As I headed South on I95 the sky opened up and the rain began. Not just rain though, torrential downpours. Everyone slowed to a snails pace and minute by minute we made our way to the airport. As we arrived, we were rushed to board quickly before the storm reached the airport. The pilot was trying to avoid an additional delay until the storm passed over. As we arrived in the NY area we started circling and circling only to be told that we were not able to land because all the VIP delegates from the United Nation summit were gearing up to leave on their private jets and JFK was now closed until further notice. Off to Hartford, CT to refuel and sit andwait. Our plane was 3 hours late arriving at JFK. I had just spent 6 1/2 hours in closed quarters with my 9 year old son who was hungry, cranky and tired. I did try to make the best of it. My poor brother was waiting at the airport for my arrival. Several passengers missed connecting flights. We make plans and G-d laughs. As Alexandre Dumas Pere once said,"All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope."
I have often had my patience tested on the road. Here in Florida we have numerous elderly who can barely see over the steering wheel. I have observed that men seem to have less patience than women when it comes to driving. Mac McClearly said, "Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead." Think about that for a moment and it really is quite funny and so true. I am always saying to myself, move over and let me pass. It will take a lot though for me to lose my cool. I often say, "Patience is ability to count down from ten before you blast off."
When I feel that feeling come over me I try to take a few deep breaths. Saint Augustine has said, "Patience is the companion of wisdom." I consider myself wise so I try to focus on things I am grateful for which brings me into another space. An example would be that my son and I were on an adventure. I was grateful I had gotten him McDonald's on the way to the airport. I was grateful we had an extra seat between us. I was grateful that the DSD, PSP and I-Touch were all fully charged. And finally, I was grateful that NY was my final destination and I wasn't missing a connecting flight. When I focused on all that I was grateful for I was able to breath a little easier and be more playful with my son. I was very happy when we finally got off that plane. We are always tested in life and it is how we react to certain situations that really determine who we are as human beings. It's easy to be patient when everything is going your way. Your true character comes out though when things run amuck.
So how will you react next time your patience is tested? How will you show up? Remember that Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy once said, "The two most powerful warriors are patience and time." How will you react the next time your kids ask you one million questions relentlessly after a long day at the office? How will you react the next time you go into a restaurant and the waitress takes 20 minutes to come to your table? How will you react when someone cuts you off on the highway? Try to look at the positive side of things. Your kids are so brilliant for asking so many questions. Rejoice in their curiosity!! Perhaps your waitress was washing her hands so that she would serve your food in a sanitary manner. The person who cuts you off is doing you a favor by helping you to avoid an accident that could have come your way had they not cut you off. Who knows if any of it is true, but it sure beats playing the victim. Getting angry and wondering why do these things always happen to you is a total waste of time. Maybe things keep happening to you so that you finally learn the lesson of patience. I will end with one of my favorite quotes of all time...,
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions." - Rainer Maria Rilke
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, September 21, 2010
“If we are together nothing is impossible. If we are divided all will fail."
- Winston Churchill
Tip 40 is on Partnership At Its Finest. The best partnerships are like marriage and the best marriages are like a strong partnership. Finding the right partner is business or marriage is not easy, but when the connection is right anything is possible. When looking for the right partner it is important especially in business to look for those who are strong where you are weak. Great partners know how to leverage the strengths of their partnership for maximum results. Great partners appreciate one another, rely on each other and help to motivate the other.
There are all kinds of partnerships. Aristotle once said, "Friendship is essentially a partnership." Think about the friends you have; some of them are funny and some of them are resourceful. There are friends that will help you move and friends that you can call at 3:00 am. There are friends for all occasions and we learn to love our friends for who they are and for who they are not. Partnerships operate in the same way. Not everyone can be like you, act like you or do something the way you would do it. So we learn to tolerate each other, to have empathy for one another and to accept each others weaknesses.
I have a partnership with my children. Although I am the leader of the pack so to speak, I have created a partnership with them. I try not to dictate or control them because I want them to make their own decisions and learn from their own successes and failures. I can't do it for them - there is no short cut to growing up. I believe in the 3 R's of raising children. Create the Rules for the partnership, Reward your children for following the Rules and create Ramifications in they don't. Just like in a partnership there is always a partnership agreement. Joyce Maynard has said, "It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we can with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it myself." So with children as with partners we must set a good example and walk our talk.
