Tammy's Tips

“The Entrepreneur - They can set aside their assurance for a 40-hour week; they leave the safe cover of tenure and security... and charge across the perilous fields of change and opportunity.  If they succeed, their profits will not come from what they take from their fellow citizens, but from the value they freely place on the gift of their imagination." - George Gilder

“Mental toughness is many things and rather difficult to explain.  Its qualities are sacrifice and self-denial.  Also, most importantly, it is combined with a perfectly disciplined will that refuses to give in.  It's a state of mind - you could call it 'character in action'." - Vince Lombardi

Tip 45 is on True Motivation.  Even me, the queen of motivation, the "Achievement Avatar," sometimes has trouble staying motivated.  Why is it that we sometimes lose steam?  What does it really take to stay truly motivated through thick and thin, no matter what?  Most people will tell you that true motivation comes from doing what you love.  If you are passionate about what you are doing then you are always motivated.  I believe this to be true, it is important to do what you love, but even then there are times that we all lack motivation.

Right now in my life I am doing 2 things that I really love and having a great time doing both. By day I am working for a law firm doing relationship development for Ellis, Ged  Bodden, P.A.   I love my job and the people I work for and the people I work with.  I love the providers that I meet with everyday and every opportunity I get I tell the partners how much fun I am having and I love my job.  This month I had a lot of cancelled appointments.  That will really put a damper in your day, your week and even your month.  Not only do you lose the appointment you had scheduled, but you lose another appointment slot to reschedule the missed appointment.  Overcoming that type of obstacle and staying motivated is not easy. Dr. Robert Shueller once said, "Tough times never last, but tough people do."  So every day I must put on my happy face and go out there and conquer the world.  My other job as a professional speaker, trainer and coach has its ups and downs like anything else even though speaking is my most favorite thing to do in the world. Going through a divorce this year really threw me off kilter and it's not easy to motivate others when you are not feeling very motivated.

I see doctors all day every day.  I meet all kinds of doctors and see all kinds of practices. Some of the doctors complain they don't have enough business but are not really motivated to implement any suggestions as to how they can improve their situation.  Are they resigned?  Do they lack motivation?  Perhaps it is in the attitude.  If you have a positive attitude and believe that all of your small efforts could make the difference then perhaps that is what will motivate you!!  Tommy Lasorda said, "The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination."

Recently, one of my sons moved home from Gainsville after completing his AA degree from Sante Fe College.  He took a semester off and is working in a bar.  He sleeps until 11:00 eats, drinks, smokes and then goes to the gym.  He then comes home eats, drinks, smokes and goes to work.  What kind of life is this for a 21 year old man with the world at his feet? What would it take to motivate this wonderful young man?  He needs a plan - he needs a dream - he needs something to reach for so that he is motivated.  Martin Luther King once said, "How quickly 'not now' becomes never."  Taking a semester off worries me like it would any other parent.  My son loves NCIS and for years has commented that he would love that line of work.  Do you encourage your son to look into the NAVY??  Why not?  Especially, if NCIS is what he is passionate about!! Mary Tyler Moore has said, "Having a dream is what keeps you alive. Overcoming the challenges makes life worth living."  I will support my son in any decision he makes but encourage him to live life to the fullest.  As James Dean once said, "Dream as if you'll live forever, and live as if you'll die today."

There is always one person in our lives that can give us support when we need it.  There is always one person who is always chipper and motivates us to push ahead.  For me that person is Colleen Sullivan, my friend, my coach and my sounding board.  Find that one person that can be there for you and kick you when you need it to move forward and keep trying.  On tomorrow's call at 2:00 please bring with you your Tips for staying motivated.

“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.  What we attain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly; it is adversity that gives everything its value." 
- Thomas Payne

“Patience is waiting.  Not passively waiting.  That is laziness.  But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience." - Anonymous

“If we are together nothing is impossible.  If we are divided all will fail."
 - Winston Churchill

Tip 40 is on Partnership At Its Finest.  The best partnerships are like marriage and the best marriages are like a strong partnership.  Finding the right partner is business or marriage is not easy, but when the connection is right anything is possible.  When looking for the right partner it is important especially in business to look for those who are strong where you are weak.  Great partners know how to leverage the strengths of their partnership for maximum results.  Great partners appreciate one another, rely on each other and help to motivate the other.

There are all kinds of partnerships.  Aristotle once said, "Friendship is essentially a partnership."  Think about the friends you have; some of them are funny and some of them are resourceful.  There are friends that will help you move and friends that you can call at 3:00 am.  There are friends for all occasions and we learn to love our friends for who they are and for who they are not.  Partnerships operate in the same way.  Not everyone can be like you, act like you or do something the way you would do it.  So we learn to tolerate each other, to have empathy for one another and to accept each others weaknesses.

