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Thank you Tammy for sharing the secrets of your success in business and relationship building. You have truly inspired me to take my business to the next level!

- Dick Sundel, Full Service House Sitting LLC

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Tammy's Tips

Patience

Tammy Saltzman - Wednesday, March 02, 2011

“Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement, and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook which eventually leads to success."        - Brian Adams 

Tip 60 is on Patience. I have heard it said many times that we often teach what we need to learn the most. Going back to a Tip from last year called Patience is a Virtue I realized that I claimed to be a patient person. That claim might not really be totally true and it is time for me to come clean. The proverb, "Patience is a virtue", is one that I aspire to master in all areas of my life. I also notice that there are some things that I am more patient with than others. I was patient when going to school to earn first my bachelor's degree and then my law degree. I was patient when building my home and carefully selecting all of the furnishings. Yet, as I participate in these areas of my life, the day to day management style is one of I want what I want and I know what I want and when I want it I want it now or yesterday if at all possible. So St. Francis de Sales said it right when he said, "Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself."

So when I was in college I knew exactly what classes I wanted to take and what time I needed to take those classes. I did not dilly dally and was never a big fan of dropping or switching classes. I was focused and assured and moved full steam ahead with the decisions I made and the direction I was headed. I never changed my major and everything from the LSAT to the Bar exam was timed in perfect harmony toward the end goal. Undergrad took 7 years part time while I worked full time and law school was another 3 years, so many would say that I did exhibit patience. Barbara Johnson really explains it well, "Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears." If I could I would have finished college in 3 years instead of 7, but I did what I could and patiently waited for the credits to add up so I could graduate. I really lose patience when others around me are not as focused. Both my stepsons took a semester off from college in 2010 to "figure things out" and are now on their own 6 year college plan and not sure of what they want to do with their lives so they are majoring in business. Our children always try our patience.

When I decorated my house I never took my mom or a friend for a second opinion. I knew what I liked and what I didn't like. Sometimes I would take something home to select a fabric or carpet and just to make sure the colors worked, but I was decisive and matter of fact. My home is beautiful and as I look around I have a real sense of pride. Not everyone is like that though.  Some people we all know can never make a decision. They hem and they haw and they ask everyone and their brother what they think before they ever make a decision. I have no patience for people like that. I am the same way with shoes and clothes. I either like it or I don't. There is a Chinese Proverb that says, "All good things come to those who wait." Wait for what though and why do we have to wait for all good things?  Why can't we have all good things now!!! The late George Jackson once said, "Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice." 

In business we need to practice patience every single day. Patience with our partners, our bosses and our employees. Our coworkers are always trying our patience and let's face it we spend more time with them than we do with our own families. You have heard me say so many times that the client/customer is always right and boy do you need to have a lot of patience when it comes to making sure the customer is always happy. I like this quote by Lord Chesterfield, "Patience is a most necessary qualification for business; many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request."  I so believe this to be true. I have found that when a client has been unhappy in the past if I take the time to really listen and hear their point of view it is enough to calm the waters down once again. I think that Sir Isaac Newton probably said it best, "If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent." WOW I find that profound.

I am now learning that I have little patience for the dating game. I used to be quite good at it back in the day before I was married. Now my time is limited and my needs are very different. I love  the institution of marriage and like having a partner in life. I have no patience for the games and they getting to know you stage - even though it is a lot of fun. Again, I know what I like and I know what I want and this is not a dress rehearsal. My grandma, Redmama,  used to say, "Men are like buses another one comes by every few minutes." The problem is who has time to inspect bus after bus after bus. We all know that relationships aren't easy and in the end if it is meant to be it will be. So all I could do is relax, be patient and enjoy the ride. Here is another great quote, "The secret of patience is doing something else in the meanwhile." That is all fine and good, but when you do meet someone that you really like you want it more and you want it now. Patience in areas of the heart is never easy.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. An the point is to live everything. Live the questions." - Rainer Maria Rilke
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Consideration

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, February 08, 2011

“Your greatness is measured by your kindness; your education and intellect by your modesty; your ignorance is betrayed by your suspicions and prejudices, and your real caliber is measured by the consideration and tolerance you have for others." - William J. H. Boetcker

Tip 57 is on Consideration. The word consideration can be used in a multitude of ways. Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word consideration as follows: "the act of considering; careful thought or attention; deliberation; thoughful or sympathetic regard for others; something that is, or should be considered; a thought or opinion produced by consideration; regard, esteem, importance; a recompense, as for services rendered, fee, compensation; something of value given in exchange for something of value given or done by another, inducement for a contract." WOW!!! For purposes of this Tip we are going to focus on consideration of others - more specifically, thoughful or sympathetic regard for others.

So are you someone who is considerate of others? In order to be considerate of others we must be thoughtful of another or be able to sympathize with them. Didn't Confucius once say, "Do not judge me until you walk a mile in my shoes."? When I became a full time step mother and someone from the outside would criticize me, especially the in-laws, I would say, you try raising 3 children who don't belong to you and see how easy it is. People can easily cast stones or pass judgment without first being empathetic and considerate of the person they are judging. I am a firm believe in trying to really imagine what it would be like to be in that person's shoes - how would I react to their circumstances, how would I communicate and what would I say? Confucius also said, "Consideration for others is the basic of a good life, a good society."

