Tammy Saltzman - Wednesday, March 16, 2011
“If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you." - T. Alan Armstrong
Tip 61 is on Do What You Love..., Love What You Do. How many of us really get to do what we love every single day of our lives? One of my first secrets to success that I share with students is, "They should follow their own dreams not their parent's dreams." It amazes me how many adults that I meet that are looking for motivation and can't seem to find it becuase they really don't love what they're doing. How excited and motivated can any one person be if they are not passionate about their work or their projects in life. When there is passion there is motivation. Oprah Winfrey has said many times, "Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you." Think about that. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths and dream your biggest dreams. If you could be doing anything you wanted to do what would it be? Here is a great quote from Julia Cameron, "What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us."
Do you know the answer to the question? Are you in touch with your dreams? What was it you wanted to be when you were young? For me, I always wanted to be a lawyer or the President of the United States of America. For me it was never a teacher or a nurse like many young girls yearn to be. I love this anonymous quote, "Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it." Your ultimate dream may take time and may take patience. I did not go to school to get my undergraduate degree until I was 26 years old. It took me 8 long years of full-time employment and part-time schooling, then 3 years of law school. It took an very long time, but time passed and eventually my dream came to fruition. I practiced real estate law for 9 years and then started coaching other lawyers on how to build their book of business. My goals transformed into a dream of speaking and training and coaching. My dream is still getting refined because what I love more than anything is speaking to students. How cool is that to be so sure of what it is that makes you happy that makes you feel "used up" as George Bernard Shaw would tell us. Be careful, this quote by Walter Chrysler says it all, "I feel sorry for the person who can't get genuinely excited about his work. Not only will be never be satisfied, but he will never achieve anything worthwhile."
The feeling one gets from doing what they love is euphoric. Packed with chills, goose bumps and what I refer to as the "work orgasm." There is no motivation needed when you really love what you do. Mondays are exciting and full of new possibilities. TGIF means "Thank God I Feel" - and I will rest so that I can be productive again on Monday. When we do what we love we are always telling others about what we do and sharing our joy and our passion. We try to recruit everyone and want everyone to be as content as we are. WOW!!! Earl Nightingale said it best, "The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path to its fulfillment." I will remind you again, "this is not a dress rehearsal." Stop waiting for the kids to leave or your husband to retire to go back to school or to begin a new career. You are never too old and it is never too late.
It is a life sentence to go to a job everyday that does not bring you joy. I am not saying that you should go out and quit your job, but sit down and mastermind a plan for yourself. If you need help speak with a mentor or significant other to see what would need to happen to have your dream come true. I am always available for coaching sessions as well. Here is another great anonymous quote, "Many things will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart... PURSUE THOSE." Let me give you a perfect example. I was getting my nails done last Friday and the nail technician, Erica, was complaining about how much she disliked her jobs. She works full time for a restaraunt in their catering department and then 2 days doing nails. Neither job is her dream job so they both seems like chores to her. There is no passion and no joy. I asked her if she could do anything she wanted what would that be. She did not even think about it before she blurted out she would do something in animal rescue. When she described her dream job her whole demeanor changed. She got this huge smile on her face, her eyes lit up, she sat up straight and she was so excited. I encouraged her to look into her dream. Do work on Sunday doing animal rescue to get some experience. Get on the dog rescue lists of persons willing to take in animals. She may not be able to quit her other jobs right away, but perhaps down the road she can come up with an exit strategy. Confucius once said, "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life."
“Dont' ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, February 01, 2011
“Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nuture your dreams." - Lao Tzu
Tip 56 is on Being Careful. Are you someone who tends to be careful and cautious or are you someone that jumps in with both feet and throws caution to the wind? There is a good arguement for both perspectives. Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word careful as follows, "acting or working in a thoughtful, painstaking way; cautious, wary, or guarded." And the word carefree as, "free from troubles or worry." I do believe that there is a time to be careful and a time to be carefree. Feeling carefree is a gift that we should all enjoy whenever we can and it is usually a reward that we get from being careful. Ben Franklin once said, "Distrust and caution are the parents of security." It is only when we feels most secure that we can throw caution to the wind and enjoy a carefree moment.
