Tammy Saltzman - Wednesday, June 22, 2011
“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." -Anonymous
"He who burns his bridges better be a damn good swimmer." - Proverb
Tip 53 is on Burning Bridges. To burn or not to burn is the question? Are you someone who burns bridges or you someone who never burns a bridge. I am sure that we have already talked about this topic once before, but we can all think about this topic again. For me, I am a firm believer in never burning bridges. I have come to learn in my life that you just never know when you might need to cross that bridge again and if you burn it you can never go back. Of course, there are always circumstances that might warrant such drastic action, but those are far and few.
So, why burn the bridge in the first place? There could be many reasons to burn a bridge, but we should exam the reasons. Make a list of all the people in your life that you have cut off - never to be spoken to again. Jot a note beside each name to see why you have decided to burn that bridge. If someone wronged you: slept with your spouse, stole money from your accounts, etc., you are justified. "If you hurt me once shame on you, but if you hurt me twice shame on me." We can cut those people out that lie, cheat and steal. Who needs their bad karma around us? You can also eliminate people who treat others with no respect. I once had a friend that I met through another couple. We would go out together as couples for dinner. Every single time we went out this friend would be nasty to the restaraunt personnel, rude to the valet and then spend most of the night emasculating her husband. FInally, after about 5-6 dinners with this couple I refused to go out with them anymore. Believe it or not when she asked why I told her the truth.
A lot of times we burn bridges because we don't get our way and we get angry. Elliott Larson said it best, "Anger always comes from frustrated expectations." Hearing the word "no" can really set a lot of people off and then we say or do things out of anger that has the potential to burn the bridge even if it's not what we intended. This often happens with the people we love most - like our children. This past week one of my children was finally moving out and getting his own place. He is 21 years old and when his dad and I got married he was 9 and he and his siblings came to live with me. This past year he has been living with me even though his dad has not. When I asked him to move out because things were not really working out for me he got angry and told me I am not his mother, never will be his mother, and never ever to call him again. He is lucky I love him unconditionally or I may have allowed him to burn that bridge. Unfortunately, he took advantage and didn't really appreciate the opportunity I provided living home with me. He felt entitled. I love this quote by Marian Wright Edelman, "Don't feel entitled to anything you didn't sweat and struggle for." And here is a great quote from William James, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." Regardless, be careful of cutting people of your life just because you couldn't get your way.
Sometimes we burn bridges in business. The most common mistake is burning a relationship with one of our customers. Trust me when I tell you there is no amount of money in the world that you could pay to counteract bad press from even one other person out there carrying a vendetta. The price you would need to pay to make the customer happy and satisfied is so much less than the damage one unhappy customer is capable of doing. Always, always, always try to go the extra mile to satifisy even the most difficult of customers. Sometimes it's not fair and the customer is not right, but it is so much better to have a happy customer than to have an unhappy one. In business, the customer is always, always, always right. Remember this quote by Dennis Wholey, "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegitarian." Life isn't always fair and sometimes we need to come out of pocket to make someone happy.
“Maturity is: The ability to stock with a job until it's finished; The abilility to do a job without being supervised; The ability to carry money without spending it; and The ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even." - Abigail Van Buren
Tammy Saltzman - Wednesday, March 02, 2011
“Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement, and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook which eventually leads to success." - Brian Adams
Tip 60 is on Patience. I have heard it said many times that we often teach what we need to learn the most. Going back to a Tip from last year called Patience is a Virtue I realized that I claimed to be a patient person. That claim might not really be totally true and it is time for me to come clean. The proverb, "Patience is a virtue", is one that I aspire to master in all areas of my life. I also notice that there are some things that I am more patient with than others. I was patient when going to school to earn first my bachelor's degree and then my law degree. I was patient when building my home and carefully selecting all of the furnishings. Yet, as I participate in these areas of my life, the day to day management style is one of I want what I want and I know what I want and when I want it I want it now or yesterday if at all possible. So St. Francis de Sales said it right when he said, "Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself."