Consideration is very important in business. Owners of companies always need to be considerate of their staff as well as considerate of their vendors.  Let's also not forget how important it is to be considerate of the patrons that bring income to the business. I am sure if you are a business owner you have heard the saying, "The customer is always right." That sounds like red carpet consideration or said a different way, conderation at its finest. Even when we are faced with an unhappy client sometimes all it takes is a little consideration of the client's woes and they immediately feel appreciated. We all want to feel appreciated and when we are considerate of others they cannot help but feel appreciated. I have always found that instead of asking someone to do something for me it always sounded better asking someone for help to do something. When your staff see that you too are willing to pitch in and help they are much more likely to fully participate and embrace the team spirit.  Margaret Chase Smith said,"Every human being is entitled to courtesy and consideration. Constructive criticism is not only to be expected but sought."

Sometimes we form strong opinions and stand strong in our positions. Consideration of others sometimes means hearing other peoples' opinions and trying them on, like a sweater, before completely dismissing their point of view. I am someone who is very strong in their opinions and I can often bump heads with someone who is also strong in their opposing position.  We can argue till the cows fly over the moon and it doesn't mean that I am right and they are wrong.  It also does not mean that I am wrong and they are right.  All it means is that we have opposing views and we are each entitled to our own beliefs. We can agree to disagree. Better yet, how about agreeing to sleep on it for a day or too.  Perhaps a little more research is needed. Perhaps speaking to a few other people can help to clarify some issues. I love this quote by Benjamin Franklin, "For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged, by better information or fuller consideration, to change opinions, even on important subjects, which I once though right but found to be otherwise." So even sometimes, we may change our minds after careful consideration. Wow - how awesome is that.

Consideration in family relationships is always important too. Remember this quote by Bryant H. McGill, "Courteousness is consideration for others; politeness is the method used to deliver such considerations." Children must have consideration for their parents and parents need to have consideration for their children. Most important is in marriages - it is so very important to have consideration for your spouse. Failing to have consideration could destroy any marriage. So children must be taught to respect their parents, tell the truth, and follow the rules of the household. Parents worry and regardless of how old you are you are still your mother's baby. So remember to call your mom when she is sitting home waiting for you. Just a small little effort can make a mom feel appreciated because you are being considerate.  Same goes for parents and their children. Do not expose your children to things or people that are not good for them, tell your children the truth - they know when you are lying, be respective of their needs and wants so when your daughter invites you to the school dance know that it is really important to her. Consideration of a spouse is a must and I am sure that the happiest and longest marriages are built on mutual trust, respect and consideration.

When we go back and look at The Ten Commandments - they are basic human rules for a harmonious existence. Those commandments set out rules for everyone to follow so that the people of the world can co-exist together.  These ten simple rules are so basic that every single person can follow them if they so desire. Just imagine...., everyone on earth following the ten commandments, everyone living in harmony, everyone being considerate of each other. I love this quote by Dwight D. Eisenhower, "Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace."

“A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference." - Winnie the Pooh
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Being Careful

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, February 01, 2011
“Be careful what you water your dreams with.  Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nuture your dreams." - Lao Tzu

Tip 56 is on Being Careful. Are you someone who tends to be careful and cautious or are you someone that jumps in with both feet and throws caution to the wind?  There is a good arguement for both perspectives.  Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word careful as follows, "acting or working in a thoughtful, painstaking way; cautious, wary, or guarded."  And the word carefree as, "free from troubles or worry." I do believe that there is a time to be careful and a time to be carefree. Feeling carefree is a gift that we should all enjoy whenever we can and it is usually a reward that we get from being careful. Ben Franklin once said, "Distrust and caution are the parents of security." It is only when we feels most secure that we can throw caution to the wind and enjoy a carefree moment.

As a lawyer it is really my job to look for all the things that can go wrong. It is our job as attorneys to let our clients know what is their worst case scenario. We are trained to look at the upside and weight it against the downside. It is our job to make sure that the client knows the worst possible outcome of each decision they make so that they can make an educated decision. I try hard not to be this pessimistic in my real world, but when a client pays you to play the devils advocate it is our ethical responsibility to perform. Ralph Waldo Emerson will remind us, "A man is usually more careful of his money that he is of his principles."

In business we are always cautious.  Buying businesses, taking in partners, hiring employees, and securing vendors. It's a risky business out there and checking out the reputation of the people we do business with makes perfect sense. With today's technology everyone's information is just a click away on Google. The Better Business Buereau and Daily Business Review have all their records available on line. Court records and deeds are all public documents that are now available on line at most court houses throughout the United States. When is comes to financial matters we need to be as careful as possible. Not only do we consult our lawyers, but we now consult our CPA's, financial planners, and our estate planners. Unfortunately, no matter how careful we are are many of life's lessons end up costing us money. Do your best to try and learn the expensive lessons from the mistakes of others. Remember this by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Every step of life shows much caution is required." I think that is another way of saying the older we get the more jaded we become.