Of course there are the formal business partners. This could either be the best partnership in the world or the worst. I have seen marriages end and friendships combust when they go into business together. One of the best partnerships in business I can think of is Bill Gates and Paul Allen. Together they built the largest computer company in the world. They were able to work together in a cohesive way that promoted each of their strengths to make Microsoft a huge success. They were also able to create partnerships with IBM which really catapulted them to a new level. Bill Gates himself has been quoted as saying, "Our success has really been based on partnerships from the very beginning." Their success was based on mutual respect and appreciation of the other. You have heard me say before, "No one who reaches the top got their by themselves." We all needs partnerships, alliances and joint efforts to help us make our dreams a reality.
Last but definitely not least is the marriage partnership. This is a partnership intended to last a lifetime. Spending a lifetime with one other person will take much hard work and persistence. One of my favorite marriage quotes by Barbara De Angelis is, "Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day." Successful marriages like any partnership thrive on appreciation, mutual respect, good communication and trust. (For any of you local here in sunny South Florida, my friend Tim Kellis is offering a FREE marriage workshop - see information listed below).
“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership." - Ann Landers
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, September 14, 2010
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free." - Catherine Ponder
Tip 39 is on Forgiveness. Forgiveness is a very difficult subject. When we are hurt it is sometimes so very hard to forgive. Yet, most people will tell you that forgiveness sets you free. How do you forgive? How do you forgive and forget? I have found a place within myself to achieve forgiveness, but there is no way that I can forget. My Aunt Joan used to always say, "You hurt me once shame on you, you hurt me twice shame on me." I think that although I have found the ability to forgive and I never been able to forget. John F. Kennedy once said, "Forgive your enemies, but don't forget their names."
We learn forgiveness from our parents. We would inevitably do something wrong and even though there was a consequence to our actions our parents still loved us unconditionally (or I hope at least that was your experience). I see that I have learned the lesson well because I unconditionally love my children. I may not always like their choices or agree with there decisions, but I do love them no matter what. Actually, forgiving my parents after years of holding onto old resentments really was the culmination and highlight of all my inner work thus far. Coming to the realization that my parents did the best they could and loved me as much as they were possibly capable of loving allowed me to remove a huge burden I had been carrying around for years. Forgiving my parents allowed for me to start having healthier relationships. Paul Boese once said, "Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."
We have all had experiences where someone has done us wrong, stabbed us in the back, betrayed a confidence or was not there for us when we needed them. In a spiritual sense I always try to remember that our hand always faces in and that most people are always looking out for themselves. It is rare to meet someone who will ALWAYS put your needs in front of their own. So we get hurt, enraged and disappointed and then go on with our lives getting to be right about our feelings, justifying to others why we are no longer speaking to that person and quite often deep inside we miss them. Remember this quote by Mahatma Ghandi, "The weak never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." This is a great quote and one that I reflect on often. I do consider myself a strong person and therefore, I too can forgive.
Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation or acceptance. It does not mean that we want that person back in our lives again. It just means that we want to move on. We want to unburden the load we have been carrying around and let go of the anger that we feel. It is our choice to forgive and we don't necessarily even have to tell the other person that we are forgiving them. However, Oscar Wilde has said, "Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much." and Isaac Friedmann said, "Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge."
Either way I can personally attest to the fact that forgiveness can set you free. It can also be a game that you play. I believe, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." There have been many times that I have met people who needed some TLC or what I refer to as killing them with kindness. I am also firm believer in never ever stooping to someone else's level. I always want to come out on top with my integrity in check smelling like a rose. And when all else fails, take pity on your opponent.
“Forgiveness will not be possible until compassion is born in your heart." - Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, August 31, 2010
“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. Thoughts are things! And powerful things at that, when mixed with definiteness of purpose, and burning desire, can be translated into riches." - Napoleon Hill
Tip 37 is on Thinking Outside The Box. This concept comes easier to some than it does to others. Thinking outside the box often requires creativity and is much more powerful when done in a mastermind format with several other professionals all there to help contribute and ask pertinent questions. This quote by Brian Tracy says it nicely, "A major stimulant to creative thinking is focused questions. There is something about a well-worded question that often penetrates to the heart of the matter and triggers new ideas and insights." I have always found that a good martini opens up my creative mind (lol).