So when I was in college I knew exactly what classes I wanted to take and what time I needed to take those classes. I did not dilly dally and was never a big fan of dropping or switching classes. I was focused and assured and moved full steam ahead with the decisions I made and the direction I was headed. I never changed my major and everything from the LSAT to the Bar exam was timed in perfect harmony toward the end goal. Undergrad took 7 years part time while I worked full time and law school was another 3 years, so many would say that I did exhibit patience. Barbara Johnson really explains it well, "Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears." If I could I would have finished college in 3 years instead of 7, but I did what I could and patiently waited for the credits to add up so I could graduate. I really lose patience when others around me are not as focused. Both my stepsons took a semester off from college in 2010 to "figure things out" and are now on their own 6 year college plan and not sure of what they want to do with their lives so they are majoring in business. Our children always try our patience.
When I decorated my house I never took my mom or a friend for a second opinion. I knew what I liked and what I didn't like. Sometimes I would take something home to select a fabric or carpet and just to make sure the colors worked, but I was decisive and matter of fact. My home is beautiful and as I look around I have a real sense of pride. Not everyone is like that though. Some people we all know can never make a decision. They hem and they haw and they ask everyone and their brother what they think before they ever make a decision. I have no patience for people like that. I am the same way with shoes and clothes. I either like it or I don't. There is a Chinese Proverb that says, "All good things come to those who wait." Wait for what though and why do we have to wait for all good things? Why can't we have all good things now!!! The late George Jackson once said, "Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice."
In business we need to practice patience every single day. Patience with our partners, our bosses and our employees. Our coworkers are always trying our patience and let's face it we spend more time with them than we do with our own families. You have heard me say so many times that the client/customer is always right and boy do you need to have a lot of patience when it comes to making sure the customer is always happy. I like this quote by Lord Chesterfield, "Patience is a most necessary qualification for business; many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request." I so believe this to be true. I have found that when a client has been unhappy in the past if I take the time to really listen and hear their point of view it is enough to calm the waters down once again. I think that Sir Isaac Newton probably said it best, "If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent." WOW I find that profound.
I am now learning that I have little patience for the dating game. I used to be quite good at it back in the day before I was married. Now my time is limited and my needs are very different. I love the institution of marriage and like having a partner in life. I have no patience for the games and they getting to know you stage - even though it is a lot of fun. Again, I know what I like and I know what I want and this is not a dress rehearsal. My grandma, Redmama, used to say, "Men are like buses another one comes by every few minutes." The problem is who has time to inspect bus after bus after bus. We all know that relationships aren't easy and in the end if it is meant to be it will be. So all I could do is relax, be patient and enjoy the ride. Here is another great quote, "The secret of patience is doing something else in the meanwhile." That is all fine and good, but when you do meet someone that you really like you want it more and you want it now. Patience in areas of the heart is never easy.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. An the point is to live everything. Live the questions." - Rainer Maria Rilke
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, February 22, 2011
“Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction." - John Crosby
Tip 59 is on Mentors. If you are someone who is lucky enough to have found good mentors in your life then you are a very lucky person. Mentors have the ability to change a persons reality. Sometimes, even when you don't believe in yourself a good mentor who does believe in you can swoop in and save the day. It was my mother who first told me I could anything I set my mind to, but it was my Papa Joe who really believed in me. He would look at me with these knowing looks and tell me, "Kid, I have faith in you. I know that you could do it." I always went to Papa Joe when I needed advice and guidance and he was always quick to offer me support. He even offered to pay my home mortgage during my first year in law school because he believed in me and wanted to contribute. My Aunt Jackie paid for all my books during law school - she too was so proud of me and wanted to show her support. On graduation day - I was the one who earned the JD degree, but I could not have done it without the emotional and financial support of my grandparents, parents and extended family.
Successful people quickly realize that there is no express train to the top of the ladder. It takes hard work and the quick advice of many mentors along the way. Navigating the road to success does not come without roadblocks, obstacles and set backs. Many of the mistakes we make cost us money, business, and sometimes even relationships. Finding the right mentors to help guide you through can sometimes make all the difference. James A. Autry once said, "Make something of yourself. Try your best to get to the top, if that's where you want to go, but know that the more people you try to take with you, the faster you'll get there, and the longer you'll stay there." Once you are at the top giving that knowledge to others helps groom the next generation for success. Marsha Blackburn said it best, "Everyone has a transferable commodity - knowledge. Sharing your unique expertise and making introductions for someone creates a lasting legacy."