As a lawyer it is really my job to look for all the things that can go wrong. It is our job as attorneys to let our clients know what is their worst case scenario. We are trained to look at the upside and weight it against the downside. It is our job to make sure that the client knows the worst possible outcome of each decision they make so that they can make an educated decision. I try hard not to be this pessimistic in my real world, but when a client pays you to play the devils advocate it is our ethical responsibility to perform. Ralph Waldo Emerson will remind us, "A man is usually more careful of his money that he is of his principles."
In business we are always cautious. Buying businesses, taking in partners, hiring employees, and securing vendors. It's a risky business out there and checking out the reputation of the people we do business with makes perfect sense. With today's technology everyone's information is just a click away on Google. The Better Business Buereau and Daily Business Review have all their records available on line. Court records and deeds are all public documents that are now available on line at most court houses throughout the United States. When is comes to financial matters we need to be as careful as possible. Not only do we consult our lawyers, but we now consult our CPA's, financial planners, and our estate planners. Unfortunately, no matter how careful we are are many of life's lessons end up costing us money. Do your best to try and learn the expensive lessons from the mistakes of others. Remember this by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Every step of life shows much caution is required." I think that is another way of saying the older we get the more jaded we become.
As a parent I am always cautioning my children to be careful. We start when they are very young. Don't touch the stove, look both ways when you cross. Be careful!! We are worried for our children and don't want them to get hurt. Even as adults our parents are worried and still tell us to be careful. Adam's mom Joan just told him to be careful when he told her all about me this past week. I have heard the same advice as well from my well meaning friends and family. Joan doesn't know me and my friends don't know Adam, but everyone says the same thing, "We are so happy for you. Go slow, be careful." When it comes to matters of the heart it is so much harder to be careful. The excitement and the hope take over and just sweep you off your feet. Aren't we all looking for ever lasting love?? Bertrand Russell once said, "Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness." Yet e.e.cummings reminds us, "Be of love a little more careful than of anything." I would like to think that what he meant was that once you find love be careful with it, preserve it and cherish it so that you don't lose it. Sorry Joan, it's too late - if it doesn't work out it will probably hurt, but if it does work out - G-d bless and thank you Lisa.
“It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution." - Alvin Toffler
Tammy Saltzman - Monday, January 31, 2011
“None of us got where we are solely by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. We got here because somebody - a parent, a teacher, an Ivy League crony or a few nuns - bent down and helped us pick up our boots."- Thurgood Marshall
Tip 54 is on Appreciation. Specifically appreciation of other people in your life that really made a difference. Many people come and go into our lives everyday, but every now and then we are moved by the acts of others. Look back and see who is it that really impacted your life in one way or the other. The impact could even be bad, but what we actually learned was good. Have we said "thank you" to the people that have made some lasting impression? I started thinking about this as I prepared for the International Speech Contest tomorrow at Toastmasters. I am doing my speech about my dad and all the lessons that I have learned from him and how much I appreciate all that I learned. I can't call my dad to say thank you, but I can honor his memory by keeping his name (Saltzman) and using all that I learned from him for good. I love this quote by John F. Kennedy, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."
As I started to think about all my appreciation I have for my dad, I started realizing that in the last few days I have been very appreciative. My dear friend Monty invited me to one of his infamous wine dinners. The food and wine was delicious, the company delightful, and a good time was had by all. Another dear friend Lisa set me up on a blind date Saturday night. The date happened to be one of the best blind dates I ever had, but regardless, I was so appreciative that she thought of me and passed my number along. I tried to express my appreciation by sending Monty an email the next morning and texting Lisa some of the details from my Saturday night date. Remember, Mark Kay Ash once said, "Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don't keep it a secret." As far as love is concerned, Alexander Smith reminds us, "Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition." Hence, the great date with Adam.
You are always hearing me talk about how much I love my job and the firm that I work for, Ellis, Ged & Bodden, P.A. Yes, I am constantly appreciating my working situation, but it means nothing if I don't communicate it to the people I work for and the people I work with. I am always telling my boss how much I love my job and how much fun I have every single day. I truly believe this quote by William James, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." And if there is ever a time that you don't appreciate your job, please remember this quote by Oscar Wilde, "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." And if you are a business owner that happens to have great employees, remember they too want to be appreciated. Sam Walton, founder of Walmart, really said it best, "Appreciate everything your associates do for the business. Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well timed, sincere words of praise. They're absolutely free and worth a fortune."