In my new position with Ellis, Ged & Bodden, P.A. I am in completely new territory. In the past I was only soliciting realtors and mortgage brokers for title work. While I am always still interested in title work, now the firm I work for handles not only Real Estate, but Personal Injury, PIP Claims, Estate Planning, Asset Protection and Immigration as well. Everywhere I go have so many more opportunities to network and meet new people. I am enjoying working with the medical profession and see endless possibilities for working and networking together. Vince Lombardi once said, "We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible." Having confidence and being able to adapt to new situations is part of having the ability to think outside the box. How can I get a stream of referrals going back and forth between all of my contacts. I am certain with a little outside the box thinking, asking the opinions of others and brainstorming with my Tuesday morning Guerrilla Goal Getting group doors will begin to open and the sun will shine.
Often times we need to think outside the box when dealing with other people. I think our siblings set up their own boundaries and we must learn to tread softly. Sometimes it is our children that we must learn how to think outside the box to communicate with them. Of course, what works for one child may not always work on the second child. I have identical twin stepsons whom I raised since they were 9 years old and they are as different as two people could be. How I deal with one is not how I deal with the other. Dealing with your adult children (my twins are now 21) can bring it's own trials and tribulations. Not every child will follow the traditional path. I didn't - I went to college at 26 part time for 8 years until finally the day came when I graduated. I went to law school at 34 and started practicing when I was 37. I love this quote from Edward de Bono, "Traditional thinking is all about "what is" Future thinking will also need to be about what can be."
The possibilities are endless for each and everyone of us if we could just dream the impossible dream. Think like Donald Trump, "I like thinking big. If you're going to be thinking anything, you might as well think big." Every single big project always breaks down into many small projects. Take one issue at a time, thinking outside the box, the issue will be resolved and on to the next issue. Before you know it your project has been completed and your dreams have come true. Congrats!!
“All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts." - James Allen
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, August 24, 2010
"If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever." - The Crow (1994)
Tip 36 is on The Power of Nice!! This Tip is written in memory of Dr. David Golinger, know that you touched the lives of many and you were truly loved. May you rest in peace and may the rest of us learn the lesson from the power of being nice. Dr. Dave was a nice guy. Person after person stood up today to talk about Dr. Dave - there wasn't a dry eye in the chapel and it was standing room only. I left there honored to have known him because he touched me too. Just last Monday I was in his office and he was quick to offer his help in my new position with Ellis, Ged & Bodden, P.A. and quick to show me the most beautiful pictures of his gorgeous family.
Dr. Dave's loyal office manager who worked with him day in and day out for 10 years talked of how every single morning he would start the day off by telling a joke. He always wanted to make them laugh. Not only his staff, but his patients too. He told his jokes over and over and over again. Each time like it was the first time and his patients always laughed. They all looked forward to seeing him again. They all sent their friends and family to see Dr. Dave because he was always smiling and always joking. Dr. Dave was above all such a nice guy!!
His best friend and old partner spoke with great respect of the man who only wanted to strike out on his own. He spoke with great respect of Dr. Dave's deepest desires to work hard and play hard. He always wanted to have fun and make sure everyone else around him was having fun too. He was always in a good mood and had endless energy. He was a nice guy and he will be missed. He thanked all the old friends who had flown in to pay their last respects to such a good friend. There were so many friends over the years who thought Dr. Dave was such a nice guy!!
His partner and the love of his life Kendra could barely talk. She was still in such shock. I met Dr. Dave through Kendra. She was in awe of the room and the amount of people that had turned out to pay their last respects. As she looked out over the sea of faces - some familiar and some not - she knew right then and there how very lucky she was to have shared her life with someone so special. He was one of a kind he was such a nice guy.The most important thing that Kendra said to us today was to make sure that you tell your partners, parents and your children how much you love them every single day. Make sure that you say good bye. Good bye dear friend, Dr. Dave. You have taught us "One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching." Anonymous
So what would it look like to be such a "nice guy" every single day? How much effort would it take? For me it would take waving to my neighbors in the wee hours of the morning as I walk my dogs and before my first cup of coffee (hmm). It would take getting out of the car at the bus stop to actually converse with the other parents (hmm). It would take saying a big friendly hello every morning to the girls at Dunkin Donuts and the list goes on. I am friendly most of the time, but there are some times that I could be friendlier. I am going to work on being nicer to everyone every single day. I am going to smile more and be more grateful of all that I do have every single day. I will tell my children how much I love them (I love you guys!!!) and I will always hold a special place in my heart for Dr. Dave who taught me the power of nice.
"Every man dies. Not every man really lives." - William Ross Wallace