My very dear friend Richie was my very first business mentor. He really taught me everything he knew about selling. He taught me the art of selling. Drawing them in, filling a need, and even getting to the close. The skills that he taught me 30 years ago are still with me every single day. It has made me a better lawyer, a better speaker, and a better mentor. Helping others to be the best that they can be has been very rewarding. Benjamin Disraeli has said, "The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches but to reveal to him his own." I have mentored many over the years especially the daughters of my dear friends who were thinking of law school. I am quick to forward resumes and letters of recommendation. Anything I can do to help someone else achieve their own dreams brings me enormous pleasure. Remember this quote by Winston Churchill, "We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give."
In business we always need good mentors. I often encourage others to seek out their biggest competitor to ask them for their secrets to success. You would be surprised how much your competition is willing to share with you. Andy Rooney said it best, "I've learned that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am." Only once in my whole career, did another female lawyer tell me to use my brain when I asked for some help with my first commercial real estate contract. I though she was beyond rude and I never once sent her a referral, but I learned the importance of mentoring others. I love this Japanese proverb, "Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher." If someone you know needs a little help, please don't tell them to use their brain. They are calling you and asking for help because their brain cannot yet comprehend the material.
As parents it is important to act as a mentor to your children. Forget the do as I say not as I do stuff. That won't work in today's society and the best way to teach our children is through example. Walk your talk and tow the line. Earvin "Magic" Johnson once said, "All kids need a little help, a little hope, and someone who believes in them." Be a parent not a friend when necessary and most importantly teach your children respect and appreciation. Two very valuable moral qualities that will help them to search out mentors in their lives, appreciate those mentors, and then hopefully if they learned how to share, share those lessons with others. Remember this anonymous quote, "A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because some else thought they could."
“One of the things I keep learning is that the secret of being happy is doing things for other people." - Dick Gregory
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, February 01, 2011
“Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nuture your dreams." - Lao Tzu
Tip 56 is on Being Careful. Are you someone who tends to be careful and cautious or are you someone that jumps in with both feet and throws caution to the wind? There is a good arguement for both perspectives. Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word careful as follows, "acting or working in a thoughtful, painstaking way; cautious, wary, or guarded." And the word carefree as, "free from troubles or worry." I do believe that there is a time to be careful and a time to be carefree. Feeling carefree is a gift that we should all enjoy whenever we can and it is usually a reward that we get from being careful. Ben Franklin once said, "Distrust and caution are the parents of security." It is only when we feels most secure that we can throw caution to the wind and enjoy a carefree moment.
As a lawyer it is really my job to look for all the things that can go wrong. It is our job as attorneys to let our clients know what is their worst case scenario. We are trained to look at the upside and weight it against the downside. It is our job to make sure that the client knows the worst possible outcome of each decision they make so that they can make an educated decision. I try hard not to be this pessimistic in my real world, but when a client pays you to play the devils advocate it is our ethical responsibility to perform. Ralph Waldo Emerson will remind us, "A man is usually more careful of his money that he is of his principles."
In business we are always cautious. Buying businesses, taking in partners, hiring employees, and securing vendors. It's a risky business out there and checking out the reputation of the people we do business with makes perfect sense. With today's technology everyone's information is just a click away on Google. The Better Business Buereau and Daily Business Review have all their records available on line. Court records and deeds are all public documents that are now available on line at most court houses throughout the United States. When is comes to financial matters we need to be as careful as possible. Not only do we consult our lawyers, but we now consult our CPA's, financial planners, and our estate planners. Unfortunately, no matter how careful we are are many of life's lessons end up costing us money. Do your best to try and learn the expensive lessons from the mistakes of others. Remember this by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Every step of life shows much caution is required." I think that is another way of saying the older we get the more jaded we become.
As a parent I am always cautioning my children to be careful. We start when they are very young. Don't touch the stove, look both ways when you cross. Be careful!! We are worried for our children and don't want them to get hurt. Even as adults our parents are worried and still tell us to be careful. Adam's mom Joan just told him to be careful when he told her all about me this past week. I have heard the same advice as well from my well meaning friends and family. Joan doesn't know me and my friends don't know Adam, but everyone says the same thing, "We are so happy for you. Go slow, be careful." When it comes to matters of the heart it is so much harder to be careful. The excitement and the hope take over and just sweep you off your feet. Aren't we all looking for ever lasting love?? Bertrand Russell once said, "Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness." Yet e.e.cummings reminds us, "Be of love a little more careful than of anything." I would like to think that what he meant was that once you find love be careful with it, preserve it and cherish it so that you don't lose it. Sorry Joan, it's too late - if it doesn't work out it will probably hurt, but if it does work out - G-d bless and thank you Lisa.
