Tammy's Tips

Tip 42 is on Living In The Muck.  Living in the muck is never easy.  When I am in the muck of it I just want to stay in bed and never leave.  Sometimes I wish I could stick my head in the sand and pretend it will all go away. Stuff happens all the time that I just don't want to deal with. Can't someone swoop down and save me from all this muck!!!  After a day or two of that even I am sick of myself.  It's okay to have a "pity party" but that can only last for a short time.  No one is going to come down and save me.  It's up to us to pick ourselves up, wipe ourselves off and move on.  It's up to us to get over it and get on with it.  There is no use feeling sorry for yourself, I think it's a complete waste of energy.  So what do you do?

Albert Einstein once said, "In the middle of every difficulty comes opportunity."Another way of saying, "When one door closes another opens." We may not always see the opportunity right away. It may take time for us to learn the lessons we need to learn from each and every experience. The lesson will eventually show itself, the opportunity will be there waiting. So the first thing that we can do when we enter difficult times is to ask ourselves, "What is the lesson I need to learn from this?" If we don't learn the lesson then chances are it could happen again. It's okay to ask others what they think the lesson is. You would be amazed at the wealth of information other people can offer.

There is no one that I know who has a perfect life free from Peaks and Valleys! We all experience setbacks and disappointments.  It's how we handle the down times that really sets us apart from all the rest.  Remember the saying, "The cream always rises to the top." Truly strong people always survive and learn from their mistakes and come out better for it. It's up to each one of us to be in control of our own destiny.  Spencer Johnson, MD, wrote a great book called Peaks and Valleys, Making Good and Bad Times Work For You - At Work and In Your Life.  This is a great read and a charming story.  One of the things the books says is, "Peaks and Valleys are not just the good and the bad times that happen to you. They are also how you feel inside and respond to outside events."So we must try to make the most of our down times too.  Even Neil Young said, "As you go through life, you've got to see the valleys as well as the peaks."

When we are in these down times it is the time for reflection and introspection. Maybe we need the down times to learn the lessons so that we can come back stronger the next time. Maybe we need the downtimes so that we can really appreciate the good times. You all know how much I promote the gratitude list.  Whenever I am feeling in the muck of it I always try to remember all the things that I am so very grateful for. Once I start feeling grateful that feeling of "poor me" seems to disappear. Looking at those who are less fortunate really helps to put things in perspective. Henry Ford once said, "Failure is an opportunity to begin again more intelligently."

Let's remember no matter what, that every single person who ever made it to the top of a peak had spent many a day in the valley.  We need the valleys to help us get to our peaks in life. When we learn from our mistakes the future is brighter and safer.  Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." So when you experience your next dark time and you feel like you are drowning in the muck look out and see if you can see the stars.  If there weren't any valleys there would be no peaks. Remember this on your journey as you try to reach out for the peaks in your own life.

Tip 32 is on Dealing with Stress.  Stress has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it as well as hitting you between the eyes when you do expect it.  It is how we deal with the stress when it is upon us that makes all the difference in the world.  What is it in life that causes you stress and anxiety?  How is it that you deal with stress?  How have you learned to avoid stress?  These are all important questions because stress and anxiety can not only affect your personality it can also affect your health.

Many of you know that I am happily getting divorced.  At a recent dental cleaning the dentist wanted to know what was I doing differently?  In all the years I had been coming to him my gums were always sore and swollen and this visit they were healthy!!  He thought I must be taken vitamins or supplements,but was not surprised when I told him I was happily getting divorced. He confirmed that stress can cause all kinds of physical ailments.  WOW!!! My 9 year old son was having major issues in school at the beginning of the year. Trouble focusing, not completing assignments and even being disruptive in class. He was diagnosed by a therapist as having an anxiety disorder stemming from father's anger. WOW!!!  After the separation my son's grades went from C and D's to A and B's.  His reading score went up 220 points. WOW!!!  If there is a great deal of stress around you it can affect not only you but the ones you love the most.  It's amazing what a bad situation can do to your children. Terri Guillemets has said, "Give your stress wings and let it fly away."

Finding 8 voice mails and 30 emails after getting out of a morning meeting can immediately cause me to feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Having a credit card declined can cause stress even when it's not your fault.  Missing the cable guy or forgetting an appointment can cause stress for even the calmest of people. We have all experienced this once or twice before and I am sure it will happen again. The question is:  How will you handle it?  I was recently told that you have about 20 seconds to calm your self down when feeling stressed out before the stress really settles in for the duration. I was told to practice meditation and deep breathing in those first 20 seconds to break the spell and find an inner calmness. Another good trick is to grab some carbs and eat them. Carbs counteracts the chemicals being released when you get stressed out. Sometimes I go out for a walk or a swim to calm my mind and center my soul. A bath always works wonders. Whatever works for each of you is what you should do.  Jim Goodwin and Sydney J. Harris once said, "The time to relax is when you don't have time for it." 

I recommend avoiding stressful situations or persons whenever possible. Remember this Chinese Proverb, " Tension is who you think you should be.  Relaxation is who you are." If there is someone who always rubs you the wrong way avoid them as often as possible.  If you must deal with that person prepare yourself in advance by imagining yourself applying an emotional sunscreen to your body (and inner child) before dealing with that person. Remember it is the people that we love the most that cause us the most pain and heartache. Try removing yourself from people who put you down, blame you for everything, continue to bring up past painful events, scream, yell and/or curse at you, or call you names or say hurtful harming things. Those types of people are truly unhappy with themselves and vomit their upset all over everyone and anyone they can.  Run from those people!!!  

Tip 30 is on Balance even though the subject line reads Better Late Than Never.  Sorry for the delay in getting my Tuesday Tip to you, but I was on vacation!!!  My 9 year old son and I flew into NY on Friday to spend 3 wonderful days with my family.  I attended my cousin Ellen's beautiful wedding on Sunday and then Monday we took Amtrak down to Washington DC for 3 exciting nights. We took in all of the sights and had a total blast.

I could have taken my laptop and did my Tip on the scheduled Tuesday, but I didn't.  I wanted to give my son my undivided attention.  It was our first solo vacation and he had just learned about government in the 3rd grade.  There are times that work is not as important as family.  I had recently read an anonymous quote, "In the time of your Life. Live." Does it really matter in the big scheme of things whether or not all my loyal readers got the Tip on Tuesday?  I think not.  I think there are times that we must put away our laptops, cellphones and pagers and spend quality time with the ones that we love.  I know that my son appreciated the time we had together and that was what was important to me while we were away.

Savoring each moment of your day is a gift.  We all are worried about the future and concerned about things in the past.  We sometimes forget to stop and smell the roses, appreciate a beautiful sunset or take joy in the eyes of our children when they light up with excitement at the site of the Capitol.  My dear friend Alys just suffered a heart attack brought on by Broken Heart Syndrome.  No kidding, this is a real affliction.  The sadness and stress she has been experiencing lately sent her healthy heart into spasms.  This was her wake up call.  I hope that we all don't have to experience this type of tragedy to start to appreciate everything that we do have. H. Jackson Brown once said, "Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures."

If you have someone special in your life make it a point to share some quality time with them.  No TVs, no cellphones, no emails, just you and your undivided attention.  Spend time with your kids before the summer is over and they are back at school with homework and extra curricular activities.  Do something different with them that you have never done before.  New experiences create awesome memories.  Something simple like picking up sandwiches and going for a picnic, flying a kite or taking the dog to a dog park.  Anything new seems exciting and will create lifelong memories.  Anything that brings us sheer joy and passion can turn into an annual event or monthly event.  Go for it!!!!  Enjoy.