So, as I was sitting here writing my Tip my son's tutor came in to provide me with the weekly progress report for Brandon. Greg Yodowitz, like most teachers is under paid and under appreciated. Teachers are responsible for our children's futures. Teachers never get enough appreciation. Mr. Yodowitz, we love you, thanks for making a difference in Brandon's education. Dan Rather said it best, "The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometime poking you with a sharp stick called truth." So really, please act immediately to this anonymous quote, "If you can read this, go thank a teacher." If you live in the Boca Raton area and are looking for a good tutor see Mr. Yodowitz's contact information below.
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." Fredierick Keonig
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, December 14, 2010
“The more clear and definite you make your picture then, and the more you dwell upon it, bringing out all its delightful details, the stronger your desire will be, and the stronger your desire, the easier it will be to hold your mind fixed upon the picture of what you want." Wallace D. Wattles
Tip 51 is on Manifestation. Some definitions of the word "manifest" from the Webster's New World College Dictionary are, "palpable, evident; to make clear, show plainly, reveal; to show itself." Sounds like magic, but it is as simple as this quote by Henry Ford, "Whether you think you can or can't you are right." I don't know about you, but I would much prefer to think I can all of the time. I can create my own reality and I choose that reality to be one that revolves around the basic concept of "I can".
The first step in manifesting your dreams is to write them down. Once you commit your dreams to paper they become a real goal that you can now break down into steps necessary to achieving your dream. Remember this quote by Napoleon Hill, "Whatever your mind can conceive and can believe, it can achieve." What is it that you want to manifest in 2011. Even Pablo Picaso once said, "Everything you can imagine is real." Is it a new job, a new relationship, more income, or better health? Sit down and think of your dream situation and then commit it to paper. Goals are really just dreams with a time line. Mark Victor Hansen said, "You control your future, your destiny. What you think about comes about. By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands - your own." If you really want to up the ante I recommend that you share your written dream with at least one person. I am a firm believer in the more people you tell the more chances for success. Another great thing about sharing your dreams is getting feedback from those that support you. Ignore the naysayers at all costs and fill your world with those who are there to offer positive feedback, suggestions, and key connections for helping you manifest your dreams.
Anything is possible. Wayne Dyer has said, "The power of intention is the power to manifest, to create, to live a life of unlimited abundance, and to attract into your life the right people at the right moments." When I decided to go back to work I knew exactly the type of job I wanted. I decided I wanted to do marketing for a law firm, work from the house, work 25 hours a week, home by 3:00 so I could help my son with his homework, and work with a firm who had a stellar reputation. I knew exactly who to call, founding partner, Ronda Ellis, who was thrilled to have me on board. Not only did I get exactly what I wanted, I love what I am doing and love the people I work for at Ellis, Ged & Bodden, P.A. The power of intention is amazing if you truly believe that you are worthy to reap the rewards. This year I want to work on getting more paid speaking engagements, finalizing my divorce, and figure out a way to stay in my home. All things are possible if you believe them to be so. Carl Sandburg said, "Nothing happens but first a dream."
There will be obstacles in your path. There will be naysayers who tell you that you can't succeed, won't succeed, and the best one, you will never make any money doing that. Don't listen to those people. Most of them never believed they could reach their own dreams, so why should you be able to reach yours. James Allen said, "A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardner of his soul, the director of his life." Don't let others rip away your dreams. If you are passionate about something, if it brings you great joy, then follow your true desires and miracles will happen. Watch out for past history playing a part in your future. You may have tried other things in the past that may not have worked out as you expected. Use those as learning experiences to succeed in the future, not as reasons to stop you from following a new dream. I love this quote by Eckhart Tolle,"The past has no power over the present moment." Unless you try, one shall never know. It is better to try and fail that to never have tried at all.
I wish for you all that you wish for in 2011.