“It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution." - Alvin Toffler
Tammy Saltzman - Monday, January 31, 2011
“None of us got where we are solely by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. We got here because somebody - a parent, a teacher, an Ivy League crony or a few nuns - bent down and helped us pick up our boots."- Thurgood Marshall
Tip 54 is on Appreciation. Specifically appreciation of other people in your life that really made a difference. Many people come and go into our lives everyday, but every now and then we are moved by the acts of others. Look back and see who is it that really impacted your life in one way or the other. The impact could even be bad, but what we actually learned was good. Have we said "thank you" to the people that have made some lasting impression? I started thinking about this as I prepared for the International Speech Contest tomorrow at Toastmasters. I am doing my speech about my dad and all the lessons that I have learned from him and how much I appreciate all that I learned. I can't call my dad to say thank you, but I can honor his memory by keeping his name (Saltzman) and using all that I learned from him for good. I love this quote by John F. Kennedy, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."
As I started to think about all my appreciation I have for my dad, I started realizing that in the last few days I have been very appreciative. My dear friend Monty invited me to one of his infamous wine dinners. The food and wine was delicious, the company delightful, and a good time was had by all. Another dear friend Lisa set me up on a blind date Saturday night. The date happened to be one of the best blind dates I ever had, but regardless, I was so appreciative that she thought of me and passed my number along. I tried to express my appreciation by sending Monty an email the next morning and texting Lisa some of the details from my Saturday night date. Remember, Mark Kay Ash once said, "Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don't keep it a secret." As far as love is concerned, Alexander Smith reminds us, "Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition." Hence, the great date with Adam.
You are always hearing me talk about how much I love my job and the firm that I work for, Ellis, Ged & Bodden, P.A. Yes, I am constantly appreciating my working situation, but it means nothing if I don't communicate it to the people I work for and the people I work with. I am always telling my boss how much I love my job and how much fun I have every single day. I truly believe this quote by William James, "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." And if there is ever a time that you don't appreciate your job, please remember this quote by Oscar Wilde, "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." And if you are a business owner that happens to have great employees, remember they too want to be appreciated. Sam Walton, founder of Walmart, really said it best, "Appreciate everything your associates do for the business. Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well timed, sincere words of praise. They're absolutely free and worth a fortune."
So, as I was sitting here writing my Tip my son's tutor came in to provide me with the weekly progress report for Brandon. Greg Yodowitz, like most teachers is under paid and under appreciated. Teachers are responsible for our children's futures. Teachers never get enough appreciation. Mr. Yodowitz, we love you, thanks for making a difference in Brandon's education. Dan Rather said it best, "The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometime poking you with a sharp stick called truth." So really, please act immediately to this anonymous quote, "If you can read this, go thank a teacher." If you live in the Boca Raton area and are looking for a good tutor see Mr. Yodowitz's contact information below.
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." Fredierick Keonig
Tammy Saltzman - Monday, January 24, 2011
“We tell lies when we are afraid...afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger." _ Tad Williams
Tip 54 is on Honesty. My favorite, Webster's New World College Dictionary defines the word honesty as, "the state or quality of being honest; a refraining from lying, cheating or stealing; a being truthful, trustworthy, or upright; sincereity, fairness, straightforwardness." Are you someone who always tells the truth? Or are you someone who tells white lies? Are you someone that justifies telling little white lies to save someone's feelings? Take a good long look at what others would say about you. Are you someone who can be trusted or not? That is a huge question!!! The answer means everything and says everything about your reputation out there in the real world. I am brutely honest to a fault. This proverb totally describes me, "If you truly want honesty, don't ask the questions you don't really want the answers to." Yes, sometimes the truth does hurt, but I would much rather cause a small hurt by telling the truth then causing a huge ongoing hurt because I lied.
