Tammy's Tips

Tip 41 is on Patience Is A Virtue.  I consider myself a patient person most of the time.  My children often test my patience as does stupidity.  Webster's New World College Dictionary defines Patience as, "the state, quality or fact of being patient; the will or ability to wait or endure without complaint; steadiness, endurance or perseverance in the performance of a task." In life there are many obstacles that test our patience.  Last Friday was the day of tests for me.

The day started off having to pick up my son early from school so that we could head to the airport for a weekend wedding in NY.  When I got to the school and the office called his class they were in the middle of a test.  Please wait 15 minutes until the test is finished.  Ben Franklin once said, "He that can have patience, can have what he will."  Then I headed off to pick up copies that needed to be delivered in Fort Lauderdale.  Since I was heading to the Fort Lauderdale airport I thought kill two birds with one stone and save myself a trip on Monday. Well, the copies weren't ready and there was no time to waste.  As I headed South on I95 the sky opened up and the rain began.  Not just rain though, torrential downpours. Everyone slowed to a snails pace and minute by minute we made our way to the airport.  As we arrived, we were rushed to board quickly before the storm reached the airport.  The pilot was trying to avoid an additional delay until the storm passed over.  As we arrived in the NY area we started circling and circling only to be told that we were not able to land because all the VIP delegates from the United Nation summit were gearing up to leave on their private jets and JFK was now closed until further notice.  Off to Hartford, CT to refuel and sit andwait.  Our plane was 3 hours late arriving at JFK.  I had just spent 6 1/2 hours in closed quarters with my 9 year old son who was hungry, cranky and tired.  I did try to make the best of it.  My poor brother was waiting at the airport for my arrival.  Several passengers missed connecting flights.  We make plans and G-d laughs.  As Alexandre Dumas Pere once said,"All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope."

I have often had my patience tested on the road.  Here in Florida we have numerous elderly who can barely see over the steering wheel. I have observed that men seem to have less patience than women when it comes to driving.  Mac McClearly said, "Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead."  Think about that for a moment and it really is quite funny and so true.  I am always saying to myself, move over and let me pass.  It will take a lot though for me to lose my cool. I often say, "Patience is ability to count down from ten before you blast off."

When I feel that feeling come over me I try to take a few deep breaths. Saint Augustine has said, "Patience is the companion of wisdom."  I consider myself wise so I try to focus on things I am grateful for which brings me into another space.  An example would be that my son and I were on an adventure.  I was grateful I had gotten him McDonald's on the way to the airport.  I was grateful we had an extra seat between us.  I was grateful that the DSD, PSP and I-Touch were all fully charged. And finally, I was grateful that NY was my final destination and I wasn't missing a connecting flight.  When I focused on all that I was grateful for I was able to breath a little easier and be more playful with my son.  I was very happy when we finally got off that plane. We are always tested in life and it is how we react to certain situations that really determine who we are as human beings.  It's easy to be patient when everything is going your way. Your true character comes out though when things run amuck.

So how will you react next time your patience is tested?  How will you show up?  Remember that Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy once said, "The two most powerful warriors are patience and time." How will you react the next time your kids ask you one million questions relentlessly after a long day at the office?  How will you react the next time you go into a restaurant and the waitress takes 20 minutes to come to your table?  How will you react when someone cuts you off on the highway?  Try to look at the positive side of things.  Your kids are so brilliant for asking so many questions.  Rejoice in their curiosity!!  Perhaps your waitress was washing her hands so that she would serve your food in a sanitary manner. The person who cuts you off is doing you a favor by helping you to avoid an accident that could have come your way had they not cut you off.  Who knows if any of it is true, but it sure beats playing the victim. Getting angry and wondering why do these things always happen to you is a total waste of time.  Maybe things keep happening to you so that you finally learn the lesson of patience.  I will end with one of my favorite quotes of all time...,

Tip 32 is on Dealing with Stress.  Stress has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it as well as hitting you between the eyes when you do expect it.  It is how we deal with the stress when it is upon us that makes all the difference in the world.  What is it in life that causes you stress and anxiety?  How is it that you deal with stress?  How have you learned to avoid stress?  These are all important questions because stress and anxiety can not only affect your personality it can also affect your health.

Many of you know that I am happily getting divorced.  At a recent dental cleaning the dentist wanted to know what was I doing differently?  In all the years I had been coming to him my gums were always sore and swollen and this visit they were healthy!!  He thought I must be taken vitamins or supplements,but was not surprised when I told him I was happily getting divorced. He confirmed that stress can cause all kinds of physical ailments.  WOW!!! My 9 year old son was having major issues in school at the beginning of the year. Trouble focusing, not completing assignments and even being disruptive in class. He was diagnosed by a therapist as having an anxiety disorder stemming from father's anger. WOW!!!  After the separation my son's grades went from C and D's to A and B's.  His reading score went up 220 points. WOW!!!  If there is a great deal of stress around you it can affect not only you but the ones you love the most.  It's amazing what a bad situation can do to your children. Terri Guillemets has said, "Give your stress wings and let it fly away."

Finding 8 voice mails and 30 emails after getting out of a morning meeting can immediately cause me to feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Having a credit card declined can cause stress even when it's not your fault.  Missing the cable guy or forgetting an appointment can cause stress for even the calmest of people. We have all experienced this once or twice before and I am sure it will happen again. The question is:  How will you handle it?  I was recently told that you have about 20 seconds to calm your self down when feeling stressed out before the stress really settles in for the duration. I was told to practice meditation and deep breathing in those first 20 seconds to break the spell and find an inner calmness. Another good trick is to grab some carbs and eat them. Carbs counteracts the chemicals being released when you get stressed out. Sometimes I go out for a walk or a swim to calm my mind and center my soul. A bath always works wonders. Whatever works for each of you is what you should do.  Jim Goodwin and Sydney J. Harris once said, "The time to relax is when you don't have time for it." 

I recommend avoiding stressful situations or persons whenever possible. Remember this Chinese Proverb, " Tension is who you think you should be.  Relaxation is who you are." If there is someone who always rubs you the wrong way avoid them as often as possible.  If you must deal with that person prepare yourself in advance by imagining yourself applying an emotional sunscreen to your body (and inner child) before dealing with that person. Remember it is the people that we love the most that cause us the most pain and heartache. Try removing yourself from people who put you down, blame you for everything, continue to bring up past painful events, scream, yell and/or curse at you, or call you names or say hurtful harming things. Those types of people are truly unhappy with themselves and vomit their upset all over everyone and anyone they can.  Run from those people!!!