“Every great work, every big accomplishment, has been brought into manifestation through holding to the vision, and often just before the big achievement, comes apparent failure and discouragement." - Florence Scovel Shinn
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, December 07, 2010
“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do." - Edward Everett Hale
Tip 50 is on Making a Difference. Do you believe that you can make a difference in the world? Do you believe that just one person can make a difference? I am a firm believer that each and everyone of us can make a difference in the world. William James once said, "Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." Michelle Rhee is a shining example of someone who believes that she can make a difference. This week's Tip is being dedication to Michelle Rhee who is an inspiration to all of us and someone that I have a tremendous amount of respect for given the fact that she is willing to take a risk, take a stand, make a commitment, and invite us all along for the ride to radically change how the United States Educational System is run. For those of you who don't know Michelle Rhee, please make sure to Google her. In summary, she is the former Chancellor of Schools for Washington D.C. and since her recent resignation has turned down numerous job opportunities even one from the White House. On December 6, 2010, Michelle announced the launch of her new foundation called Students First (www.studentsfirst.org). Michelle has some radical and controversial ideas about how to fix the broken system and I for one am committed to helping her achieve her goal. Anne Frank once said, "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world."
Back in 1977 when Werner Erhardt launched the Hunger Project our first goal was getting people to take the pledge that they wanted to have Hunger end on the planet. Michelle is heading down the same path, asking us to take a PLEDGE and take a stand saying that we are committed to seeing changes in the educational system so that our children get a better education. Each and every one of taking a pledge really speaks volumes to the powers that be. Leo Rosten once said, "The purpose of life is not to be happy - but to matter, to be productive, to have it make some difference that you have lived at all." Think about that quote and let it really sink in.
Back in 1977 Werner gave me this unbelievable quote by George Bernard Shaw, and it is now one of my favorites:
"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.
I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."
All you need to know is this: The Program for International Student Assessment (PISA) provided the results of a 2009 study given to 15 year olds in 65 of the world's most industrialized nations and the United States scored 17th in reading, 23rd in science, and 31st in math. How can that be when we are supposed to be the greatest nation in the world? How can our young students compete when they are already at such a disadvantage? What is wrong with the way we are educating our students today and what can we do to make changes before it's too late? There is a lot you can do!! Remember this great quote by Sydney Smith, "It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little - do what you can." So, what can you do? First, you can go to the Students First website (www.studentsfirst.org) to read more about the study and Michelle's plans to make things right. Then you could sign the PLEDGE declaring your commitment to making changes to the education system so that our students have a better chance to compete with students from other world nations. Finally, you can share this information with as many people as you can, just as I am doing here with you today. Mark Twain once said,"The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is found in their perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit." Michelle started this movement, but it is up to each and everyone of us to help her dream of providing a better education to our students come to fruition.
Please feel free to do more, do whatever it is that you can. I love this quote by Mohammed Ali, "Service to others is the rent you pay for room here on earth." As a speaker I am in front of audiences all the time. I am able to share this message on a regular basis. This past Monday, my friend, family law and appeals attorney and former Mayor of Coral Springs, Scott Brook (www.scottjbrookpa.com) invited me to a PNA meeting at Mythos, a delicious Greek restaurant in Coral Springs, Florida (www.mythosrestaurant.com) to hear my dear friend and colleague Kellie Kuecha (www.kelliekuecha.com) speak about branding. Scott allowed me a few moments to make an announcement where I shared about Students First. Gil Sternbach, the owner of Mythos, he not only made the pledge, but he offered his restaurant for grass root meetings. WOW!!! Congratulations to Mythos!! Remember, this quote by Winston Churchill, "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." Thanks to all of you for your support. On Tuesday at Toastmasters I used Students First during my turn at Topics Master. I asked them all to take the pledge. What ever you can give it adds to the momentum and just taking the pledge helps Michelle reach her goals.
“I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again." - William Penn
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, November 30, 2010
“We all have our own life to pursue, our own kind of dream to be weaving, and we all have the power to make wishes come true, as long as we keep believing."