This anonymous quote says it all, "Once a liar, always a liar." Once someone lies to you, how could you ever ever ever trust them again. Every single time they say anything to you after they are caught lying, you can't help but wonder if they are lying again. My mom used to always say, "It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation and 15 seconds to destroy it." It is in those 15 seconds that you decide to tell a lie instead of telling the truth. Most of the time when we lie it is because it is easier, or so we think, to tell the lie. So instead of saying, I'm tired tonight and not in the mood to go out to dinner - we say sorry my kid is sick. I am not sure why some of us think it is easier to lie because now days later when you speak with that friend you need to remember that you told them the kid was sick and the lying continues when they ask you how your kid is feeling. I love this Spencer Johnson quote, "Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people." Integrity also means not looking for loopholes to justify your lies.
Many years ago when I took the original EST Training, I was 15 years old, and I decided right there and then to never ever tell a lie again. I decided that I wanted to be someone who others could trust. I wanted to have a reputation of honor and integrity. William Shakespeare said it best, "Honest is the best policy. If I lose mine honor, I lose myself." It is so much easier to just tell the truth and deal with the ramifications at the time. It takes so much more effort to lie. Here is another great quote, this time by Mark Twain, "If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."
White lies never hurt anyone..., How many times have you heard that. It might not hurt the person you are lying to, but it definitely hurts you. You become known as someone who doesn't tell the truth. You are someone who tells white lies. I love this quote by Austin O'Malley, "Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color blind." We make excuses for our small white lies and justify our actions by saying we are saving another person's feelings. Remember this yiddish proverb, "A half truth is a whole lie." It is never easier to just tell a small white lie.
We have all heard this quote before, "Actions speak louder than words." How about, "Children learn from example." Think about this. Your children will grow up and emulate you as best as they can. How do you want your children to view you? They know the truth - they are always an earshot away. They know in their hearts whether you are a parent who tells the truth or not. Think about this quote from Roy L. Smith, "We are apt to forget that children watch examples better that they listen to preaching." And here is another great quote to remember from Clarence Businton Kelland, "My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it." Keep this in mind next time you are on the phone or at a store or you have company over and your children are there to watch, to hear and to learn from your example. Be the kind of parent that sets a good example for your children. Teach them to tell the truth! Always remember this quote by William Shakespeare, "No legacy is so rich as honesty."
“To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; to be credible we must be truthful." - Edward R. Murrow
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, December 28, 2010
“Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering invovled, not in the victory itself." - Mahatma Gandi
Tip 52 is on Happy Happy Joy Joy!!! Tis the season to be joyful and what a great quote to start this tip with. This is the time of year we are usually setting our new goals for the next year and making resolutions. I recommend that you all take some time to look back over the past year and look for the Happy Happy Joy Joy that you all experienced. Look at all of your accomplishments, all the new connections you made and friendships that you formed. Look at all the things that others did for you this year and all the things that you did for others. WOW - what a year it has been. Please pat yourself right now on the back, yes right now, and feel the joy from accomplishing all that you accomplished. I love this anonymous quote, "Joy springs from within; no one makes you joyous; you choose joyfulness."
When I look back at the last year I can honestly say that things did not really turn out for me as I had expected. Never in a million years did I think I would be getting divorced. I can sit at home and cry over all the lost dreams and sulk about how lonely I am without someone to kiss on New Years. But there is no joy in that!! Marianne Williamson, whom I love, once said, "Joy is what happens when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things are. Joy is not necessarily what happens when things unfold according to our plans." How true that is, we are busy making plans and they don't always work out exactly as we planned. So instead of focusing on how my marriage did not work out, I would rather focus on the good. Spending last year at home with my soon to be ex was horrible. We were invited to my friend Lisa's and at the last minute my ex threw a fit and didn't want to go. Not wanting to leave him alone, I stayed home too. He went to bed mad, I was sad and lonely, and the rest is history. I am certain, no matter what, that this year will be better than that. Not one part of me wishes that I could go back to that. I would rather celebrate that this year it is so much better to be alone than with someone that you can't stand.
I also want to celebrate my new job with Ellis, Ged & Bodden. How great is it to create your dream job? Wow - I work with great people, the firm has a great reputation, my providers are wonderful and I am having fun every single day. Phil Jackson said, "Winning is important to me, but what brings me real joy is the experience of being fully engaged in whatever I'm doing." Giving 110% is what it is all about. Doing a great job, going the extra mile, showing up fully engaged and having fun. Remember this anonymous quote, "Enjoy life, This is not a dress rehearsal." If you don't love what you do every day make it your mission for next year to find a job that makes you happy. Life is way too short to be miserable every day. This is also a great time of year to thank others for their service. Saying thank you in any way is better than not saying thank you at all. It does not take big bonuses or large presents to let someone know that you appreciate all they do. I decided to get chocolates for the support staff that helps me most at the office. Starbucks cards for my stylist, manicurist and postman. The smile on their faces was worth the small amount of money I spent and boy did it make me feel good to say thank you. Remember this important quote by Robert Murray McCheyne, "Joy is increased by spreading it to others." And this quote by Neal Donald Walch, "Release the joy inside of another, and you release the joy that is inside you."