I have a partnership with my children.  Although I am the leader of the pack so to speak, I have created a partnership with them.  I try not to dictate or control them because I want them to make their own decisions and learn from their own successes and failures.  I can't do it for them - there is no short cut to growing up.  I believe in the 3 R's of raising children. Create the Rules for the partnership, Reward your children for following the Rules and create Ramifications in they don't.  Just like in a partnership there is always a partnership agreement.  Joyce Maynard has said, "It's not only children who grow.  Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we can with ours.  I can't tell my children to reach for the sun.  All I can do is reach for it myself."  So with children as with partners we must set a good example and walk our talk.

Of course there are the formal business partners.  This could either be the best partnership in the world or the worst.  I have seen marriages end and friendships combust when they go into business together.  One of the best partnerships in business I can think of is Bill Gates and Paul Allen.  Together they built the largest computer company in the world.  They were able to work together in a cohesive way that promoted each of their strengths to make Microsoft a huge success.  They were also able to create partnerships with IBM which really catapulted them to a new level.  Bill Gates himself has been quoted as saying, "Our success has really been based on partnerships from the very beginning." Their success was based on mutual respect and appreciation of the other.  You have heard me say before, "No one who reaches the top got their by themselves."  We all needs partnerships, alliances and joint efforts to help us make our dreams a reality.

Last but definitely not least is the marriage partnership.  This is a partnership intended to last a lifetime.  Spending a lifetime with one other person will take much hard work and persistence.  One of my favorite marriage quotes by Barbara De Angelis is, "Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb.  It isn't something you get.  It's something you do.  It's the way you love your partner every day."  Successful marriages like any partnership thrive on appreciation, mutual respect, good communication and trust. (For any of you local here in sunny South Florida, my friend Tim Kellis is offering a FREE marriage workshop - see information listed below).

"If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them.  Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever." - The Crow (1994)

“Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life." - Sophia Loren

Tip 33 asks the question: "Can You Admit When You're Wrong?" Every single one of us has made a mistake at one time or another.  We sometimes say the wrong thing.  We sometimes break a confidence.  We sometimes do something without thinking.  We sometimes forget someone's special occasion.  None of us are perfect.  The question still remains though, "Can we admit when we are wrong?"

Dale E. Turner once said, "It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for them.  To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it when it is discovered shows infirmity of character." Last week I got into deep water with my ex when I revealed personal information about him.  When he confronted me I immediately apologized for my offense.  I wrote the Tip as I always do, from my heart, without thinking of the implications.  It does take a brave person to admit their mistakes.  I like to think of myself as someone who is willing to admit when they are wrong.  We all want to defend ourselves in some way.  I find the more we defend our selves the more we probably need to take a good hard look at ourselves to see why we are so defensive.

In the speaking world we are always taught that you should avoid topics related to politics and religion and always do your best not to insult someone's race, religion or beliefs.  My mom used to always say, "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing."  I think that's very good advice. Offensive and opinionated statements often hurt others and sometimes alienates you from the the people you are communicating with. But when and if you do cause insult to someone, apologize! When someone is hurt or offended you cannot defend your position or invalidate their feelings. It is always best to agree to disagree and move on. Stephen R. Covey has often said, "Don't argue for other people's weaknesses.  Don't argue for your own.  When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it immediately."

Learning from our mistakes is one of the keys to success.  There is not one person who has made it to the top without making some type of mistakes along the way.  Those people got to the top by learning from their mistakes and using that to grow.  John Powell has said,"The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing." Most of the mistakes that I learned while running my law firm and title company cost me plenty of money.  I think the more it costs the quicker we learn.  Sometimes the cost is friendship.  One of my closest friends wrongly accused me of breaking a confidence.  She stayed mad at me for about 10 years.  I kept apologizing even though I was not at fault.  I begged forgiveness and made promise after promise.  Every year I sent her a birthday card and holiday card telling her how much I missed her and loved her.  Finally, one spring day I ran into her while out shopping and it was like no time had passed.  We ran into each others arms and cried. I am so glad to have her back in my life and would like to think my persistence had some role in our reunion. It is a friendship I treasure and I now know how important a confidence is to another person. Another mistake I have learned from is when my mom passed away back in July of 2006. I never thought that funerals were important until I was forced to attend my own mom's funeral. Looking out into the sea of mourners it was so comforting to me my close friends there. It made all the difference in the world and I do my best to always be there for others in their own time of need.

Sometimes the lessons are big and sometimes they are small.  Every single lesson we learn makes us stronger and wiser.  That is why you often hear older people say. "That youth was wasted on the young" or "If I knew then what I know now...,"  Are you a big enough person or a secure enough person to learn from your own mistakes or even the mistakes of others. There are things that other people do that have us say to ourselves, "I will never do that" or "I will never treat my children in that manner." There are so many mistakes that are very valuable learning lessons for us as we grow as human beings. Teenagers grow into responsible adults or so we hope from the valuable life lessons we teach our children. Think about the type of role model you are.  Don't lie, cheat and steal and then expect your children to behave in a more moral way.  It is important to walk you talk!!