- Louisa May Alcott
Tip 49 is on Words of Encouragement. This weeks tip starts and ends with a quote from Louisa May Alcott, a respected author who made a huge difference in my young life when I read Little Women. When I speak to students one of the first things that I tell them as a key to their own success is to make sure that they are following their own dreams. So often our own dreams are quashed by our parents, family and friends when we are told that what we are dreaming isn't realistic or will never earn us any income. Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word Encourage as "to give courage, hope or confidence to; to give support to; be favorable to; foster; help." What a wonderful great thing it is to offer encouragement. Christopher Reeves once said, "Once you choose hope, anything is possible."
I just returned from a visit with my family up north. What a great Thanksgiving it was to spend time with my brothers and their beautiful and amazing children. I am dedicating this Tip to my niece Ilana and my nephews Allen, Michael and Max. I am so proud of those kids and I just loved to sit and listen to what they are dreaming for their future here on planet earth. How great it is to even have a dream. Imagine what life would be like if we didn't have any dreams for ourselves. Theodore Roosevelt said, "Believe you can and you're halfway there." Most young adults thrive when they have a plan, a goal or a dream. I have seen the lack of motivation in my own adult children when there is no plan and they have no dream. It is really hard to get through the day unless there is something better that we can reach for. Wherever it may take us and whatever it may be. This is a great quote by Henry David Thoreau, "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
Ilana wants to be a writer and stand up and aspires to one day be on Saturday Night Live. I told her, research the prior cast members and follow in their paths. Find out what schools they went to and how they got their start in comedy. Contact the current staff and see if you can get an internship there. What is the worst they can say? "NO" A silly little word that only has 2 letters which happens to scare a lot of people away from even trying. Remember, NO always means not now. It does not mean NEVER. Allen also wants to be an actor. He has been acting since he was old enough to try out for the local theater groups and summer camp plays. He has not only acted in more than a dozen productions, but he has had many leading roles. He can sing, dance and act and he does it with passion. Every single extra dollar he can spare is spent riding the train to Manhattan to see Broadway and Off Broadway shows to study his craft. He is not someone who needs a dream, but he could definitely use a little more encouragement. We all know how hard it is to succeed in this business, so figure out a Plan B to help get you through until you make it in show business. Here is a great quote by Confucius, "It does not matter how slowly you go up, so long as you don't stop."
Michael is the sweetest of the crowd. Never great at books and homework but he has a love and passion for computers. At the very young age of 13 he managed to get himself an internship with a computer company giving him enough confidence to launch his own computer repair side business. With the right encouragement and a little help from cousin Joey maybe one day he will be offered a job with Microsoft. One never knows - Why not dream big. Max the wild one of the bunch is a soccer maven. Not only playing, but now refereeing games. He is mature, confident and sure of his calls even at the young age of 15. He one day wants to work with FIFA and at the rate he is traveling (warp speed ahead) I have no doubt this young man will accomplish every single one of his goals. A great quote by Craig Venter, "I don't know if the optimist or the pessimists are right. But the optimists are going to get something done."
We all come into this life with the sole purpose to make a difference in the lives of others. How great an opportunity to start at home with our own children giving them a reason to believe and hope. My own 21 year old son has lost his way and took a semester off from college. We spent many a night talking about his interests and what "turns him on." We talked about business, college, armed forces, technical schools, police force and EMTs. We covered many topics and researched some of them more. I believe he lacks a dream and a plan for himself in the future. Just finishing college is not exciting unless you have an idea of what you would like to accomplish with that degree. I do my best to love and support him with words of encouragement and hope. I am certain he will eventually find his way. James R. Cook once said, "Do just once what others say you can't do and you will never pay attention to their limitations again." I believe that he can do whatever it is that he sets his mind to. We discovered that he does have a dream to be in criminal investigation..., stay tuned.