As a parent I am always cautioning my children to be careful. We start when they are very young. Don't touch the stove, look both ways when you cross.  Be careful!! We are worried for our children and don't want them to get hurt. Even as adults our parents are worried and still tell us to be careful. Adam's mom Joan just told him to be careful when he told her all about me this past week. I have heard the same advice as well from my well meaning friends and family. Joan doesn't know me and my friends don't know Adam, but everyone says the same thing, "We are so happy for you. Go slow, be careful." When it comes to matters of the heart it is so much harder to be careful. The excitement and the hope take over and just sweep you off your feet.  Aren't we all looking for ever lasting love?? Bertrand Russell once said, "Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness." Yet e.e.cummings reminds us, "Be of love a little more careful than of anything." I would like to think that what he meant was that once you find love be careful with it, preserve it and cherish it so that you don't lose it. Sorry Joan, it's too late - if it doesn't work out it will probably hurt, but if it does work out - G-d bless and thank you Lisa.

“It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution." - Alvin  Toffler 
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Patience Is A Virtue

Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, September 28, 2010

“Patience is waiting.  Not passively waiting.  That is laziness.  But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience." - Anonymous

Tip 41 is on Patience Is A Virtue.  I consider myself a patient person most of the time.  My children often test my patience as does stupidity.  Webster's New World College Dictionary defines Patience as, "the state, quality or fact of being patient; the will or ability to wait or endure without complaint; steadiness, endurance or perseverance in the performance of a task." In life there are many obstacles that test our patience.  Last Friday was the day of tests for me.

The day started off having to pick up my son early from school so that we could head to the airport for a weekend wedding in NY.  When I got to the school and the office called his class they were in the middle of a test.  Please wait 15 minutes until the test is finished.  Ben Franklin once said, "He that can have patience, can have what he will."  Then I headed off to pick up copies that needed to be delivered in Fort Lauderdale.  Since I was heading to the Fort Lauderdale airport I thought kill two birds with one stone and save myself a trip on Monday. Well, the copies weren't ready and there was no time to waste.  As I headed South on I95 the sky opened up and the rain began.  Not just rain though, torrential downpours. Everyone slowed to a snails pace and minute by minute we made our way to the airport.  As we arrived, we were rushed to board quickly before the storm reached the airport.  The pilot was trying to avoid an additional delay until the storm passed over.  As we arrived in the NY area we started circling and circling only to be told that we were not able to land because all the VIP delegates from the United Nation summit were gearing up to leave on their private jets and JFK was now closed until further notice.  Off to Hartford, CT to refuel and sit andwait.  Our plane was 3 hours late arriving at JFK.  I had just spent 6 1/2 hours in closed quarters with my 9 year old son who was hungry, cranky and tired.  I did try to make the best of it.  My poor brother was waiting at the airport for my arrival.  Several passengers missed connecting flights.  We make plans and G-d laughs.  As Alexandre Dumas Pere once said,"All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope."

I have often had my patience tested on the road.  Here in Florida we have numerous elderly who can barely see over the steering wheel. I have observed that men seem to have less patience than women when it comes to driving.  Mac McClearly said, "Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead."  Think about that for a moment and it really is quite funny and so true.  I am always saying to myself, move over and let me pass.  It will take a lot though for me to lose my cool. I often say, "Patience is ability to count down from ten before you blast off."

When I feel that feeling come over me I try to take a few deep breaths. Saint Augustine has said, "Patience is the companion of wisdom."  I consider myself wise so I try to focus on things I am grateful for which brings me into another space.  An example would be that my son and I were on an adventure.  I was grateful I had gotten him McDonald's on the way to the airport.  I was grateful we had an extra seat between us.  I was grateful that the DSD, PSP and I-Touch were all fully charged. And finally, I was grateful that NY was my final destination and I wasn't missing a connecting flight.  When I focused on all that I was grateful for I was able to breath a little easier and be more playful with my son.  I was very happy when we finally got off that plane. We are always tested in life and it is how we react to certain situations that really determine who we are as human beings.  It's easy to be patient when everything is going your way. Your true character comes out though when things run amuck.

So how will you react next time your patience is tested?  How will you show up?  Remember that Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy once said, "The two most powerful warriors are patience and time." How will you react the next time your kids ask you one million questions relentlessly after a long day at the office?  How will you react the next time you go into a restaurant and the waitress takes 20 minutes to come to your table?  How will you react when someone cuts you off on the highway?  Try to look at the positive side of things.  Your kids are so brilliant for asking so many questions.  Rejoice in their curiosity!!  Perhaps your waitress was washing her hands so that she would serve your food in a sanitary manner. The person who cuts you off is doing you a favor by helping you to avoid an accident that could have come your way had they not cut you off.  Who knows if any of it is true, but it sure beats playing the victim. Getting angry and wondering why do these things always happen to you is a total waste of time.  Maybe things keep happening to you so that you finally learn the lesson of patience.  I will end with one of my favorite quotes of all time...,

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.  Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.  And the point is to live everything.  Live the questions."  - Rainer Maria Rilke
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