Be careful not to be jealous of others. Bask in the happiness of others. Everyone is entitled to a little happiness, even though you yourself may not be at the happiest time of your life. I am so happy for my friends who have someone special to share this holiday season with and I am sure that they too would be happy for me if the shoe was on the other foot. This is a great quote from Robert A. Heinlein, "One of the sanest, surest, and most generous joys of life comes from being happy over the good fortune of others." This is not an easy task, but it is the most selfless of things one can aspire to be. I just love this quote from Maya Angelou, "When you wish someone joy, you wish them peace, love, prosperity... all good things." Go out there and share your joy. Wish the friends and family in your life good things. Share in their happiness and bask in their rays of joy. There is enough joy to go around in the world. Remember this quote always by Henry Ward Beecher, "The sun does not shine for a few trees and flowers, but for the wide world's joy."
I want to wish all of you out there, my very loyal readers, a very happy and healthy new year. As always I wish for you all that you wish for and I am always here to help you along your path to finding your true dreams and aspirations and helping you to achieve them. Live your truth and let others live their truths. Say thank you to those you love and appreciate. Thank you to all my loyal readers for reading my weekly tips, sending me your feedback, and for sending me so many numerous offers for writing, speaking and entertaining. I am looking forward to much success in the new year for all of us.
“What I know for sure is that you feel real JOY in direct proportion to how connected you are to living your truth." - Oprah Winfrey
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, November 23, 2010
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
- Melody Beattie
Tip 48 is on Giving Thanks. What better time of year than Thanksgiving to address the topic of giving thanks. This is one of my favorite topics and one that I am very passionate about. I think we all need to be more more thankful in our lives and why not start on Thanksgiving. We all have holiday traditions that we share on this holiday many of which include going around the family table to say something they are grateful for this year. I hope and pray that all of you don't wait for one time per year to show thanks. This is something that we should be working on every single day of our lives. My favorite Oprah Winfrey quote is, "Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."
You have heard me many times before talk about the list that I keep near my bed that itemizes all the things that I am grateful for. I always find that when I am feeling down or I start feeling sorry for myself, looking at my list helps to put things back in perspective for me. It reminds me that I have so much in my life to be grateful for. Some of those things are obvious; like I am very grateful for my children, while other things are not so obvious; like I am grateful that my ex-husband introduced me to my friend Lisa who is someone very near and dear to me today - even though the husband has since moved away. Being grateful has helped me tremendously in getting through my divorce. Brian Tracy once said, "Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation." This is hard concept to understand when things are not turning out the way you expected, but looking at the positives helps to ease the pain. For example, I am grateful to my ex-husband for the following: my beautiful 9 year old son, my 3 wonderful stepchildren, my mother-in-law, my girlfriend Lisa, my dog Oreo, him allowing my grandmother to live in our home for 7 months, for giving me the financial support to get my law practice off the ground..., I can go on and on. I choose to focus on all that I am grateful for rather than the things that make me feel sad or angry.
My son started writing an essay last night for English. The prompt was to write a story about what someone else is grateful for regarding you. My son chose to title his essay, "My Mom's Favorite Word Is Okay." Since my son was able to speak and respond, every single time he said the word okay I jumped up and down for joy. He knows this is my favorite word and when he says it I will certainly make a big deal of it. He wrote how grateful I am when he says okay to walking the dog, setting the table or doing his reading. He gets this concept of grateful because he was right on the money. I am beyond grateful when he accomodates my requests. It has turned into a game that we play and he is always rewarded for good behavior even if it's just with hugs and kisses. Sarah Ban Breathnach reminds us, "Every time we remember to say "thank you", we experience nothing less than heaven on earth." I am a firm believer on focusing on good behavior to reinforce what makes me happy and grateful. Thank you Brandon for saying "okay".