If you don't have children or our children are already grown look for other opportunities to encourage others.Today in Toastmaster's Dan spoke of his grandfather who took Dan aside upon graduation from High School and taught him the art of making a plan. Sitting down with him to teach him about Goal Setting and how to make "SMART" goals. Wow! Dan was so lucky to have someone in his life to encouragement him to set goals and teach him the proper way to set them out. Dan has used this to teach many of his staff how to set proper goals to help them achieve their dreams. We all want to be successful and earn a lot of money, but we need a specific plan to provide the road map. Dan is now teaching others to create their own road map. Dan is living this quote by Mark Twain, "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see them, and try to follow where they lead. - Louisa May Alcott
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, October 26, 2010
“Mental toughness is many things and rather difficult to explain. Its qualities are sacrifice and self-denial. Also, most importantly, it is combined with a perfectly disciplined will that refuses to give in. It's a state of mind - you could call it 'character in action'." - Vince Lombardi
Tip 45 is on True Motivation. Even me, the queen of motivation, the "Achievement Avatar," sometimes has trouble staying motivated. Why is it that we sometimes lose steam? What does it really take to stay truly motivated through thick and thin, no matter what? Most people will tell you that true motivation comes from doing what you love. If you are passionate about what you are doing then you are always motivated. I believe this to be true, it is important to do what you love, but even then there are times that we all lack motivation.
Right now in my life I am doing 2 things that I really love and having a great time doing both. By day I am working for a law firm doing relationship development for Ellis, Ged Bodden, P.A. I love my job and the people I work for and the people I work with. I love the providers that I meet with everyday and every opportunity I get I tell the partners how much fun I am having and I love my job. This month I had a lot of cancelled appointments. That will really put a damper in your day, your week and even your month. Not only do you lose the appointment you had scheduled, but you lose another appointment slot to reschedule the missed appointment. Overcoming that type of obstacle and staying motivated is not easy. Dr. Robert Shueller once said, "Tough times never last, but tough people do." So every day I must put on my happy face and go out there and conquer the world. My other job as a professional speaker, trainer and coach has its ups and downs like anything else even though speaking is my most favorite thing to do in the world. Going through a divorce this year really threw me off kilter and it's not easy to motivate others when you are not feeling very motivated.
I see doctors all day every day. I meet all kinds of doctors and see all kinds of practices. Some of the doctors complain they don't have enough business but are not really motivated to implement any suggestions as to how they can improve their situation. Are they resigned? Do they lack motivation? Perhaps it is in the attitude. If you have a positive attitude and believe that all of your small efforts could make the difference then perhaps that is what will motivate you!! Tommy Lasorda said, "The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination."
Recently, one of my sons moved home from Gainsville after completing his AA degree from Sante Fe College. He took a semester off and is working in a bar. He sleeps until 11:00 eats, drinks, smokes and then goes to the gym. He then comes home eats, drinks, smokes and goes to work. What kind of life is this for a 21 year old man with the world at his feet? What would it take to motivate this wonderful young man? He needs a plan - he needs a dream - he needs something to reach for so that he is motivated. Martin Luther King once said, "How quickly 'not now' becomes never." Taking a semester off worries me like it would any other parent. My son loves NCIS and for years has commented that he would love that line of work. Do you encourage your son to look into the NAVY?? Why not? Especially, if NCIS is what he is passionate about!! Mary Tyler Moore has said, "Having a dream is what keeps you alive. Overcoming the challenges makes life worth living." I will support my son in any decision he makes but encourage him to live life to the fullest. As James Dean once said, "Dream as if you'll live forever, and live as if you'll die today."
There is always one person in our lives that can give us support when we need it. There is always one person who is always chipper and motivates us to push ahead. For me that person is Colleen Sullivan, my friend, my coach and my sounding board. Find that one person that can be there for you and kick you when you need it to move forward and keep trying. On tomorrow's call at 2:00 please bring with you your Tips for staying motivated.
“We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, October 12, 2010
“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." - Marcel Proust
Tip 43 is on Are You The One? I have mixed feelings about the quote above. While am so grateful to all the people in my life that bring me happiness, I am a firm believer in being happy from within. I believe that we need to create our own happiness and then share that happiness with another person. That brings us to my new keynote topic called Are You The One? Not only what attributes you may be looking for in another person, but also the qualities you must possess in order to be a good mate. "Are You The One? 7 Must Have Attributes For Long Lasting Love."
1. TRUST- trust is the foundation of every relationship. Without trust there is nothing that you can build a relationship on. You must be a trustworthy person and the person who you are contemplating a relationship must be trustworthy a well. George MacDonald once said,"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved." Trust is something you earn one day at a time. It is not something that is just bestowed upon you because you are successful, attractive or smart. Once the trust is broken it is like a vase; you may be able to put it back together but it will never be the same.
2. INTEGRITY - integrity is the foundation of who you are inside. It is who you show up as in the world. It is your personal moral compass. In a relationship it is important to be able to count on the other person to do the right thing, say the right thing and always have your back. Integrity means that you can be counted on to walk your talk, not play games and be honest about how you feel and what you need in the relationship. I love this anonymous quote, "Having integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching."
3. PATIENCE - they say this is a virtue and I say it is a must. It is very difficult to talk with someone who has no patience. It is very difficult to work on a project together, pack for a vacation together, even getting to your destination together with a person who lacks patience. We need patience in our everyday lives to deal with our children, parents and the 80 year old driving on the road ahead of us. I love this anonymous quote, "Patience is the ability to cool off before you blast off."
4. COMPASSION - having empathy and compassion for others if a delightful quality. Most of the world is so self absorbed they have little compassion for even their own parents and siblings. Compassion is a feeling that comes from with in creating a desire to make a difference no matter how small in the life of another. Even just listening is a skill. My Uncle Les was telling me a story that he calls his 100 year old mother every week and from the minute she answers the phone for a good 20 minutes all she does is complain and complain and complain. He listens patiently and compassionately and agrees that she many woes. He loves his mother and he calls her every week. That is a perfect example of compassion.
5. COMMUNICATION - no one and I do mean no one likes the cold shoulder. There is nothing more annoying than someone who sulks and when you ask them what's wrong they say "nothing". We need good communication skills so that we can properly articulate our own feelings and needs. Another important part of good communication is the ability to really listen. Not every problem needs to be solved at the moment, but sometimes just getting "stuff" off your chest is good enough. Self awareness and trust in your own inner voice are needed in order for you to be a good communicator. If you don't know how you feel or what you need communication will be quite difficult. Also, how we communicate is important. Anger and dirty fighting destroy good communication. Here is a John Powell quote I like, "Communication works for those who work at it."
6. CONFIDENCE - a good relationship always starts with 2 secure people coming together to form one. In order to have a healthy relationship one must start with even a small level of self confidence in who they are, what they have to offer and what makes them unique and special. Confidence also allows for space in a relationship for each party to have their own interests, their own friends and their own time away from the core relationship. Insecurities will eventually cause resentment and destroy even the healthiest of relationships. Both people having confidence in a relationship usually sets the stage for a partnership, 2 equal people coming together, instead of a dictatorship. When you exude confidence controlling people tend to steer clear. Controlling people usually look for the needy insecure partners. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
7. AFFECTION - affection comes in all shapes and sizes. This is truly up to each individual to decide for themselves how much affection do they like, how often etc. Some people are always holding hands and kissing and hugging while others are not. Neither choice is right or wrong, but it is important to know what it is you like and find someone who has similar desires. Affection does not only mean sex it means many other things to many people. Some of us thrive on affection and some of us do not. Pindar once said, "Every gift which is given, even though it be small, is in reality great, if it is given with affection."
“Lust is easy. Love is Hard. Like is most important." - Carl Reiner
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, September 21, 2010
“If we are together nothing is impossible. If we are divided all will fail."
- Winston Churchill
Tip 40 is on Partnership At Its Finest. The best partnerships are like marriage and the best marriages are like a strong partnership. Finding the right partner is business or marriage is not easy, but when the connection is right anything is possible. When looking for the right partner it is important especially in business to look for those who are strong where you are weak. Great partners know how to leverage the strengths of their partnership for maximum results. Great partners appreciate one another, rely on each other and help to motivate the other.
There are all kinds of partnerships. Aristotle once said, "Friendship is essentially a partnership." Think about the friends you have; some of them are funny and some of them are resourceful. There are friends that will help you move and friends that you can call at 3:00 am. There are friends for all occasions and we learn to love our friends for who they are and for who they are not. Partnerships operate in the same way. Not everyone can be like you, act like you or do something the way you would do it. So we learn to tolerate each other, to have empathy for one another and to accept each others weaknesses.