I would like to challenge all of you out there who will be visiting with family this weekend. Try approaching your time with the goal of telling each person in your life the one thing that you are grateful for regarding them. Every single person in our lives makes some kind of impact. Let the people in your life know how they have affected your life. Albert Scweitzer once said,"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." Who has lit your flame at one time or another? This is the greatest gift that you could bestow on someone. I promise you 2 things; (1) it will make their day and put a huge smile on their face, and (2) it will make you feel on top of the world. Please let me know how it goes. This weekend I will be grateful to my brother and his wife for helping me to get to NJ to be with my family to celebrate Thanksgiving together. If it weren't for them we would be staying home alone.
“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so let us all be thankful." - Buddha
Tammy Saltzman - Wednesday, November 03, 2010
“Even though we've changed and we're all finding out own place in the world, we all know when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends." - Anonymous
Tip 46 is on What is the Meaning of Loyalty? Do you consider yourself a loyal person? Webster's New World College Dictionary defines Loyalty as "quality, state, or instance of being loyal; faithfulness or faithful adherence to a person, government, cause, duty etc.," I consider myself a very loyal person. I am loyal to my family, my friends and my clients. I can keep a confidence and listen patiently when someone else needs to speak, rant or even rave. I can take great pleasure in others accomplishments and wish them well without envy. I am someone who can be counted on to do what I say and say what I do. I don't keep secrets and I don't play games. One thing is certain, loyalty is a very important attribute when looking to develop strong relationships with others. Elton John said it best,"And I'm afraid, in this day and age, trust, which I count on so, you know, I love loyalty. I love trust."
Recently, my dear friend Kellie left a message on my voicemail saying, "You have turned out to be one of the most loyal friends I have ever had." It made me feel so appreciated and trusted with something as special as a friendship. My loyalty with friends starts with understanding other peoples strengths and their weaknesses. No one is perfect and I would rather accept people for who they are and for who they are not so I am not constantly disappointed. I want my friends to be successful and whenever I can offer a testimonial or a referral I am quick to do so. To have loyal friends you must first be a loyal friend. I have spoken of my close friends in many other quotes and the are my loyal friends because I am loyal to them. Jonathan Brown said, "Call it loyalty, call it what you want, but I suppose I've got people up here who I'm really tight with, we've made a lot of great bonds over the last few years and I've got people in my corner I can trust."
In my new position with Ellis, Ged & Bodden I am developing new relationships and creating new alliances. My loyalty to my clients starts with professionalism and excellent customer service. I like to go the extra mile and see who I can network together and who I can send referrals to. I am of the firm belief that the more I can give the more I will get. I am committed to the success of my clients and feel certain that the more successful they become the more successful I will become. I am also very loyal to the firm. I feel grateful for the opportunity and everyday I enjoy what I am doing. Michael Jordan said it best, "The game is my life, it demands loyalty and responsibility, and it gives me back fulfillment and peace."
When it comes to family loyalty is a must. You have heard it before, but I will say it again,"You can choose your friends, but not your family." I was brought up in a family that always forgave and forgot. There were never family rifts that kept us apart even though there were some heated debates over the years. I also came from a blended family so I learned that the word "step" was not acceptable. It was only natural to love my step children as if they were my own. Now that I am getting divorced I have assured them all I am not divorcing them. In fact, 2 of them still live here at home with me even though their father moved out months ago. This year is my first Thanksgiving as a single mom and I have my son this year. My brother really wanted me to fly up to New Jersey, but the flight was too expensive and I had to say no. Two days ago he called me with his wife on the line to tell me they would like to offer to pay for my son's ticket if that would help. Well I am on my way to NJ for Thanksgiving after the most generous gift from my family. Talk about loyalty!!! They reminded me of a time when they were first married and I flew them both down for a long get away weekend. Now years later they are able to help me out financially when I need it the most. Woodrow Wilson once said, "Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice." And for sure what goes around comes around.