I have a partnership with my children. Although I am the leader of the pack so to speak, I have created a partnership with them. I try not to dictate or control them because I want them to make their own decisions and learn from their own successes and failures. I can't do it for them - there is no short cut to growing up. I believe in the 3 R's of raising children. Create the Rules for the partnership, Reward your children for following the Rules and create Ramifications in they don't. Just like in a partnership there is always a partnership agreement. Joyce Maynard has said, "It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we can with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it myself." So with children as with partners we must set a good example and walk our talk.
Of course there are the formal business partners. This could either be the best partnership in the world or the worst. I have seen marriages end and friendships combust when they go into business together. One of the best partnerships in business I can think of is Bill Gates and Paul Allen. Together they built the largest computer company in the world. They were able to work together in a cohesive way that promoted each of their strengths to make Microsoft a huge success. They were also able to create partnerships with IBM which really catapulted them to a new level. Bill Gates himself has been quoted as saying, "Our success has really been based on partnerships from the very beginning." Their success was based on mutual respect and appreciation of the other. You have heard me say before, "No one who reaches the top got their by themselves." We all needs partnerships, alliances and joint efforts to help us make our dreams a reality.
Last but definitely not least is the marriage partnership. This is a partnership intended to last a lifetime. Spending a lifetime with one other person will take much hard work and persistence. One of my favorite marriage quotes by Barbara De Angelis is, "Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day." Successful marriages like any partnership thrive on appreciation, mutual respect, good communication and trust. (For any of you local here in sunny South Florida, my friend Tim Kellis is offering a FREE marriage workshop - see information listed below).
“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership." - Ann Landers
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, September 14, 2010
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free." - Catherine Ponder
Tip 39 is on Forgiveness. Forgiveness is a very difficult subject. When we are hurt it is sometimes so very hard to forgive. Yet, most people will tell you that forgiveness sets you free. How do you forgive? How do you forgive and forget? I have found a place within myself to achieve forgiveness, but there is no way that I can forget. My Aunt Joan used to always say, "You hurt me once shame on you, you hurt me twice shame on me." I think that although I have found the ability to forgive and I never been able to forget. John F. Kennedy once said, "Forgive your enemies, but don't forget their names."
We learn forgiveness from our parents. We would inevitably do something wrong and even though there was a consequence to our actions our parents still loved us unconditionally (or I hope at least that was your experience). I see that I have learned the lesson well because I unconditionally love my children. I may not always like their choices or agree with there decisions, but I do love them no matter what. Actually, forgiving my parents after years of holding onto old resentments really was the culmination and highlight of all my inner work thus far. Coming to the realization that my parents did the best they could and loved me as much as they were possibly capable of loving allowed me to remove a huge burden I had been carrying around for years. Forgiving my parents allowed for me to start having healthier relationships. Paul Boese once said, "Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."
We have all had experiences where someone has done us wrong, stabbed us in the back, betrayed a confidence or was not there for us when we needed them. In a spiritual sense I always try to remember that our hand always faces in and that most people are always looking out for themselves. It is rare to meet someone who will ALWAYS put your needs in front of their own. So we get hurt, enraged and disappointed and then go on with our lives getting to be right about our feelings, justifying to others why we are no longer speaking to that person and quite often deep inside we miss them. Remember this quote by Mahatma Ghandi, "The weak never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." This is a great quote and one that I reflect on often. I do consider myself a strong person and therefore, I too can forgive.
Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation or acceptance. It does not mean that we want that person back in our lives again. It just means that we want to move on. We want to unburden the load we have been carrying around and let go of the anger that we feel. It is our choice to forgive and we don't necessarily even have to tell the other person that we are forgiving them. However, Oscar Wilde has said, "Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much." and Isaac Friedmann said, "Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge."
Either way I can personally attest to the fact that forgiveness can set you free. It can also be a game that you play. I believe, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." There have been many times that I have met people who needed some TLC or what I refer to as killing them with kindness. I am also firm believer in never ever stooping to someone else's level. I always want to come out on top with my integrity in check smelling like a rose. And when all else fails, take pity on your opponent.
“Forgiveness will not be possible until compassion is born in your heart." - Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master