I can't end this quote without talking a little about marriage and the loyalty between spouses. I am not sure what has happened to society, but I think divorce has become too easy an option for couples who are going through hard times. The saying, "When times get tough, the tough get going" does not mean packing up your things and moving out. Marriage has become disposable without even an effort at trying to make things work. What happened to, "Until death do us part"? Even though my marriage is over I would have made every effort to repair the damage and make the marriage work for the sake of the children, for the sake of the future, for the sake of the dreams we once shared that will no longer become a reality. Divorce is not fun or easy even though it is sometimes necessary. Napoleon Hill once said, "Lack of loyalty is one of the major causes of failure in every walk of life." I encourage all of you out there who are on the brink of divorce to not give up too quickly. Make sure that you try your hardest before giving up.
“Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness, not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is proof and the result of you loyalty to the achievement of your values."
- Ayn Rand
Tammy Saltzman - Tuesday, September 28, 2010
“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience." - Anonymous
Tip 41 is on Patience Is A Virtue. I consider myself a patient person most of the time. My children often test my patience as does stupidity. Webster's New World College Dictionary defines Patience as, "the state, quality or fact of being patient; the will or ability to wait or endure without complaint; steadiness, endurance or perseverance in the performance of a task." In life there are many obstacles that test our patience. Last Friday was the day of tests for me.
The day started off having to pick up my son early from school so that we could head to the airport for a weekend wedding in NY. When I got to the school and the office called his class they were in the middle of a test. Please wait 15 minutes until the test is finished. Ben Franklin once said, "He that can have patience, can have what he will." Then I headed off to pick up copies that needed to be delivered in Fort Lauderdale. Since I was heading to the Fort Lauderdale airport I thought kill two birds with one stone and save myself a trip on Monday. Well, the copies weren't ready and there was no time to waste. As I headed South on I95 the sky opened up and the rain began. Not just rain though, torrential downpours. Everyone slowed to a snails pace and minute by minute we made our way to the airport. As we arrived, we were rushed to board quickly before the storm reached the airport. The pilot was trying to avoid an additional delay until the storm passed over. As we arrived in the NY area we started circling and circling only to be told that we were not able to land because all the VIP delegates from the United Nation summit were gearing up to leave on their private jets and JFK was now closed until further notice. Off to Hartford, CT to refuel and sit andwait. Our plane was 3 hours late arriving at JFK. I had just spent 6 1/2 hours in closed quarters with my 9 year old son who was hungry, cranky and tired. I did try to make the best of it. My poor brother was waiting at the airport for my arrival. Several passengers missed connecting flights. We make plans and G-d laughs. As Alexandre Dumas Pere once said,"All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope."
I have often had my patience tested on the road. Here in Florida we have numerous elderly who can barely see over the steering wheel. I have observed that men seem to have less patience than women when it comes to driving. Mac McClearly said, "Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead." Think about that for a moment and it really is quite funny and so true. I am always saying to myself, move over and let me pass. It will take a lot though for me to lose my cool. I often say, "Patience is ability to count down from ten before you blast off."
When I feel that feeling come over me I try to take a few deep breaths. Saint Augustine has said, "Patience is the companion of wisdom." I consider myself wise so I try to focus on things I am grateful for which brings me into another space. An example would be that my son and I were on an adventure. I was grateful I had gotten him McDonald's on the way to the airport. I was grateful we had an extra seat between us. I was grateful that the DSD, PSP and I-Touch were all fully charged. And finally, I was grateful that NY was my final destination and I wasn't missing a connecting flight. When I focused on all that I was grateful for I was able to breath a little easier and be more playful with my son. I was very happy when we finally got off that plane. We are always tested in life and it is how we react to certain situations that really determine who we are as human beings. It's easy to be patient when everything is going your way. Your true character comes out though when things run amuck.
So how will you react next time your patience is tested? How will you show up? Remember that Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy once said, "The two most powerful warriors are patience and time." How will you react the next time your kids ask you one million questions relentlessly after a long day at the office? How will you react the next time you go into a restaurant and the waitress takes 20 minutes to come to your table? How will you react when someone cuts you off on the highway? Try to look at the positive side of things. Your kids are so brilliant for asking so many questions. Rejoice in their curiosity!! Perhaps your waitress was washing her hands so that she would serve your food in a sanitary manner. The person who cuts you off is doing you a favor by helping you to avoid an accident that could have come your way had they not cut you off. Who knows if any of it is true, but it sure beats playing the victim. Getting angry and wondering why do these things always happen to you is a total waste of time. Maybe things keep happening to you so that you finally learn the lesson of patience. I will end with one of my favorite quotes of all time...,
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions." - Rainer Maria Rilke
